Mothers of Children with an IEP

The Experience of the Mother of a Child with an IEP

You have been called overprotective.
You have been called neglectful.

You have been told that your child is fine, that it is you who has the problem.
You have been told that your child is NOT fine, and it is all your fault.

You have been told that you are too indulgent.
You have been told that you need to be firmer with your child.
You have been told that you are too punitive.
You have been told that you are too strict.

You have been told, "that's what you get when you adopt."
You have been told, "that's what you get when someone like you reproduces."

You have been told that your concerns about your childs future are your own negative, self-fulfilling prophecy.
You have been told that you are in denial when you talk about your child's strengths and bright future.

You have been told that what you say does not matter because you don't understand your child as well as the professionals understand your child.
You have been told that you are the expert on your child, but what you say does not matter because you don't understand your child as well as the professionals understand your child.
You have been told that although you are a professional in the field, what you say does not matter because you shouldn't be in the profession if you were a bad enough mother to produce such a child.

You have been asked, "What were the consequences that you gave for your child's behavior?" - by at least ten professionals who have no suggestions for consequences that you have not already tried.

You have asked professionals for help for your child and were told that you needed help yourself, not for your child.

You have been told that your child needs this service but cannot have it because:
1. it is no one's fault, there is no money.
2. it is no one's fault, it is not available.
3. it is your insurance company's fault for denying it.
4. it is the nature of this vast institution that nothing is efficient.
5. it is the teacher's fault, she is not trained to provide this service.
6. it is your fault, you should not have done the research and found out that this service works for children like your child, only to disappoint yourself.
7. whatever the reason, no way, no how, can you say it is our fault and we have documented this fact.

You have been told that you need to advocate for your child.
You have been told that you are advocating too hard for your child.

You spend more time on the Internet researching special education for your child, than with your child.

All your friends have children with disabilities, the other friends just drifted away.

All you talk about is children with disabilities, even with your gay hairdresser, who it turns out volunteers to mento children infected with HIV and has an enormous amount of knowledge about special needs kids.

You have been called the Children's Conference Queen.
Your library of books and publications on children with special needs requires at least four full sized bookshelves.
You belong to three or more information email-lists on children with disabilities.
You belong to three or more support email-lists for parents and caregivers of children with your child's disability.
You belong to several local support groups.
You have over ten memberships in various support organizations.
You have five or more certificates of completion for parent training classes.

You are told that all this is causeing too much stress by the Child Study Team who are causing you so much stress.
You have been told to breathe.
You have been told to take care of yourself.
You stop listening to other people and start to listen to your own inner voice.