The Bible and a Bag of Golf Clubs

The Bible and a Bag of Golf Clubs

As a biblical "hacker", I have decided to get serious with my Bible study.  My mission is to get a "grasp" on the Bible...to get the "feel" of the books and the spiritual sensation of hitting the "sweet spot."  But I'm finding scripture to be as easy as driving a stationary golf ball off a tee with a 450cc Titanium 10.0 driver.  This is tough.  It looks easy, but it isn't!  I can see Jesus in my mind's eye, leaning against a 1 iron from the 1940's, outfitted in flat cap and knickers, serving as my golf instructor saying, "just relax...you are trying too hard...just take it nice and easy." Okay, Lord, I trust you. 

As a way of putting those words of wisdom in practice (and massaging a little Deep Heat ointment on my bruised ego), I decided to relax and get a different perspective.  You know, approach the Word from a different angle---this time from Joel Osteen's angle. 

My wife, Rose, and I have been enjoying Osteen's "Daily Readings from Your Best Life Now: 90 Devotions for Living at Your Full Potential," but I find myself being the team member holding up the game.  When it's my turn to read the associated scripture for the day's devotion it takes me five minutes to find Revelation 22:21 because, of course, I have to begin at the front cover and work my way through the book…(real men/seekers have no use for the Index!).  And, while the look on Rose's face is amusing, it does little for my already divot-marked ego.  It's like having a caddy (possibly your wife) who doesn't know the difference between a putter and a sand wedge pull the club for you.  It takes time and holds up the flow.  So, as noted in Daniel 11:32 "...the people who know their God will display strength and take action." I would take action and memorize the books of the Bible.  A man’s gotta start somewhere. 

I figured since the New Testament only has 27 books (a mere one more than the English alphabet) I'd start there for simplicity sake.  Matthew, Okay...Mark, Okay...Luke, Okay, and John, Fine.  I'm on a roll.  I quickly discovered, however, that I had never heard of some of the books!  Take for example, Philemon.  What is this?  I had to associate the word with my grandson’s “Pokemon” to remember.  The point is that never, in any sermon, or any religiously-oriented print material had I heard of Philemon.  The Old Testament only became more foreign.  I swear, if someone were to have given me a multiple choice test and expected me to identify Nahum, Habakkuk, and Zephaniah I would have wildly guessed them to be newly named comets.  Who ever talks about them?  It’s like carrying around the 4, 5, and 6 irons in your golf bag.  Some professionals might use them, but they don’t hit very well for the hackers.  Consequently, they just get lugged around the course in the hopes that some other hacker will think you might actually know how to hit the damned things.  Are there actually books in the Bible that are the golf club equivalent of the 4, 5, and 6 irons?  Or, have they been used as frequently as the Big Bertha at the tee box and I’ve just been too blind to see their reference?  Joel will come to the rescue!  I’m certain he’ll bring the “Perfect Club.” 

At 0600 hours the next morning I was on the course (actually my dining room table).  The fact that it was dark outside only added to my sense of really taking action and getting serious with my study.  This morning I was determined to scan, page by page, Joel’s 308 page book and find every scriptural reference.  Surely I would discover Joel using every club in the bag so I could see how each was applied on the course of life.  I kept a frequency count of each scriptural reference (plus or minus a couple) and discovered something fascinating---First, I had developed an Obsessive-Compulsive disorder that would probably require psychiatric attention, and second, I discovered that Joel doesn’t use all of the clubs either!  Brilliant!  Just so we don’t let the numbers go to waste here’s a few of the statistics for the score card:
·        Of the 39 books in the Old Testament, 24 are cited.
o        Nahum, Habakkuk, and Zephaniah were among those that stayed in the bag…never saw a glimpse of them.
·        Of the 27 books in the New Testament, 18 are cited.
o        No reference to Philemon or Pokeman either. 
·        Of the 261 total references to scripture:
o        33 were from Psalms (Here’s Joel’s Perfect Club)
o        19 were from Genesis (The Driver)
o        18 were from Matthew (the Putter)
o        17 were from Isaiah (the Sand Wedge)
o        Honorable mentions included:
§        13 references from John
§        12 ref’s from Romans
§        12 from Philippians
§        12 from Second Corinthians
§        11 from Ephesians

Perhaps Joel would like to take a Mulligan for each of the books he missed.  If so, I think we should cut him some slack and let him swing away. 

Finally, thanks to God, I have found all of this to be wildly interesting.  It WAS like hitting the “sweet spot” on the club, feeling the resonance and harmony of mind, body, and spirit, yet not exactly knowing how you did it.  The one-shot learning, minus the muscle memory, is all it takes to keep you wanting to go back for another round…of golf or of Bible study.  So the final question is this--are the books mentioned previously really as under-quoted as they seem to be, or are they generally quoted and I’ve just missed them?  While I await your response I’ll be taking aim on Philemon and see if he has any advice for a nasty slice.  God’s Word covers all possible challenges.