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 Content Rating Notice: GC -- May Contain Graphic ContentOnly For: 18 and Older, Not Easily Offended  |
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Do you believe in the power of the choice? I read a wonderful piece today that I reviewed.
Here's my story. I started working for a gynecologist/obstetrician when I was 16 and still in high school. I was in seventh heaven at getting such a great job at the time. My friends were working for fast food places and pet stores. I thought my job was way above what any of them were doing. I also didn't realize at the time the invaluable lessons I was learning about life, love and public opinion. I was trained to do everything inside our facility. You could come in any day and see me behind the reception desk, assisting the doctor with exams, billing insurance or my favorite of all things, being present for the delivery of a baby. I know that everyone has their personal stories of labor and delivery. Every tale is special in its own way. This is why I wonder, do you realize how much the doctor and nurses are affected at the moment of miraculous birth? Over the years, I was blessed to be present when various doctors delivered babies inside our center. There was never one birth I witnessed, when the doctor and all the nurses didn't have tears in their eyes. This was a natural, unplanned, spontaneous emotion that never changed. No amount of deliveries could affect the measure of feeling in the room during that moment. The feeling was so strong, you felt as if you could actually cut right through it with a knife. That being said, you probably think you know whats coming next from me right? Think again. Just as there are tears present when a baby is born into this world, let me tell you what happens during an abortion. I saw women that didn't know what they really wanted to do. This very personal and intense decision, was never one that I saw made lightly. There were so many factors; so many circumstances. There were times a woman would come into the center knowing exactly what she wanted to do. There were no choices in her mind, it had to be abortion. For her this was the only option she thought she had. Some appeared to make the decision off the cuff, show as little emotion as possible. You may have even thought how callous she was. How tough! One thing I learned over the years was no decision was made easily, no matter how simple it may have appeared. At the time of abortion, no matter how many were performed, no matter how ready and willing the woman thought she was. There is not one person that does not have tears in their eyes. Tears flow down the cheeks of the doctor, the nurse and the patient. In my personal experience, I felt this to be an involuntary response. It appeared to be completely impulsive. There is not one woman I ever saw leave the building, who was not silently sobbing, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Just as at the moment of birth the feeling and energy in the room is heightened, it is also heightened at the time of an abortion. There is an intensity present that is like no other. The feeling of loss is so deep. I wish I could explain it to you, but I can't. There is a feeling of heaviness and opression that filled the entire clinic. One had simply to look into the eyes of the other to know they were feeling it too. What you think you want. How you think you feel, how you believe you will deal with your choices, isn't always the way you react. I believe from my experiences, you have no real control over your emotions or feelings at the moment of life and death, birth and choice. Those emotions are a greater measure of your state of mind, than any I have ever seen. I have personally known many women over the years who made the choice for both birth and abortion. I know not one woman if given the chance to rethink her initial decision to choose abortion, who did not want to take back that choice. Not because she felt she made a mistake, but simply because she carries this choice with her forever. LIke an imprint, it can never be completely removed. I say this without judgment and with great respect to these women that have made this difficult decision. This is a choice unfortunately, that can not be taken back. Once you have chosen your path, it can not be undone. The pain these women live with is forever. It is very difficult for many of them to forgive themselves for this decision once it has been made. I believe there is something ingrained in us that goes deeper than our beliefs. There is an invisible connection between a mother and her child. When that connection is never completed, she suffers that loss just as strongly as a still birth. She may feel temporary relief from the situation, but not from the long term affects of her choice. Here's the twist. You may think you know me. You may think you know what I'm about to say, what my opinions are. But you're probably wrong. I was given an extraordinary gift to view life and death up close and personal. I was placed in a situation that created an education for me that money could never buy. My experiences and lessons learned were invaluable. This is why what I'm about to tell you next, may shock you. Despite all I've seen and experienced. I am not ready to hand over my God given rights to choose what is best for me, to the government to decide. I want to be in control over my own body. Making my own decisions, living my own mistakes and celebrating my own accomplishments. I don't want anyone but me making such intensely personal decisions affecting my self, my body and my family. Once the power of the choice is taken away from women. My fear is it is a choice we may never get back. When we lose our abilities to decide for ourselves, we lose power. I would much rather have the choice available to me, even if I don't choose to take advantage of it. With the choice comes power. I also must take into account from working behind the scenes, some decisions are made for reasons that are beyond our control. Due to rape, incest etc. How dare anyone else judge someone for making a choice that they may never have to make themselves? Believe me, you don't always know everything. You don't always have the answers. Life isn't as simple as it may seem. Never say never, because honestly you don't know what choices you'd make, unless you're in that very same position. Many women who said "never me", marked "choice" when the time came for their decision. I have a little story for you that is actually a true one. I once worked with a lady that had a daughter a little older than me. I was 19 or 20 at the time. Her daughter lived the perfect, romantic fairytale life that many of us dream about. She was beautiful in every way. She became a nurse. Met her prince charming, a handsome fireman and was the envy of many ladies I'm sure. They had two beautiful, golden children, big house and a dog in their yard. One day she went to work as she always did. Dropping off her two small children at the babysitters house. In a hurry she pulled down and through the alley behind the babysitters home. It was here that she was pulled from the car and brutally attacked and then raped. She was methodically raped and sodomized not only with his genitalia, but many wires and miscellaneous pieces he had grabbed to commit this cowardly and violent act. She was shattered. Somehow she drove herself to work, not remembering the drive or how she got from point A to B. When she arrived at work she was hysterical. Her mother and husband were called to come and collect her. They did all they could to comfort and reassure this woman that she was okay. That she was still loved, and that nothing had changed. But it had. Her husband continued to love and support her in everyway possible. But he could no longer force himself to touch her sexually. Their marriage began to crumble and fall apart. A couple of months went by and the woman had a feeling all was not right. She went to her doctor and relived her ordeal again, praying they could help her heal from her wounds. She was so sure her feelings were all in her head. If she could just try harder. This was the day the man raped her all over again. This was the day her doctor informed her she was now carrying the unborn child of her attacker. There was no question of who this baby had been fathered by. Her husband had not touched her physically since the attack, nor would he ever again. She hated this baby growing inside her with all her might. Every breath she drew just reminded her whos baby was growing inside her. Fate had chosen to deal her another false blow. She became despondent, her marriage finally broke up. The child inside her body became the last straw either of them could take. She did the only logical thing she knew to do at the time. She aborted that baby and hoped all the pain that went with it. She couldn't rid her body fast enough of what was growing inside. She made the only logical choice she could. But she still struggled with the decision. It cut through her like a knife. This was not a choice she thought she'd ever be presented with. All she really knew for sure was she could not give birth to this baby, nor take care of it. Adoption wasn't an option. It was rid her body of the baby or take her life instead. If you were in her shoes, do you know what you would do? Could you have that baby and love it? Could you carry it through to term? I honestly couldn't answer that question. Simply because I've never been there forced to make that decision. Could you? Could you judge her actions? Would you take away from her the power of the choice? The only power she had left. The only power holding her together? The way I personally see it is, God (or your higher power whom ever that may be) gives us freedom of choice and free will. If he/she wanted to control every single thing we did, we would not have the ability to make any choices for ourselves. They'd just decide everything for us and we'd all be perfect. What gives anyone the right to try and correct their personal mistakes through others? What if God has chosen to let their decision be as they chose for a reason? Maybe they too are supposed to learn a valuable lesson from the experience. One that can only be learned by putting their hand actually on the hot pot sitting on the stove. Sometimes we have to get "burned" before we realize our decisions may not always have been what was best. We must be given the opportunity to fall if we want to. Its the only way for us to learn when and how to get back up the next time. When you really love someone you let them grow and learn from their own experiences. You can't force anyone to learn from yours. If God sees fit to give us the power to choose, what makes you believe they shouldn't? Pro Life/Pro Choice. There isn't much difference to where we all stand. I just believe this to be a personal decision. Not one requiring other people's advice or opinions, only mine. Surprisingly, I'm Pro-Choice and I'm Pro-LIfe. I have never had an abortion. I don't believe I ever actually could. I'm also smart enough to realize one should never say never. I am there for the women that believe they may not have any other choice for the moment. Sometimes you can't see beyond the day, beyond the moment to see things will change. Occasionally circumstances become better, sometimes they don't. We don't have the power of knowing. I reserve the right to change my mind in the future if ever presented with that choice. I may not feel I believe in the choice, but I still want the ability to make this decision for myself. Please know this. Choice is a powerful thing. But we must become responsible for our own decisions that we make. We can't continue to force our opinions and beliefs down other peoples throats as if our own views are all that matter. We need to respect the difficulty of all decisions that are made. We can't stop the world from making choices just because we don't necessarily agree with them. My goal isn't to change your opinions, simply to make you more open to others. All we can do is be there for the women who must make these difficult choices. We can live more compassionately for others, giving them all the benefit of the doubt. We can love each other despite our differences of thought, feelings and opinions. We can all fight for the right to be able to choose the best possible alternatives and solutions for our own situations. God entrusted each of us to make the right decision and selection that we are capable of. If we can't agree on anything more than this. Lets at least agree on the power of the choice. Someday you or someone you love may be in the position to make this difficult decision. I'm telling you now, you have no way of knowing what will be behind the decision that needs to be made. Don't they deserve the power of the choice? Don't forget to take the poll before you leave. Let me know what you think!
ReikiDreamer
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Live and let live" My heart goes out to every woman who has ever been put in this difficult position to choose. No matter what you have decided. I support that decision as the best possible one you could have made for yourself at that time. May you always have Angels looking out for you to guide you and support you. Blessings
© Copyright 2007 ReikiScreamer (UN: reikidreamer at Writing.Com).
All rights reserved.
ReikiScreamer has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work. |
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