The Case of Mr. Aiuto

  -“All, righty then, so what have you got to tell us, Mrs., uh… it’s here somewhere... Well, first off, tell us your name.”

-“Agnes Mae Lister, but you can call me Aggro, if you please.”

  -“Well sure, Mrs. Aggro, what have you got to tell us about the case of Mr. Aiuto?”

-“Oh, yes, I saw it! I saw exactly what happened! Right out, plain clear, shone like a diamond right ‘ere in front of my eyes!”

  -“So do you know who killed him?”

-“Well, the diamond was a taint bit covered with mud…”

  -“We need real information here, Mrs. Aggro, so if you could please—“

-“Oh, I’m sorry. But I know he was killed with a knife! He was stabbed with a knife and whoever stabbed him just, just stuck it right in there, in his uh… what’s that place with the sort of… um… I know I’ve only got one of ‘em now, but—“

  -“Jesus, this could get bad—“

-“Kidneys!”

  -“That’s a relief…”

-“He stuck that knife right in his kidney and he just twisted it, and the blood ‘n’ guts jus’ came pouring out, lemme tell ya. I mean POURING!”

  -“Don’t worry Jimmy, she can’t hear us talk, but I think we should add her to our list. I don’t know, just something about her excitement here.”

-“Pouring out with blood, he was. But the killer was all in shadows, ya know, like in the all-black outfit like the kids today might wear, but with a ski mask on, too. I couldn’t tell a thing about ‘em, but they were all in black, and they ran right away. Oh, and the person was definitely human, no aliens around in that neighborhood.”

  -“Well, that’s certainly a relief, Mrs. Aggro.”

-“What’s that you said?”

  -“WELL, THAT’S CERTAINLY A RELIEF, MRS. AGGRO! Jimmy, are you getting all of this down?”

-“But that’s the last of it I saw, I just laid right down after that ‘n’ fell asleep.”

  -“How could you—“

-“Huh?”

  -“HOW COULD YOU JUST FALL ASLEEP? IT WAS A HUGE CRIME SCENE!”

-“Well, the show was just finishin’ up right then, leavin’ one of them, uh… what’re they called, with the men in the tight clothes and rigging?”

  -“Oh, boy. Here comes another bad part.”

-“A cliffhanger, that’s it! The show was leavin’ the rest of the story for tomorrow.”

  -“WELL, THAT’S VERY GOOD, MRS. AGGRO, A GREAT REPORT ON THAT CRIME DRAMA YOU SAW LAST NIGHT! I FEEL CERTAIN YOU’LL PASS OUR EXAM! Jimmy, put her on that list for the new medication, she’s getting rather excitable and the medicine could really ‘do her some good’.”

-“What’s that?”

  -“I WAS JUST TELLING JIMMY HOW WELL YOU DID!”


Word count: 453