in the early winter

in the most subtle way i can, no one can know what i hide
an ocean breaks of what I cannot tell
I long to deplete the all of my quiet desperation
but reality overweighs my desire
as things are not the way i choose

restraint and as much self control a man can ever muster in his lifetime
'cause nothing makes a difference now
your heart opened and closed like a bulb in the warmth of the early winter
you must be so far by now

I sit and wait for nothing and everything
no time to rest and breath easy
and more time than i need to remember why i chose you

I don't know if i can learn to embrace your absence