Hell Kitty

" Hello Kitty, aren't you so cute? How cool of you guys to give me a cat." This was my reaction when a friend of mine recently gave me a "free" kitten.

As the saying goes, "nothing in life is for free."

I am what they call a man's man but when our eyes met, I was enamored. Her black fur with one spot of white on her chin, and one white paw made her look like she was created by a fashion designer.
 
I wanted to call her Yin Yang but it was too much of a tongue twister; so we just said 'Hello Kitty' until we came up with a name that suited this adorable and sweet little bundle of energy.

Little did we know at the time, but Yin Yang would have been a perfect fit - a little bit of good and a whole lot of evil.
 
We were given this bundle of energy just a short, very long week ago. She looked at us with her green eyes as big as saucers; her pur sounded like a minature motor boat.

Well that's how evil sucks you in. I made the mistake of looking into it's eyes. NEVER, look into the eyes of evil.
 
The first night, we both thought it was cute that she wanted to lay on us all the time. "Awww... how sweet, she wants to sleep with us," my girlfriend said excitedly.
 
"Hey...wait...what ar....what are you doing? I said as Hello Kitty insisted on giving me an upclose and personal look at her butt. I continually tried to explain to her it wasn't necessary. Yet she did not listen. She even was generous enough to lick herself clean while she leaned on my neck.

"Stop it kitty," I pleaded as my girlfriend laughed uncontrollably. Yet, once again no response...just more licking.This little exercise of twisted and demented nastiness went on all night long - no sleeping - just licking - butt showing and very loud purring.
 
So by nightfall of the second night, dread filled the air. What would Hello Kitty do tonight? How would she show her generosity to us?
 
Instead of sitting in the house and getting another glimpse of kitty booty, my lady and I decided to visit downtown Long Beach. We had a good time, as we visited a little Jazz bar and drank some wine to wash away our fears.

Two hours later, we park the car outside our apartment and walk through the iron gate to make the short walk to my apartment. No sooner than we step in the gate, I see this little black shadow moving towards me at a high rate of speed...what the...wait a minute...oh my goodness...is that...can't be...it's what the Hell...Kitty!!! The little...freaking rotten $%@# bundle of joy decided that she would escape the confines of her new home.
 
I decided to leave one of my windows cracked a little to let some fresh air permeate my one bedroom apartment. I like the ocean breeze. So Hell-0 Kitty found this little crack of freedom, she pushed out the screen and was running around in the complex. Apparently she spotted us coming back and decided it was time to attack my feet. She was actually attacking my feet, like it was a game of tag or something.

"Is this even a cat?" I asked my girlfriend.

"Damn, we got here too early." An impish grin was plastered on her face. I do believe she was hoping Hell-o Kitty would have run away.
 
I scooped up the...@*$&* tiny kitten and took her back into the apartment. The entire walk to the apartment, I had to listen to her annoying purring.

The rest of the night was the same as the previous night. As we tried to sleep she would show us how clean her butt was, and how loud she could purr.

By the third night Hell Kitty was showing us another talent of hers. It was called 'let me show you how sharp my tiny razor claws are.' She would lay down on the top of our chest and push her paws into our necks and faces, and precede to flick her claws out and stick them in our skin.

"OW!" My girlfriend yelled " She won't stop poking me with her claws."

I just nervously laughed because I knew my time was coming to feel how sharp her claws were.Everytime we pushed her away, she would come right back for more. She was very persistent with this little exercise.
 
This little bit of fun went on for two nights before she decided to show us another funny little trick of hers. Hell Kitty decided that instead of allowing us to sleep she would play wack-a-mole on the bed. Anything thing she perceived as movement, she would jump on it and bite and scratch. So picture this little black dart of evil just jumping all over the bed. This went on for about thirty minutes before I finally had enough.

"THAT'S IT!!" I yelled as I scooped up Hell Kitty and set her outside our bedroom and closed the door. "I cant take it, she is not going to sleep with us anymore"

"About time," my girlfriend stated sarcastically.

Well needless to say, this not go well either. Hell Kitty decided that if she couldn't bite us and scratch us, she would just yell and scream outside our door to keep us awake. I never realized that a little kitten could be so freaking loud.
 
Well here I am, on day five, struggling to stay awake after getting a solid two hours of sleep. Wondering how something so small and cute can be so evil. What did I do to my former friend to make her give me such a little ball of joy. Today though, I am going to buy an equalizer, something to turn the tables on Hell Kitty - a WATER GUN!!!
 
As I sit here, struggling to type, due to Hell kitty practically attaching herself to my arm. I decid to give a little piece of advice, looks are deceiving and pure unadulterated evil comes in small, cute packages.