Holiday Home Invasion

Coming in from a walk, they stomped snow from their feet,
The old couple sat close and lit Yule log for heat.
The walls of their home were quite plain, with no frills
The pension scarce covered utility bills.
The two of them stretched stocking feet to the fire,
Embracing each other, and mysteries higher.

They talked of their grandkids, the stars up above,
The snowfall, their dreams and their still youthful love.
They began to drowse off, locked in each other’s arms
Relaxed by some wine, and by Yule fire that warms,
When the door flew wide open. In frigid wind blew.
“Ho ho ho,” boomed a voice, “What’s the matter with you?”

A huge man bounded in; he was decked out in red,
Deranged grin on his face, furry cap on his head.
He plunked down a sack overflowing with loot,
Shook the snow from his clothes, reindeer crap from his boot.
As the couple sat stunned, he cried “Place has no cheer!”
And he ordered the wife, "Fetch me cookies and beer!"

Twelve reindeer pranced in, bearing tree, lights and balls,
Also fruitcake and eggnog, nailing cards to the walls.
Saint Nick jacked up Frosty, cried ”See what you’re missin’?"
The man stammered out, “But… We’re not even Christian!”
”Makes no diff’rence to me!” cried the jolly tub of lard.
”Now it’s time to pay up! Using cash, check or card?”

As a reindeer passed by with a new Boogie Bass,
The wife grabbed it, and nailed Santa right in the ass.
“But we don’t have much money, you greedy old lout!”
And, pleading, the couple cried, “Please, just get out!”
Santa stuck out his tongue and crossed arms o’er his chest.
”Ha! I feed on your emotions. Go ‘head, do your best.”

“Ah, you feed on emotion? ‘Zat true? You don’t say!”
The man booted computer, started typing away.
Santa crept up behind him, pressed nose to the screen.
”Emoticons! Great!” he cried, viewing the scene.
The emoticons swarmed and they made a parade.
The man programmed them so Santa’s soul they’d invade.

And soon they took on a whole life of their own;
They jumped out from the monitor, bounced off the phone.
Santa tried to consume them, but they went for his eyes :
Smileys and Frownies and Laughies and Shies.
Yet defiant he fled, for he yelled at a trot:
”Merry Xmas to all, whether you like it or not!”