sub-zero outdoor decorations

if they'd asked me
two giant-sized scoops of vanilla
ice cream isn't enough
I'd have my body laced with neon blue dye
to make me stand out in the scenery
nothing's more boring than
everwhite in winter…
and did they think
that I'd never be cold
standing immobile like this
stuck in the blustery elements
with just an old moth-eaten
poorly knit scarf no one else wanted?

if they'd asked me
Uncle Leroy's over-sized green duffle
coat would've kept me warmer
I'm certain not to have melted
until long after the holiday season...

if they'd asked me
they never give me real arms or legs
just a few spindly twigs and such
the guy next door always gets brooms
(although we all dream about elbows)
and old yellow galoshes for feet
(even the Hopkins family forgets about legs)

if they’d asked me
I’d like to listen to the carols in the evening
but it's rare to get ears
(for that would mean earmuffs!)
and no one ever thinks of hair
although straw or an old wig would be very welcome
do they really think a top hat
with Aunt Mae’s peacock feather
is appropriately cozy
for sub-zero outdoor decorations?

if they'd asked me
I'd've chosen big shiny brass buttons
‘cause everyone knows pebbles from
the summer holiday on the beach
make uncreative eyes

if they’d asked me
I’ve never liked my orange carrot nose
sticking out at an odd angle
a plump kiwi might be a nice change
and oh! I'd like a real corncob pipe this year
and maybe a cardboard cut-out mouth
with cherry-red lips — I hate
the unattractive soot stains left by
last summer’s unused barbecue charcoal

if they'd asked me—
just this once
with my imagination
and the oddities found
before their spring garage sales
I'd have a real life in holiday picture albums
and for the snapshot occasion
it would be great to have an umbrella for
the days it rains, sleets or snows
and those rare days when the sun
threatens to warm me to the melting point

if they’d asked me
a rose by any other name, you know?
how many of us are called Sam?
that’s completely unsuitable for one of the magic people!
so please, call me Horatio, Algernon or Wuthering —
names to withstand the long winter months
and enough inspiration to wear well
your least favorite bric-a-brac
before the snow melts one fine morning
and I disappear sadly
to nourish the fine spring grass…

if only they'd asked me...



sub-zero outdoor decorations
(or a snowman’s wish list to Santa)
[2007.12.12...a]