Wings Of Paranoia

I lie in bed late at night, staring at where the clock was on the wall, even though I could not see it in the darkness. "It must be two in the morning," I thought, but I couldn't fall asleep. I knew why. It wasn't one of "those nights." where you just can't fall asleep for some unknown reason. I was paranoid. I was scared. But why now? I knew I would be scared ever since I came here, but I wasn't scared. Not until now. Maybe they were close. Maybe they were watching me right now.

I got out of bed and walked to the window. I opened it and sat on the ledge. I looked at the ground below, and I suddenly felt a wave of fear surge through me. I shook my head, as if to shake the fear off. "Relax," I told myself. "You've done this so many times before. You can do it. It's inside of you."

Despite all of this, I was still nervous. I hadn't done this in a while. I was naturally going to be scared, but I decided to get it over with. I jumped out, and as I soared through the air for a brief time, I made the change. Now I was a hawk, flying through the air. I didn't care if they were watching me right now. I was flying. I was happy. I was happy about what they did to me, but if they hadn't done that to me, I wouldn't be paranoid.

What would I rather be?

I flew around, occasionally flapping my wings and just soaring on the air. I soared over trees and looked down at everything below me. Houses, gardens, some windows with lights still on. I wasn't going anywhere, though. I just needed to get out. I needed to fly. I finally perched on a tree branch high up, looking down at a long, grassy field. I couldn't see much, as hawk eyes in the dark are no better than human eyes.

No one else knows this about me, besides them. If I say anything, it would come back to haunt me. They could hear about it. and they could find me. That's why I keep my mouth shut.

But why were they after me? This is a question I usually ask myself. I knew I escaped from their lab, that I was their most prized experiment, but was it worth it to them to catch me? I had a reason in my mind, but it just seemed so irrational that I didn't believe it, but I knew anything was possible. Dreams could come true, and nightmares could be real. I am the result of that.

"I'm done thinking," I thought to myself. I flew back to my open window and perched on the ledge, staring out at the sky for a while longer. The hawk part of me cried to fly more, to fly free forever. It was hawk's instinct, and I have learned to ignore it . It was because those scientists messed with my genes. They put hawk DNA into them, and with hawk DNA comes hawk instinct. I could change into one. It is a blessing and a curse.

I changed back into a human, still sitting on the ledge. I sighed and climbed back into bed. I waited. For sleep to come, or for them to find me. Whatever came first.

My name is Latia. That is what they named me. They thought it was a good name for a hawk girl like me.


Despite my special talent, I am still a normal girl for the most part. I have shoulder length brown hair, sky blue eyes, and I go to school. I am just normal. You, reading this? You're normal, you know what it's like. I'm not going to tell you where I live, though. They could find out. All I'll tell you is that I live in a nice little town, and in this town I live in a nice little neighborhood.

I know things will change, though. I know they're watching me. I know they know where I am. I don't know why I know these things. Just call it hawk's instinct, and since I knew this, my worrying last night had evolved into full fledged paranoia. I twitched at everything, and it didn't help that my hawk senses carried over to my human body. I don't know why, they just do. I kept my paranoia under control, though. I tried to think rationally, and I started to stop twitching at things. After I mustered up some willpower, I finally calmed myself down. I got ready for school and walked out the door.

I never fly to school. It would draw a lot more attention to myself than I'd like, and with a backpack, it is pretty much impossible for me to fly to school. I always walk. It isn't that bad. There isn't much traffic, and it gives me a lot of time to think.

Maybe today would have been a good day to fly.

After I had walked two blocks, I knew something was wrong. I started to walk faster. Suddenly, someone came out of the backyard of the house I had just passed and started to chase me. I bolted as fast as I could. I didn't look back, I knew it would only slow me down.

I was scared. I feared for my life. They were here now. They were going to get me, and I didn't know what they were going to do to me. Kill me, or just capture me to perform more experiments on me? I kept on running. I ran past houses, and occasionally crossed a street without even looking. I didn't care. I just knew I need to get away.

I started to pant. I started to slow down. I knew I couldn't run for much longer. "Should I change?" I asked myself.

"No!" That's exactly what he wanted me to do. If I change, I know he will shoot me down. If I don't change, maybe they will think I'm the wrong girl, and as my speed got slower and slower, this was my only hope.

Suddenly, the footsteps behind my stopped, and I heard the impact of someone tackling another person. I heard them fall to the ground. I stopped running, and I looked behind me.

Tobias, a boy from school, was lying on the man's back. The man was wearing a black coat and looked very strong. He worked for them, the ones who were after me. He had ran after him and brought him down. Probably one of the reasons he caught up with him was because he was in track. In fact, he held the record for the 100 meter dash. He was no one special, his hair or eyes weren't special, but now he might've have saved my life. I stared at Tobias, and I smile started to appear on my face. I walked over to the man and searched his pockets. He was unconscious. He must have knocked his head against the ground. I found no guns, but I found a device that shoots out tranquilizer darts.

They didn't want me dead, just alive.

I turned towards Tobias. "How-"

He held up his hand, cutting me off. "I saw you being chased by that man, and I chased after him and tackled him. Good timing, hmm?"

I nodded. "Thank you," I said. "You might have saved my life.

"Why was he chasing you?" Tobias asked.

I looked at the ground, not knowing what to say.

"I think we should go somewhere else for that."

But I didn't move. I looked at the man who was pursuing me, and I suddenly felt an intense hatred for him and those who were after me. They were trying to ruin my life. They were trying to get in the way of my happiness.

I stood there shaking. Then, right before Tobias's eyes, I changed in to a hawk and ripped out the man's throat with my talons. As the blood spilled out and soaked his jacket red, I didn't feel any regret or remorse. What I had done was done. I looked up at Tobias, up above me. He was staring at me with shock in his eyes. Maybe because he saw that I could change. Maybe because he had witnessed me kill someone. Probably both. But I didn't care at the moment. I had done what a hawk did, which was kill. And I just didn't care.

Hawks don't have emotions.





"Why did you do that?" Tobias said, still shaken up and shocked over what he had just saw."

We weren't in school. I figured after what had just happened, I couldn't go back. Instead, we were sitting on an endless plain outside of town.

I just shook my head. "I just felt so much hatred right there for him. I didn't w ant him to mess with my life. I didn't want him to capture me, to take me away. If he didn't die, more people would be after me."

"But how can you just kill someone like that?"

"I didn't think," I said. "I just did it. I didn't feel anything." But even as I said this, I started to feel bad and torn over what I did. I was human now. I was normal. I had emotions, and I just took a human life. That is something to be scared and ashamed over.

"But why are they after you? And who is 'they'?"

I smiled and just shook my head. It was one of those smiles that you do when life sucks and all you can do is smile. You smile over the fact how everything was terrible, and all you can do is laugh at it.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked.

He nodded, so I started to tell the whole story. You, and him.




" I wasn't born like other people. I was an embryo, floating in a tube. I was used for illegal genetic experiments. The scientists who were working on me wanted to create a human that could fly. They were very arrogant when it came to humans. They thought that humans should be able to do anything. 'Humans rule the earth, yet why can't we fly?' they would say.

So they started to mess with my genes as I developed in a vat of fluid. They stuck hawk DNA into me. That's that best word to say. They just stuck it in my genes, put it in my cells. They made it stable. After that, they waited.

Soon, after many years, they got their results. I was about seven when they and myself discovered I could change into a hawk. This is what they had been waiting for. Their experiment was a success, and they began to test on me. They wanted to see what I could do. They wanted to see if I knew how to fly, how to hunt, and countless other things. I was never rewarded. They usually kept me in a cage as hawk, too small for me to change back into a human. They didn't want me to escape. I was priceless.

I knew they were abusing me. I wasn't stupid or clueless. They still educated me. I wanted to escape, but they made threats. They threatened to hurt me, to take the hawk DNA out of my body so I couldn't fly anymore, but today I know they would never do any of those things. But still I obeyed, as I was young and innocent at the time. I just waited for a chance to escape.

And then the time came. The were going to take me outside to fly, the first time they had ever done this. It was a reward for good behavior. Usually I was in a gym like room with heaters in the floors to produce the effect of moving air outside. They trusted me to go outside. I was such a good little girl. That was their mistake, he one that allowed my escape.

I flew away, as simple as that. They shouted at me, and they made threats, but I knew they couldn't carry those threats out. They tried to bring me down with tranquilizer darts, but they couldn't hit me. I flew as far away as possible, just to find a normal life. To be a normal human girl."

"And here I am now," I said, finishing the story, feeling an odd sense of nostalgia. Not a happy feeling, just one that said I was glad it was over.

Tobias didn't say anything. He just looked at the ground, taking it all in. "I'm sorry," he said finally, his eyes welling up.

"It's OK," I said. "It's over now. I'm OK now."

We sat there in silence, and I started to wonder what I was going to do now. I hadn't thought about it earlier, but now I knew that they would never stop. They were after me. They wouldn't let me go. Their jealousy of me drove them on.

"I have to go, Tobias," I said suddenly. "To get away from them. To be safe." And my eyes started to well up as well. It hurt to say this.

Tobias looked up into my eyes. He seemed to know what I was telling him. "Will I ever see you again?"

I shook my head. "No Tobias, you won't."

And then I changed into a hawk for the last time and flew away forever. I knew I wouldn't feel sad after a little while. I could change. I could escape the pain, and become something else.

Hawks don't have emotions.













I lay on the ground, twitching occasionally. I couldn't move at all. Blood was coming out of my back where another pair of talons had ripped into it. They ripped into my spinal cord, and I couldn't move at all.

I closed my eyes. I tried to tune out the extreme pain, telling myself it would all be over in a little while. I tried to think of everything that had happened in my life, tried to recall happy moments, but I don't think I was ever really happy. There was never any reason for me to be happy. I could only try. Try to be normal, have to same happy moments as everyone else. But none had ever come.

I told myself how stupid how was. I couldn't live as a hawk. Just because I could turn into one didn't mean I could really be one. I didn't know how to be one. That's why another hawk had just torn into my back with his talons. He thought I was trying to invade his territory, so he attacked me. I didn't know how to fight back, and he defeated me. I replayed the fight over and over in my mind. His talons tearing into my spinal cord. Me crashing to the ground, which was where I lie now.

Why? Why did I try? I had hawk instinct, but that didn't mean anything. That didn't mean anything. I didn't know how to harness it, I didn't know how to let the hawk take over and do it's work. And now I was dying. That's all that mattered now. I didn't try to change back into a human. I didn't want to go back to that life. I'd rather die. That was what I was doing now. This is how it ends.

For hawks, it all ends the same. Lying on the ground all alone, lost in our own thoughts. But it's okay.

Because hawks don't have emotions.