Egging On

Eyes so wide, big, and blue, with sparkles and shining hope.
Then it rains and they can't stay open.
Fog appears, hugging and heavy.
Heart is in the eyes.
Soul confined to the brain.
Head hurts.
Trying to stop the rain.
Fear in the waking dawn of my future, fear in the midst of life.
I want to make a doll.
I want to plant in the garden forever.
What do you think of me now?
I never had a thought of a broken shell on my toungue, now my toungue is bleeding. Always had a mind to think until thinking took over.
Always had a soul until the 'Rock' hit me in the head and beat me down.
Always had a heart until love came along and ripped it from my chest.
Rain is supposed to be beautiful. Supposed to wash away the old, bad. But it only creates mud and muck in the drowning of my flowerbed.
Head throbbing.
Ache hurts running through my spine.
Dying seems so easy when you've thought about death so long.
Preparing yourself to flee this world with time passing by your headstone without a blink, without a glance, without a feeling.
A link to the after-world only a small button away.
But then, all those you love flash before your eyes and you can't go through with it.
The button is faulty and refuses to work.
Death is laughing at me. Laughing in my face.
Egging me on.