Gardenias Will Always Make Me Cry

         Gardenias will always make me cry.  No, not because I am allergic, but because they touch my heart.  You see, when I first met my mother-in-law she told me that my skin was like gardenias, and she loved gardenias.  I did, too, so that was something we had in common.  When I married her son, she treated me like her own daughter and I loved her for that.  I was closer to her than to my own mother.  She was there if I needed advice.  She was there if I was lonely.  She was there when I was pregnant.  She was there when each of the children were born to help me however she could.  She taught me by example how to be a good wife and a great mother.  She was always there for me and never asked for nor expected anything in return.

         Every year on our anniversary she would buy me a bath set of gardenia-scented products.  "I like Sarah Michael's the best," she would say, "because they smell the way gardenias really smell."  And she was right, of course.  Every year, gardenia bath products. 

         Then one year I unwrapped the customary package and caught my breath!  It wasn't gardenias but French vanilla pear instead! 

         Not wanting to hurt Mom's feelings, I opened the lotion and smelled it.  "Oh, it smells lovely," I exclaimed, hoping that the disappointment couldn't be heard in my voice.  I smiled and thanked her and Dad saying, "It's even my favorite color!  GREEN!"

         The confusion must have shown in my eyes for only Mom to see because she laughed and handed me an identical package to the one I had just opened.  "Oops!" she said, feigning embarrassment.  "I must have given you the wrong one.  That one was for Heather!"  Inside the second package, of course, were the gardenia-scented bath products I had grown accustomed to.

         Mom passed away in August of 2004.  I had loved her since before I married Tim but it was only then I realized just how much of an impact she had on my life.  March 2005 was our twentieth wedding anniversary.  It came and went with no gardenias.  Last month, though, while I was cleaning out the bathroom closet I found a stash of Sarah Michael's gardenia-scented bath products.  Sitting on the floor, I opened the lotion, squeezed a small amount into my palm, drank in the wonderful aroma...and wept.  All of the memories came rushing back...

         "I wanted to get you gardenias for your hair but I couldn't find any," she'd said on my wedding day, pressing a gardenia-scented embroidered handkerchief into my hand instead. 

         "I tried to find gardenias but they all looked brown around the edges, and that just wouldn't do," she said when my first daughter was born, presenting a basket of gardenia scented lotion and hair products along with a bunch of cut sunflowers. 

         "I didn't have a chance to find any gardenias," she explained through tears when my second daughter was born, on her own birth date:  April 22!  Of course she hadn't!  She had just been in the hospital for a week herself.  She'd gone to the doctor to discuss some symptoms she was having and was sent to the hospital on the verge of insulin coma and kidney failure! 

         "Gardenias aren't in bloom yet," she simply stated with disappointment when our son was born in January of 1993.  Although it wasn't blooming, she presented me with a miniature gardenia bush, which lived and bloomed sparsely for several years afterward.

         I spent the rest of the day thinking about all the things Mom and I had done together; all the things she had taught me about life, about myself, and about how to be the best I could be.

         A few days ago we took a family outing to the Missouri Botanical Garden and the gardenias were glorious.  I could smell them before I could see them, and I knew what was going to happen but kept on going.  Rounding the corner I saw them, and their beauty was so lovely it took my breath away... smooth creamy white petals so delicate and perfectly formed standing out against deep green shiny foliage.  Cupping the closest blossom in my hands I took a deep breath and, as the sweet aroma filled my soul I felt my breath catch in my throat. 

         Oh, Mom.  How much I miss you.  Gardenias will always remind me of you!

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