Park Bench Nuisance

"Stop... crunching... in... my... ear."

"Why are you taking a deep breath between each word? You know, it makes you sound rather dumb when you do that. And I'm eating chips! You expect me to eat chips without crunching?"

"And stop talking, too."

"That's better! People will pay more attention to you when you speak normally, though that tone is kinda rough. You ought to be nicer to people. Easier to catch bees with honey, they always s..."

"Shut up!"

"Well! If you're going to take that attitude about it, I just won't say anything else!"

"Good."

"But... now it's too quiet. Two minutes. Two whole minutes, and you've not said anything to me. I can't work like this."

"What exactly can you claim to be working on? Your bag of chips?"

"Well... no. I'm reading over your shoulder. What's that on the car accident?"

"I know you are. And still crunching in my ear. If I tell you to go away, will you?"

"Well, that's just rude. All I did was ask about a car accident, and you have to get all mean about things. You're not a very nice person."

"Did I ever claim to be?"

"Well, no, but..."

"Good. Go away."

"But if I go away, you would be all alo..."

"Why are you here? I don't even know you! I was sitting here on this bench, just reading my paper and enjoying the sun. Then you had to come bother me. Crunching in my ear, reading over my shoulder. You didn't even say hello! What kind of person sits on a park bench to bother someone else, and doesn't even say hello?"

"Hello! Would you like some chips?"

"... I'm going home now."

"Well, if you're going to be that way, can I at least have the paper so I can read about the acci... Hey! You didn't have to throw it at me! Meanie. I was just trying to be nice. Offer to share my chips, give an alone person some company, and this is the thanks I get. Fine! I'll just sit here and not say a word.

"Hi! Do you want some chips?"

WC: 354