Just Another Mission? Part I

(Word count 744)

    Commander Dick Smallshaft stood at attention in front of General Mavis D. Doorknocker’s desk, his eyes focused on the picture of an early R-29 Ramjet half a meter above her head.  The General was speaking, loudly, but Commander Smallshaft was not listening, he could not believe he had been chosen for this assignment, and that there was no way to decline the assignment without resigning from the Planetary Inter-Space Service.  Most pilots would give their left-testicle for this assignment.  As PISS’s number one pilot he could find no way out.  General Doorknocker continued on with the mission briefing.

    In General Flash Gordon’s office Captain Fifi LaRue was not standing at attention.  She was, in fact leaning, over General Gordon’s desk and letting him know exactly what she thought of this mission.  “You have got to be shitting me?  There’s no possible way I am spending 24 days in a Fusion ship with Smallshaft,” she was telling General Gordon, rather animatedly.  General Gordon was doing his very best to concentrate on LaRue’s words, he was having a difficult time.  His gaze continually wandered to LaRue’s cleavage, which was exposed in the skintight PISS uniform, and further revealed by LarRue having the uniform unzipped to her navel, which was well below regulation.  But Gordon wasn’t about to point that out to the one-point-six meter tall redhead.

    “Listen and listen good Smallshaft, I don’t care about your personal problems, your anatomy, or lack of anatomy, your dislike of Captain LaRue, or your aunt Mabel’s 96th birthday.  I might add you don’t even have an aunt Mabel, let alone a 96 year old aunt.”  Doorknocker stopped to catch her breath and looked up into Smallshaft’s grey eyes, and sighed.  “Okay Dick, sorry, I would not want to spend two days with LaRue let alone 24 days, but we need a good man on this mission and a man with your piloting skills and your, um…your, certain attributes that you posses, shall we say, in short, damn-it sorry, no pun intended.  We need a man that can tolerate LaRue for 24 days and not locke her out to vacuum and still come back sane.  You are the only pilot that the PISS brass feels is up to the job.  I’m sorry Dick, it is out of my hands, I don’t have a choice in this.”  Doorknocker ran a hand through her thick auburn hair that was just beginning to show some grey.  Smallshaft relaxed, and sat in the leather chair across from the desk.

    General Gordon had backed LaRue across the room, “LaRue, YOU do not have a choice in this matter, is that clear?”

    “Yes General Gordon,” LaRue mumbled back as she stood at attention, breasts thrust impressively forward.

    “And furthermore, Commander Smallshaft is the leader of this mission and you are going to follow his orders as and when he issues them is that clear LaRue?”

    “Yes general,” she mumbled.

    “I did not hear you LaRue”

    “Yes SIR, General, Follow Commander Smallshaft’s orders as and when they are given, SIR,” LaRue barked out.

    “Look Fifi, Smallshaft doesn’t want this mission anymore than you do.  These orders came from the top, the very top so we all have to live with them.”

    “But General Sir, Smallshaft?”  There was an honest look of confusion on LaRue's face, her green eyes showing desperate confusion, “He’s, He’s, so…small Sir”

    General Gordon let out a heavy sigh, he had suspected as much.  Commander Smallshaft was predominantly liked and respected by his peer’s; it was Gordon’s impression that women found Smallshaft desirable.  And, Gordon knew men found LaRue desirable, at least until she spoke.

    “Captain LaRue, I have Smallshaft’s personal file on my desk, it states his member is of average length, and is of, shall we say…I wish I had the girth he boasts.”

    Slowly the implications of Gordon’s last statement and the mission requirements dawned on LaRue, “Oh, well then, I suppose I would be happy to accept this assignment General Gordon, sir”

    Smallshaft looked at Doorknocker in disbelief, “Okay, now I know you are kidding Mavis, PISS is sending me on a mission to determine the feasibility of sex in space, under zero-gravity, and this is for future colonization ships?  And Captain LaRue and I, are to, to determine the feasibility of this?”

    Doorknocker looked at Smallshaft, “Yes Dick, that’s correct, what do you think?”

    “I still don’t want this assignment.  There’s gotta' be a hidden camera somewhere in here”

(Word count 744)