Lust in the Eyes of Love

A sad thing about life is when you meet someone that means a lot to you, only to find out in the end it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

Prologue

The fire would never be warm enough or burn long enough to erase the anguish and pain that had been Kara’s recent life. She looked over the essay in her hands before crumpling it and tossing it into the flames. It had been written by a woman she hoped to never meet, someone who had meant the world to Jason and then broken his heart, all before she met him. She sighed as she thought about him, her mind once again turning to why she was at her parents’ cabin in northern Wisconsin.

The knock at the door startled her; she’d been so lost in thought, she hadn’t even heard anyone drive up. Curious about who it could be – her parents were the only ones who knew where to find her – she hesitantly got up and opened the door. She found Devin standing in front of her. Her heart swelled in her chest as she wordlessly threw her arms around his neck, pulling him close. So much had happened between them that even four months after the break of their engagement, she had no idea what to say to him. She stepped back to take a better look at him, smiling.

“Hi,” she said shyly and he smiled, his blue eyes holding a hint of hope as he looked at her.

“Hi,” he replied quietly.

She couldn’t stand it any longer and threw her arms around him again, kissing him this time. “I love you,” she told him.

“I love you, too.” He picked her up and swung her around in his arms, holding her close. As he set her down, she realized it was starting to snow again, the big white flakes dancing on Devin’s golden hair, and she pulled him inside.

“Let’s talk,” she suggested as they sat down in front of the fire.


Previous September
Chapter 1

Kara sighed as she stepped out of the Letters and Science building at the community college in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. She wished she’d been able to bring the car today instead of having to trek all the way across town to Amber’s house, where she would be stranded until Amber came home at eleven to take her back to Appleton. Not that she really minded all the time alone; she only had classes four days a week and it wasn’t like she wouldn’t be stranded alone until eleven or later if she was at home anyway. Devin, AJ, and Matt usually worked at least until eleven thirty every night, if they were lucky enough not to get overtime at the factory they worked at. On top of that, Devin, her fiancé, worked a second part-time job before going to the factory job. She sighed again, hating that she was alone.

She saw that the leaves on the trees were already starting to change colors and was surprised how fast time had flown the first few weeks of the semester. Of course, she figured part of the reason for that was the fact that she looked forward to every Friday. She couldn’t wait for tomorrow and hoped she would think of something before going to the weekly writing club meeting down in Milwaukee. Her walk across campus went unnoticed as she tried to think of something to write about and to talk about tomorrow night. Then her thoughts turned to Michael and she smiled. Michael was one of the guys there every week, someone she looked forward to seeing each week. Just last week he’d improvised a poem about walking in the rain, which had kept her mesmerized the rest of the night.

As if on cue, the sky opened up and rain began pouring down on her. She covered her head with her black leather jacket as she looked for refuge, surprised to see she was already halfway across town. She spotted her favorite coffee shop, the Blue Moon, and stepped inside. After ordering a cup of hot cider, she sat in the corner of one of the three couches available and pulled her long red hair into a ponytail before grabbing a notebook and pen out of her bag to come up with something to pass the time.

I thought about you today
while the rain made puddles to play in.
I wondered what it would be like
to walk with you;
The rain bejeweling our hair,
our fingers entwined,
our bodies whispering what we're too afraid to say.
"He knows," I tell you.
The sky opens; the rain beats down.
You look alarmed -
because of the rain or because of me?
"He says it doesn't bother him."
You smile, your arm around me now.
I thought about you today
And wanted you to know.

She looked over what she’d written as she finished her apple cider, smiling to herself. She liked it and hoped the people at the meeting would like it, too – admittedly hoping Michael liked it. As she shoved the notebook and pen back into her bag and stood up to leave, she wondered if Michael would know the poem had been written while she thought about him. The smile stayed on her face the rest of the way to Amber’s house.


Chapter 2

“Do you really have to go down there tonight?” Devin asked Kara as she buttoned her jeans and turned to grab her brush. It was Friday and she was getting ready to go down to Milwaukee while Devin changed his shirt to go to his second job.

“Would you rather I stay at home alone and pine away for you while you guys work until midnight or three in the morning?” Kara replied. She hated having this argument with him every week and wished he would just let it go.

“We might not have overtime tonight.”

“Whoopee; then I’ll only be home alone until eleven-thirty. Great, another fun filled Friday night at home.” She rolled her eyes.

“Don’t be a bitch, Kara.”

“Learn to trust me, Devin. We have this conversation every week; you tell me you don’t want me to go down there and I tell you to have faith in me. What the hell do you think will happen to me anyway? It’s not like I stay the night somewhere; it’s only an hour and a half away and I’m usually home at a relatively decent time, two if traffic is bad.”

“I’m not worried about that; and I know we say this every week. It’s not that I don’t trust you or I think something will happen on your way down there or home.”

“Then what is it?” She looked at him pointedly, waiting for him to say it. He opened his mouth and then closed it again. “Just say it, Devin, so we can have this fight and get on with our nights. You’re afraid of me leaving you for someone. Never mind that we hardly ever see each other as it is and that I spend more time at school than I do in your arms anymore. Has it ever occurred to you that I won’t leave you and that you should trust how much I love you? Did you ever think about that?”

“You forgot one scenario: that you’re already fooling around with Michael.”

“Oh Jesus Christ.” She sighed, exasperated. Had he really just said that? “Michael and I are just friends. He inspires me to write. He’s an awesome author.”

“You talk about him every week for three days after you go to those meetings. His name is every other word out of your mouth these days, and you’re always worrying about what you look like just to impress him whenever you go down there. What am I supposed to think?”

“I was hoping you would trust me. We’ve been together over two years; if I was going to find someone else, don’t you think I would’ve found him already?”

“I don’t know, have you?”

Kara slammed her brush down on the desk and grabbed her purse, heading for the door. “I’m not going to stand here and have this argument with you again. I’m going to Milwaukee so that I can share my talent with other people who care about it and show my support for people trying to do the same thing. I’ll see you sometime tonight.”

She turned and walked out of the room, not looking back when he called her name. As she passed their brothers in the living room, she told AJ and Matt to have a great night and not expect her home any time soon. She sped out of the driveway once she was in the car and her seatbelt was fastened; like hell if she was going to stand there and listen to the same old argument happen again. There was nothing going on with her and Michael other than a friendship and the fact that she found him attractive. He was tall, hovering over her at a little more than six feet tall, and well built with short curly black hair and dark brown eyes. The fact that he seemed to have a crush on her and always doted on her helped, too; he gave her the attention she felt she was missing at home all the time. She would complain to him about never seeing Devin and Michael would put an arm around her and tell her about how they always had to sacrifice things in life for people they loved.

She arrived in Milwaukee nearly three hours early; the meeting started at seven and it was only a little after four right now. She fished her cell phone out of her purse and called Michael. He’d said to call if she ever got into town early, which was reassuring since she didn’t know where else to go or what else to do to kill time. Michael answered after the second ring.

“Hi, this is Kara,” she greeted him, nervous butterflies fluttering in her stomach as he greeted her.

“I’m in Milwaukee already and I’m embarrassed to say that I have no clue where to go or what to do for three hours. Have any ideas?”

“You could stop over here and we could have dinner. Kelly’s on her way out and it gets lonely being the only one home.”

“Don’t I know that feeling well.” She grimaced at the thought of having to see his girlfriend before spending some time with him. Kelly seemed very insecure in their relationship; she was always accusing Kara of trying to steal her man. Only problem was that Kara was pretty sure she could have Michael if she really wanted him. Unfortunately, she’d told Kelly this once and it’d been unsettling between the two women since then.

“So was that a ‘I’ll be right over’ or ‘go to hell because your girlfriend’s there’?” he asked and she giggled.

“I’ll be right over.”

“I was hoping you’d say that. I’ll leave the downstairs door open so just come on up. Do you know how to get here?”

“I think I can manage. I’ll call you if I get lost.”

“Okay.”

They said goodbye and hung up. Kara really hoped Kelly would be gone by the time she got there, but was disappointed when she walked up to Michael’s apartment fifteen minutes later and found Kelly making a show of kissing her boyfriend goodbye. She uneasily cleared her throat.

“Oh. Hi, Kara,” Kelly sweetly greeted her, not taking her arms from around Michael’s neck. Kara tried not to notice how Kelly’s body fit so perfectly with Michael’s or how her little red dress seemed to hug every curve on the other girl’s body, making her look immaculate. Kelly always made Kara feel inferior because of her designer outfits and perfect hair.

“Hi,” Kara replied blandly.

Kelly turned back to Michael. “I should get going before I’m actually late. Call me when you get home.” Michael said he would and she kissed him again before letting him go and turning to walk down the stairs, passing Kara on the way.

“Have fun with my boyfriend, Kara,” she was told as Kelly made her way downstairs. Kara rolled her eyes as Michael invited her into his apartment.

“Excuse me for saying this, but she’s such a bitch,” Kara declared, dropping her purse next to the couch.

“It’s all right; I agree with you most of the time.”

“And why are you dating her?”

“Because all the really good women are already taken.” He looked at Kara in a way that made her realize he included her in that group of good women and she blushed, looking away.

“I see. Well, I’m sure you could still do better than her.”

“The only reason she acts that way is because she’s jealous of you, of the relationship you and I have. She and I don’t talk or get along the way you and I do and it infuriates her.”

“Oh. Wow, I never would’ve thought she’d be jealous of me. I didn’t think anyone had a reason to be jealous of me.”

“You’d be amazed.”

“I already am.”

He crossed the room and put his hands on her shoulders, gently pushing her down to the couch. “Sit down, you’re making me nervous.”

‘That makes two of us,’ she thought and smiled as she sat down and he headed to the kitchen to get them something to drink. He came back moments later, handing her a can of Sprite as he sat down next to her. The butterflies began fluttering again as she opened her can of soda; being so close to him and knowing they were alone made her unbelievably nervous.

“So, do you know what you’re going to be reading tonight?” he questioned and she smiled, glad he’d picked that topic. She told him about the poem she’d written the day before, pulling it out of her purse to show him. He read it and said he liked it.

“Yeah, it rained yesterday so I had time to kill while waiting for that to pass over and I wrote that.”

“It’s rather reminiscent of what I did last week.”

“I know. I was thinking about that when I wrote it.”

“So you do think about me other than just when you see me. That’s a comforting thought.”

“Why so comforting?”

“It justifies how much I think about you.”

“Oh.” She didn’t know what to say or do, except that thoughts of kissing him flitted through her mind. She looked away, sure he could read in her eyes what was going on in her mind.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” he apologized.

“It’s okay, really. I’m just not used to getting attention anymore, or really being thought about for that matter.”

“Things that bad at home with Devin?”

“We fight each week I say I’m coming down here, even today; which is why I’m sitting here now instead of still at home getting ready to go. I spend more time in Oshkosh than I do at home with him. We both work on the weekends and he works two exhausting jobs during the week. We just never see each other.”

“So nothing’s changed since the last time we had this conversation.”

“Unfortunately, no. I don’t know how to change them. There’s nothing either of us can do about it; we both have to work and I have to go to school.”

“Well, I’m sure you guys will get through this just fine. Every relationship has its bad times and this is just one of yours. I mean, you’ve been with the guy for nearly three years already; I think if you were going to find someone else, you would have already.”

“That’s what I tell him, and then he practically accuses me of cheating on him with you.”

“What? Why would he do that?”

“Because I have a habit of talking about you a lot. I think you’re amazing and as you can see, you inspire most of my writing. So, I talk about you a lot to Devin and he doesn’t like that. He’s so insecure and I don’t know how to change that.”

“Do I have to make a special trip up to Appleton just so he knows he can trust you?”

“I don’t know. I hate to think of what would happen if you did.” Kara leaned against him, putting her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“What do you say we go get a bite to eat before going to the meeting?” Michael suggested and Kara smiled.

“That sounds perfect.”

They went to a small Italian bistro minutes away from where the writing club meeting was held and enjoyed a long dinner together. They talked about school, what they did other than writing whenever they had a free moment and even more about their relationships. Kara was amazed with their conversation halfway through it; she hadn’t talked to anyone like this in so long, it felt really good to have a decent discussion.

They arrived a few minutes early to the meeting, arriving together since they’d left his car at his apartment. Kara tried not to notice the curious looks as she and Michael walked into Amy’s house together. Amy was the ring leader of the group, a peppy petite woman with brown hair and blue eyes hidden behind wire-framed glasses. Kara went to get something to drink while Michael said hi to a couple guys he’d invited from school.

“A little forward, don’t you think?” Sarah, one of the other girls who usually fought for Michael’s attention when Kelly wasn’t there with him, spoke up. Kara popped open the can of Pepsi in her hands as she turned to face the other girl.

“Excuse me?” Kara asked, raising her eyebrows. “A little forward about what?”

“Flaunting you and Michael; I thought you were engaged. Did that fall through?”

“My engagement is just fine, and Michael and I are just friends.”

“Hmm, wouldn’t be able to tell by how close you two always are at these things; you’ve always got your heads together about something and you sit so close with him. Wouldn’t Devin be heartbroken if he heard about it.”

“He already knows how I act down here; he and I have an understanding about it. It’s called trust. Now if you’ll excuse me.” Kara walked passed the girl without waiting for a response. Well, there went her idea of having a good night. Now, she was going to be worried about the rumors she knew were already going around about her and Michael. She sat down next to him and didn’t curl up to him when he put an arm around her shoulders.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked her as Amy got up to start the meeting.

“I’ll tell you later,” she answered. Amy asked for volunteers to go first and Sarah said she would. The night had begun.


Everyone seemed to love Kara’s poem, enthusiastically clapping as she sat down. Amy told her to keep close whatever had inspired her and Sarah made some comment about how they were all sure Kara would do just that. Next, Michael got up and improvised a poem about a man caught between responsibility and acting reckless with another woman’s heart. Kara thought it was beautiful and grinned at him as she clapped while he retook his seat next to her.

“That was wonderful,” she gushed and he smiled.

“It was for you,” he whispered as Amy began her routine end-of-the-evening speech.

There were refreshments in the back and everyone was welcome to stay as late as they liked. Kara didn’t hear a word of what she said as she sat dumbfounded by what Michael had just told her. His poem had been for her. Nobody ever wrote poetry for her. It touched her heart and she grinned at him, tears nearly swelling in her eyes from his kindness.

“Thank you,” she finally said and hugged him.

They stayed until nearly midnight, talking with various people while hanging out together. Finally, Kara said she should take Michael home so she could get home herself.

“Don’t need Devin flipping out anymore than usual,” she said as they walked out of the house together.

“Would it really be so bad for him to allow you to have some fun? I mean, besides that it’s a Friday night, you shouldn’t have some curfew to abide by,” Michael stated, sounding a little irritated. Kara was taken aback, not sure how to answer at first.

“He doesn’t really give me a curfew; I gave myself one so I don’t get home at four in the morning and have to hear him bitch at me the next two days about what I could have been doing out that late. And he does allow me to have fun.” She sighed. “Look, it’s not as bad as it could be between Devin and me. We could constantly be at each other’s throats about everything and instead we’re only fighting over me coming down here every week. He keeps saying how I only come down here to see you, which is kinda true but I also enjoy listening to what others have to say and showing off what I’ve written. He blows everything out of proportion.”

She unlocked the doors and they got into her car. She started it, turning off the fans when they only blew cold air at them. “It might’ve been smarter to stay inside while the car warmed up.”

“This is fine. They’ll just have more to talk about if the windows fog up.”

“Like I need that. Sarah’s already a vindictive bitch spreading crap about me and I don’t care to add fuel to her fire. Somehow, Devin’s bound to hear the rumors and his first instinct will be to believe them. It’ll be World War three all over again.”

“If his first instinct is to believe the rumors before even talking to you about them, then you really deserve someone a lot better.”

“I don’t want anyone else. I love Devin and I hate fighting with him. I hate how awful our relationship has been lately, how we never see each other and whenever we do we seem to be fighting most of the time. I just want things to go back to how they were before he got the factory job.”

“How was that?”

“Happy. We didn’t fight over me going to Milwaukee or not spending enough time together. In fact, he even came down here for the first meeting in August; of course, he said it’s not his thing and he continues to worry about you stealing me from him, but he seemed to have fun while he was here. It’s no use trying to talk to him. Yeah, all I need is for him to hear those rumors; I can only imagine how bad they’ll be by the time they get to him.” Kara ran a hand through her hair, irritated. How could Sarah be such a bitch to her, spreading those wicked things about her? Why did she keep putting herself in situations that gave Sarah more gossip to spread around? She sighed, now upset with herself. Even though the car wasn’t completely warmed up, she threw it into drive and drove Michael home.

“So, is there a reason we didn’t talk the entire ride here or is there just nothing to say?” he asked when they stopped in front of his building twenty minutes later.

“There’s nothing to say,” she lied. Fact was, she’d been debating whether to come back to Milwaukee and risk ruining her reputation – not to mention her relationship – further or to stay away for a while and let the rumors die down.

“What had you so wrapped up in thought that you had nothing to say?” It figured that he would see through her lie. She sighed.

“I was thinking about not coming down here again for a while.”

“Why? I would miss you if you didn’t show up.”

“That’s why. I feel like I’m living a double life half the time anymore; I have my life at home with Devin and then I have Milwaukee where I tend to act a little more single than I should and put most of my efforts toward being close to you. I can’t do that anymore.”

“So move to Milwaukee.” He was teasing her and she shook her head, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“You know I can’t do that. I’ll figure something out; just don’t be too surprised if you don’t see me for a while.”

“I’ll try not to be too hurt either.”

“And really try your best at fending off Sarah and her cronies while I’m gone.” She smiled now, imagining Michael beating Sarah and her friends away with a stick.

“They’re not as good as you.”

She grinned at him. “Of course they’re not; no one’s as good as me.”

He chuckled, the tension between them lifting. “So you do have an ego. That’s good to know.”

“I know; I hide it so well.” She giggled.

“At least you’re smiling now.”

“You always make me smile.”

“Good. Guess that’s my cue to get inside so you can go home. You sure you don’t just want to stay here and drive back in the morning? They were talking about bad weather tonight on the news.”

“As nice as that sounds, I really can’t. I should be on my way home already.” She glanced at the clock and saw that it was nearly one already. “Yeah, I’m going to get home late tonight.”

“Maybe you should call.”

“I might; not that it’ll make much difference. Okay, go before you do keep me here. I’ll see you next week.”

He leaned over to hug her and she impulsively kissed his cheek. He turned his head to say something and she ended up lightly kissing his lips. She sat back before anything else could happen; no matter how many times she’d fantasized about kissing him, it wasn’t supposed to actually happen.

“Good night, Kara,” he told her. “Drive safe and email me when you get home so I know you got there safe.”

She nodded, still dazed. “Okay. Good night. See you next week.” They weren’t even going to talk about it; just act like it never happened. She didn’t know what to think as she pulled away from the curb, watching in her rearview mirror as he stood near the street watching her go. She lost sight of him when she turned onto the street that would take her to the highway, but her lips wouldn’t let her forget what had just happened. She’d kissed another man; no matter how innocently it had happened, she’d done it. What was she going to tell Devin?

Chapter 3

“What time did you get home last night?” Devin asked her the next afternoon. They’d just gotten home from work and were both changing out of their work clothes.

“What does it matter? It’s not like you’ll think any differently anyway,” Kara answered, mildly annoyed. Never mind that she was actually annoyed with herself still, still agonizing over kissing Michael.

“So you did go down there to see him.”

“It was inevitable that I would. And before you ask, yes, we went out to dinner together because I got to Milwaukee so early after another fight with you and we did show up at the meeting together since it made more sense to take one car instead of two.”

“You had dinner with him? Where did you go?”

“Some Italian place near where the meetings are held; I can’t remember the name of it.”

“And all you did was go to dinner with him and then go to that meeting? You spent three hours eating?”

“We didn’t actually get to the restaurant until nearly five. Why are you giving me the third degree? What are you really asking me?”

“What did you really do when you got to Milwaukee yesterday? Because what I’ve been hearing doesn’t involve eating.”

“Oh God, here we go.” She ran her hands through her hair, exasperated. “Who called you and told you about the rumors Sarah’s been spreading about you?”

“Sarah called me last night just to let me know you might get home late since you had to take Michael home. When I asked about his car, she kindly informed me that you’d arrived together. She went on to imply that you spend a lot of time with him on Fridays before coming to the meetings and that’s why you two always look so cozy together.”

“Oh Jesus Christ. The only reason she’s saying that shit is because I’m getting all the attention from Michael whenever Kelly’s not there and she wants it for herself. Yes, we sit close on the couch and he usually has an arm around my shoulders. So what! It’s not like we’re sitting there making out or making plans to sneak off together. But of course you only have hearsay to go on since you’ll never come down there with me.”

“I told you it’s not my thing.”

“No, but you’ll sit here every night worrying about what I’m doing with another man and you’ll believe the rumors you hear before even consulting me on them. What did I do to make you not trust me anymore? I haven’t done a damn thing that warrants this kind of action towards me and yet here you are getting upset at me over some rumors that were started by a bitch who’s out to have Michael for herself. If you don’t want me going down there anymore, just say so.”

“Fine. I don’t want you going down there anymore.”

“Then I won’t go.”

“No, you’ll go because otherwise you’ll just be mad at me for making you stay home.”

“No, I’ll stay home to keep from making you mad when I go down there. End of discussion, I’m not going down there anymore. I hope it makes you happy.” Kara turned and left the room. She walked downstairs and was about to go out the door when the phone rang. She answered it as Devin walked passed her towards the door.

“Hello,” she said irritably.

“Hi, it’s Michelle. Is Matt around?” Michelle was Matt’s girlfriend, still living in St. Paul, Minnesota with her mom and brother.

“No, he and AJ left together somewhere. Can you hold on?” She put the phone down before getting a reply; she knew she and Michelle would spend some time on the phone anyway and right now she was only worried about where Devin was going.

“Hey, where are you going?” she asked her fiancé.

“Out,” he answered as he stepped through the door and shut it. Kara wanted to scream.

“Sorry, was trying to find out where Devin was off to,” she said into the phone.

“You two are fighting again?”

“When aren’t we fighting? That seems to be all we do anymore, whether it’s about Michael or never seeing each other. It feels endless.”

“Michael?”

“A guy in the writing club I go to in Milwaukee each Friday. Devin heard some rumors last night that I’m cheating on him with Michael and that’s what today’s fight is all about. It feels like he just doesn’t trust me, and it’s not like I’ve given him reason not to trust me.” At saying that, she remembered how she’d kissed Michael last night. Okay, so until last night, she silently corrected herself. It wasn’t like she’d planned on kissing him anyway, not his lips anyway. She sighed.

“So then just don’t go to the meetings anymore. Why do you have to go down to Milwaukee for them anyway?”

“Because there’s not enough interest at my school in Oshkosh to hold one there. And either way, if I found a guy there that intrigued me, it would just be the same thing all over again. There’s no reason why Devin can’t just be happy that I’m able to share my talent with other people who have the same goals as me.”

“I don’t see why he wouldn’t trust you either.”

“I mean, it’s not like I sit there and make out with Michael or anything like that. We’re just friends.”

“You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself on that. Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened.” Thankfully, Michelle didn’t know Kara well enough to know she was lying. Kara inwardly sighed with relief when Michelle didn’t question her further on the subject. Instead, they talked about what Michelle had been up to lately and Michelle announced that she was able to move in with them in December after the holidays.

“So for New Year’s then. I didn’t even know it was being discussed,” Kara admitted.
“I thought Matt said he’d discussed it with everyone already.”

“It’s not like I wouldn’t want you living here anyway. It would be great to have a female in the house again. Sometimes there’s just way too much testosterone around here.”

Michelle laughed. “Just don’t tell Matt I told you first. I want him to feel special about it, even though he didn’t talk to you guys about it.”

“Okay, I won’t tell him. Oh, here he is anyway. I’ll hand you over to him.” Kara smiled as Matt and AJ walked inside, handing the phone to Matt.

“It’s Michelle. She has something to tell you,” Kara said as he took the phone from her and she went upstairs.

“Hey, what happened with you and Devin today?” AJ asked, stopping her halfway up the stairs. Kara turned to face her brother, grimacing.

“Nothing I really care to talk about right now. We just had another fight, nothing new.”

“A fight about you going to Milwaukee.”

“No, a fight about me cheating on him with Michael, a guy in Milwaukee. One of the girls down there made it her business to call Devin and tell him all the rumors she’d been spreading about me. Not that any of that really matters now anyway since I’m not planning on going back to Milwaukee any time soon. Saving my relationship with Devin is more important than some extra curricular activity.” She turned and continued up the stairs, going into their bedroom to play games online while waiting for Devin to come home again.