Sunday Funnies 8-20-06

Sunday Funnies 8-20-06

FINALLY! Something I can sink my teeth into. As I have lamented the past few weeks, the LA Times has not had much in the way of stuff for me to make fun of. In fact, I was beginning to wonder if it was…gasp…ME?

Today I have a choice; blah-blah-ing about….groan…Paris Hilton and her about-to-be released album…looking for those wax earplugs now and a barf-bag…or I can touch on Nora Ephron’s latest volume of essays, “I Feel Bad About My Neck and Other Thoughts on Being a Woman”. Care to place any wagers?

Actually, what better subject could I have found than an interview with the aforementioned writer, which appeared in…gulp…Saturday’s LA Times? Yeah, I’m aware that this is the Sunday Funnies, but heck, somehow Paris Hilton’s ahem….singing debut…seemed too…..predictable, even for me. So…excuse me for taking this liberty, after all, I didn’t even read{/b} it until today! The interview was done/written by LA Times Staff Writer, Mimi Avins.

“I thought, how weird is this that no one is saying how complicated and confusing and sad it is?” says Ephron, 65. I guess that means she doesn’t read my blog, nor has anyone sent her links to B.A.N.G., Sigh, I am just another anonymous observer of life I guess. Now, if I was having a bad or hormonal day, I would just cry.

According to the writer of the article, the slender volume debuted this week at No. 4 on the Times Best Seller List. She thinks sales have been so good, no doubt because it is the sort of book that women buy, not only for themselves but also for best friends, gifts and so forth. “Women who find themselves somewhere between the arrival of their first wrinkle and death have only to hear the title to get the message.” No doubt something akin to the phenomena of, “Snakes On a Plane”.

Before this fabulously successful director, screenwriter, novelist, she actually was a journalist and essayist, known for her wit and candor…and vulnerability. Ephron is a happily married, successful woman with grown children who are not doing 8-20 in some penitentiary. When she whimpers about getting older with its indignities and real annoyances accompanying us, as we age, it seems her rants are quite free of bitterness. Obviously a trait I could learn from. But…..yes, there is one, she really does feel bad about her neck, reading glasses, and spending so much time on personal maintenance, just to avoid looking like someone who no longer cares. But, don’t mistake her, she doesn’t hate her neck. I stand up and go to the mirror, because I have also have proclaimed loudly that I do. Verdict? Nah, I no longer hate mine either, have gained enough weight it actually filled out some of the creases! But, Nora does hate her….purse. HUH? Have I missed something? Sheesh, now I’m thinking maybe she is shallow. Gawd…better read on. Ahhh, it seems as though her second essay is titled, “I Hate My Purse.” I’m going to order this book, I need to know why that should be of interest. Maybe it is a metaphor for….hmmmm? I know I don’t hate my purse though.

The writer describes her appearance during the interview (taken in a booth at the Beverly Hills Hotel Cabana Club Café). Where else would it have been? Why not in one of the plush couches in the Valentino Boutique on Rodeo Drive, when I might have seen her? At least it would have been a celeb sighting. I quote the writer/interviewer, “Ephron’s purse was a smart, woven straw tote in shades of brown and tan. Even oh…nice qualifier…tsk-tsk, in bright sunlight, her neck looked pretty good, Oh.. thanks for that observation, better than many 65-year old necks. Gawd, don’t you just know she cringed while reading this about herself? Well, what I want to know is how most 65-year old necks look. In fairness though, since she used her neck as part of her book title, what can she expect? Although one of her firmly held beliefs is that after 60 WHEW, life should not be lived without a collection of turtleneck sweaters, her exposed neck was adorned with tiny pearls spaced along a delicate gold chain. Her face was unlined (thanks as she reports in the book, to her dermatologist and the miracle of cosmetic fillers), her hair looked casually terrific (it should, considering how long coloring and styling it takes). Her teeth were beautiful (they should be, since the cost of making them camera-ready white approximates the price of a Jeep Wrangler), attempts she (Ephron) classifies as ‘pathetic attempts to turn back the clock”. So far, most of this interview is annoying me, it is more of a physical observation by the interviewer, not much meat about the book. Now I’ll go to the other, three full columns it takes up…in search of…well, tidbits of her WRITING.

Ahhhh, finally getting down to some real discussion. Ephron is honest about the quest and psychological babble which propels it. That is a lot more than those who have been cheerleading and glorifying again in print: Gail Sheehy, for example, who has published a book earlier in the year, “Sex and the Seasoned Woman”, which maintained that, “women of 50 and over are…enjoying a resurgence of desire for romance and sex, and are actively pursuing new dreams and passions to enliven the many decades which lie ahead.” Gawd, could Sheehan have been reading my own essay, Dinosaur Lust, written over two years ago and readily available online??? I’m thinking lawsuit here… Apparently, Ephron has written her book as the antidote to such feel good blathers. Well, now I am starting to feel offended. Epron said she noticed, “Nobody else is telling the truth.” I resent that. Maybe she has forgotten{/b} what it was like to be 50 and hormonal…now that she is 65. Shit, talking about not seeing the glass as half-full!
"There was an avalanche of books full of unrelenting boosterism about how fabulous it is to be older,” she said. “I thought, how weird is…… (see the full quote in paragraph four above) If I write that, will it be too depressing? I forgot while asking that question that I usually write from the point of view of someone who tries to make a joke now and then.” Yeah, ok, a senior moment huh? How convenient.

“The dilemma of getting older is you really do worry about gray hair and a wrinkled neck, but you are happy to be here. It is not entirely terrible being older, and I can make jokes about things that are better about it. I mention them grudgingly, because on balance, I just don’t believe it.” She did offer up one benefit: “You feel fantastically wise, you just can’t remember anyone’s name. So it is the ridiculous combination of feeling fantastically wise and foolish.” Ok, that is funny…and true.

I will leave you today with this thought of Ephron’s: “Everything is copy. It isn’t only a rule for writers, it is a useful rule for everyone…you’ll be able to turn whatever happens into a story in which you are not the victim, but you are the hero. Many of the things which seem like tragedies, turn out to be the best thing that ever happened.” Yep, I’m buying this book, today!