"Birthday Surprise"

"Birthday Surprise"

My thirtieth birthday and I’m all alone.
My boyfriend has found someone new.
He was a bastard and I should have known
But now, I don’t know what to do.

I go to the tavern, a booth in the back
And sit there and drink by myself.
I’ve had three or more and my head’s out of whack
When suddenly ... down sits an elf!

My eyes try to focus as I look at him.
He’s blonde and he is quite a hunk.
A Legolas look-alike, sexy and slim ...
Not sure if I’m dreaming or drunk!

I stare at his face, but he says not a word
As I check out each long elfin ear.
An elf at the tavern? It seems so absurd!
I ask him, “So, why are you here?”

He looks up at me with his big solemn eyes
As I take one more sip from my glass.
“I’m sent to deliver a special surprise
To a desolate, sad-looking lass.”

He stands up beside me and gyrates his hips.
I sputter and spit out my booze!
He says “Call me Elf-us” as he wipes my lips
“And don’t spit on my blue suede elf shoes.”

He twitches and dances and wiggles his butt
As I sit there, completely in shock.
He can’t be an elf! He is some kind of nut!
This whole thing is simply a crock!

He suddenly stops and then bows with a flair.
I truly think I’m going mad!
But then Elf-us Presley is gone in thin air!
Best birthday gift I’ve ever had!

32 lines
rhyme pattern: abab