The Invisible Car

Short on dough but anticipating business, I designed to design an invisible car for myself.

I spent several months on bluescreen, a computer program I invented that interacts with the human brain to produce a blueprint upon which ideas may be drawn, quartered, and even dimed.

On bluescreen I equipped my machine with pegasus-power, which is like horsepower only it allows the car to fly. The car also has unicorn-power, which means I attached a massive lance to the front with which I can poke the car in front of me when it moves too slow. Design-wise I attempted to blend the sophistication of the Cadillac Escalade (Stealth Grey) with the general formidability of the GMC Sierra (Pewter).

Finally, on the first of January, 2008, I emerged from my study, ready to build.

The building occurred in a secret workshop I have hidden in cyberspace, where I did not have to feel the wrath of the vicious patent-stealers. I was assisted by several merry elves in my endeavours, who served mainly to freshen up my coffee and provide cookies that taste lovely with Maker Mark's whiskey. After a few months holed up in the shop, the slow, torturous execution was finished: the idea was dead as my brain, and she was snorting with readiness.

It was time to take my beautiful machine out for a ride. The sky was colorless and the snow was thick, and I was ready to roar, cigar smoking. The only thing left was to name the car.


I named the car the Unasus and managed to get halfway around the block and a bit off the street before the first officer pulled me over and asked for my registration. After serving a moderate jail sentence, I was forced to pay a fine for driving with too much assurance.