Memoirs Of My Childhood

I sometimes feel as if I'm traveling through a long narrow tunnel.My mind often wanders amongst past memories and feelings that still hold a firm tenacious grip on it,  Cringing, my mind is not willing to go back to the past. With all its painfulness all its tears, and all the heartache that encompasses that period. Although I really have no choice.

The thoughts, the scared feelings and terror surface at inopportune times when I least expect it. They come in quick short bursts raising havoc with my mind, invading as bacteria would to an open cut. Never stopping and sending me huddling, crouched on my knees in bed. With me sobbing uncontrollably held fast in my husbands loving arms. I cry tears of shame for those years even though I had no choice. Still I blame myself for what, I do not know. The hiding in closets, the slapping, running from the house in the middle of the night to hide under the straw in the barn.Then to get up and go to school the next morning, these things cause night terrors even now. My heart beats fast and my breath is short recalling this.

My weary brain knows if I should bring these terrors out in the daylight and talk, it would soothe my inner soul. By bringing the bright light of sunshine into my dark past. But to do that I would have to relive it and that is what's hard. So I write and pour my heart and soul into my writings. Just maybe I can help someone else who needs to know, "I have been there."                                                             

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