Love Letters

Dear Abby,
          I’ve been thinking about you all night. There’s so much I need to tell you. There’s too much for you to understand. I’m not even sure if I understand this all myself.
          I never thought I would ever find love. For the longest time it never thought about it, thinking the search was fruitless. But now I’ve found love and twice. It’s this that I could never expect you to understand; because the thought of it seems so ridiculous that even I can’t begin to fathom it.
          I knew you would be there. I ignored your message not to go. I’m still not quite sure why I thought that everything would work out okay. I stood there holding her hand, just keeping my eyes on the stage, fearing to look left or right incase I saw your face while she was holding so tight to me.
          I blame it on my camera that I spotted you. I was looking through the lens when I saw your hands rested on the edge of the stage. I remembered how you told me once that you loved the way the vibrations of the bass tickled your palm. This made me smile. You were moving your hips to the beat smoothly. It wasn’t like you were dancing to the music; you were part of it.
          I told her I wanted to get closer to take a few pictures. She agreed and let go of my hand. The crowd let me through easily. Maybe a little too easy. Before I knew it I was standing right behind you, trying hard not to be obvious that I was so taken away by you. What would happen if she looked over? Would she know why I was standing there? I must have looked guilty because I felt guilty, but I wanted to touch you. I need to. With a subtle brush of my finger tips against the back of your arm I failed to grab your attention. One step closer and I could smell your perfume, as delicate as it was. Your long, blonde hair touched my arm, sending goose bumps all over my body.
          I needed you to know I was there. I needed you to look into my eyes, if only for a second, no matter how risky it was. From your elbow to your wrist I let my fingers slide against your skin. I could feel you shiver. You moved closer to me. I traced my fingers against your palm before letting them move back to your elbow and down your waist. You turned your head, but only enough for me to see your smile. You knew just as well as I did it wasn’t safe for our eyes to meet. You locked your fingers into mine for just a moment and I closed my eyes, letting you and the music take me away.
          But the whole time I stood there, holding you close, I was thinking of her. I couldn’t let her down. I couldn’t be like this because I cared for her so much. This is why I let go of your hand. This is why I disappointed you once again.
          I keep disappointing you both over and over. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to make a choice when I need you both so close. There’s nothing I can say to make myself stop thinking about either of you. Every time we get so close it becomes hard for me.
          I’m begging for you to forgive me. I keep hoping that things will sort themselves out and that what’s meant to happen will happen. But is this it? Am I supposed to be torn for the rest of my life?
          I wish I could make this easier. I wish I could fix everything. I wish that this would all just be right, for once. I wish I could tell you how much I love you without hurting you more. But wishing does no good.
                    Love:
                              Kyle






Dear Kyle,
          Thank you and goodbye.
                    Love always:
                              Abigail