Those Once a Month Blues

All of my body parts
Are distended, nothing fits,
My feet are swollen,
My blouse is gaping open
From 'baby' fat;
I've got ‘PMS'
And I'm ready for combat;

It's those ‘Once a Month Blues'!

These hot flashes are getting
The best of me,
I'm called impudent and aggressive,
My boss made me angry so
I threw my shoe
He accused me of apathy,
It made the evening news;

Everyone and everything
Gets on my nerves,
I'm ready to pull my hair out,
Because of these
‘Once a Month Verbs',

There are dishes in the sink,
Bed's unmade,
Debts outstanding,
Can't seem to get them paid,
I don't understand why
My children aren't listening
To anything I say,

I'm not asking them to be perfect,
I just want them to do their best,
And their best is doing things my way.

They look at me strangely,
As if I'm to blame;
What's with them?
"Moms having PMS!"
They proclaim,

"Everyone run for the door!"

Why did God put this on women,
And not on men?
Just because Eve ate
The forbidden fruit,
We are paying for her sin.

I scurry off to the medicine cabinet
Looking for meds;
I've finally found what I'm looking for.
Ahhhh, there it is!

My salvation! My miracle drug!
My Estrogen!
I think I'll take a little snooze
until the Estrogen kicks in,
Then, Walla, no more
‘Once a Month Blues'

© Janice Bumbalough Marler
April 22, 2005
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