Travels with a Booger Man

WC 454

Travels with a Booger Man

By Jack Rawlins

"Lenny, why are you stopping here?"

"Damn it, Syd, get out of my car and clean out what ever the fuck you've got stuck up your freaken nose. I don't care if you have to dig it out with a sharp stick. Maybe it's lodged in your brain. Just get out and do it."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I won't do it any more."

"Bull. I don't think you can stop. It's compulsive. You do it constantly."

"Come on, Lenny, everybody picks his nose. They say even God picks his nose when he's alone."

"Damn it, Syd. I'm not kidding. Besides, you are not alone--- for God's sake. Root, root, root for the home booger. You do it every time we get in the car...my immaculate car. What's worse, I never know where you're gonna flick or wipe your prize. It's disgusting."

"Come on, Lenny, lots of people do a little nasal maintenance when they're driving. I see it all the time."

"Oh, yeah? Well you're not driving and I wouldn't think of letting you touch my steering wheel. You know I've only been traveling with you for two days, and you've spent more time on nasal maintenance than any man I've ever met. And we're gonna be together until Friday. I can't stand it that long. Just get out, get it out, and get back in---after you wash your hands."

"Gee, I'm sorry, Lenny. Where can I wash my hands?"

"Go find some water. A creek. A puddle. An oasis. I don't give a rat's ass."

Gee, You sound pissed. It's just a nervous habit, Lenny. I do it unconsciously.

"Well you better break the habit or I'm gonna break your finger. I didn't say anything about it for almost two whole days...thought maybe it was a temporary thing. But you just keep digging, digging, digging like you're after treasure.

"And you know what else, Syd? I can't understand how such a terrific salesman can be so insensitive to others. You are the most professional rep I've ever met in all my years on the road. But you are so extroverted you don't know when you're being obnoxious. Oh, never mind. Don't just sit there. Get out."

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Damn right, I'm serious. And when you come back, if you root one more time, you are going to ride in the back seat until Friday. We still have twelve more calls to make, and I don't want your eternal quest to mess up my car and distract me while I'm driving."

"Okay. Okay, I'm getting out. But Lenny, while I'm gone, would you please do something about the hairs in your nose? They are really gross. They make me nervous."

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