Annie, the Ugliest Kitten

She always fought waking from the dream, sometimes gasping for breath. Someone had been after her and death was only moments away. Once again the hero with kind brown eyes had saved her. In his strong gentle arms, Annie knew no one would ever hurt her.

Annie's childhood was a roller coaster of turbulence. Through it all she remained sweet and loving. She brought home stray animals with needy eyes and sparse hair like her own. She would cuddle them whispering words of love in their ears that she wanted to hear from her own Ma.

"I will give it my share of food, Ma. Please?"

Her ma would become angry.
"There ain't no share of food, fool child."

She didn't understand her mother's cruelty. Putting those animals back outside just broke her heart. Why was the world so cruel? Jesus had taught people to be kind to each other. Annie already knew people judged you by how you looked on the outside. When she started school, children pointed and laughed at her. They called her "Pig Eyes" and followed her throwing mean words that pierced her heart.

"Annie's a freak! Annie's a freak!"

"Stay away or her spots will jump on you."

"Join the circus, Pig Eyes. That's where you belong."

Tears would overflow and she would run to the bathroom to hide in shame. Why did God make her ugly? What had she done?

She felt her strands of thin white hair, saw the pearl patches on her skin and pink eyes with a red circle around the black area she could barely see through. Other girls and boys didn't look anything like her. Some of them wore glasses and one boy had his arm amputated above the elbow but kids thought he was cool. He was like the soldiers that came back from wars.
.
Her ma favored her sister, Susie. She would brush Susie's long red hair until it shone like a new copper penny. Susie had lovely jade green eyes and was sweet. Annie loved her sister but she longed to be lovely too.

Annie had always heard heartbreaking words from her mother.

"You was the ugliest kitten in the litter, so you better be smart or nobody will ever want you."

Annie would ask, "Are you going to give me away, ma?"

"Hell, no child, I get government money for you."

"Then I won't get married."

"Well, you better be thinkin bout a place to settle. After eighteen, I won't get anything else for you. No husband gonna want you."

"Do you hate me, ma?"
Hot painful tears fell as Annie asked.

"No, I reckon not or you'd be in a state home. You would be sleepin on a dirty floor, maybe jus bread and water to eat."

Annie remembered a short time of happiness with her ma. It was when ma was living with Jim Garris. Annie was nine and Susie was six. They lived in a trailer and it was a palace compared to public housing.. The cabinets weren't crawling with roaches like other places she had been in. They had a big color TV with a kitchen table and a fairly decent flowered sofa.

He was the nicest step-dad. She hadn't known her own father or Susie's. She didn't know if her mother even knew who they were.
Jim would cup her chin and say the nicest things.
"You are a beauty and never let anyone tell you different. You are my angel."

Jim never made fun of her and didn't let other people. He even made a tree house for the girls to play in. They pretended to be fairies that could fly and collected miniature things from the woods. They had a fairy named Starlight who watched over them.

The two girls were playing by Miss Miniver's trailer one day.

"You girls want these dress up jewels?"

Annie thanked her, put them away and swore Susie to secrecy. When the tree house was finished, Annie found a glass bottle to grace their new home. She came up with an idea. She took the jewelry apart and along with tiny pieces of mirror, she glued them on the bottle. It became the most magical thing they had ever seen. When you turned it around the sunlight acted like a prism to make it even more amazing. Jeannie on TV lived in a place like it with velvet pillows, tapestries and beautiful silk furniture. Annie decided this is where Starlight would live.

Jim was so proud when ma became pregnant with a son. He said the sonogram made sure it was boy.
"Todd" had a football, baseball, and pennants for Jim's favorite teams. Jim even made a cradle for him. He whistled and sang but he also drank "to celebrate". Empty liquor bottles piled up under the sink and beer cans overflowed the trash cans.
Having a boy made everyone in her house happy. Annie was ecstatic. Smiles and laughs had been brief in her short life time.

Ma worked at a greasy luncheonette and Jim worked in construction when he could. Ma missed her last couple of baby appointments at the clinic because she had to work. She knew her blood pressure was high.

Dr. Waters was one of the volunteer Obstetricians and he had given her medication and told her to stop by the office or go to a pharmacy to check her pressure. The nurse wrote down the numbers she needed to know.
June woke up two mornings with severe headaches, so she went in to the clinic.

The Physician's Assistant was worried.
"You really need to stay off your feet for the rest of your pregnancy. You could have a stroke and we would lose both of you. So go home and go to bed."

June felt like she had no choice so she laid down at home.

Life was about to become crazy and the girls had no control over it. Jim's personality was changing and Annie tried to keep herself and Susie away from him.

Jim came home late that night and smelled like beer.
"Why ain't you working? I got laid off and you gotta work, babe."

"Honey, my blood is way up and if I don't take off work, both me and the boy could die."

"Well now, ain't that just real convenient for you? You can just be lazy, reading movie magazines and watchin' TV on my money."
Jim yelled and cussed. Then he threw a phone book across the room.
He was pouring sweat and his face was beet red. "I ain't cooking or cleaning!"

Annie heard her Ma and Jim fighting that night while she tried to sleep.

The next day, Ma was dressed for work.
June came home after a half shift and laid down.
"I got a cripplin headache and seein stars."

Annie felt deep within her belly that something bad was going to happen.
It was within the next hour that Ma grabbed both sides of her head and fell to the floor. She foamed at the mouth, her legs and arms began to shake and she wet on herself.
Annie called 911 and turned Ma to her side so she wouldn't choke on the spit.

Help came and just like on TV, they started IV's and gave drugs to stop seizures and bring Ma's pressure down.
Annie and Susie went to the hospital with Jim in his truck.
He cussed all the way.

"'Damn you, June, if you lose my boy; I am going to kill you!!"

He kept beating the steering wheel. Annie's heart was skyrocketing. She had never seen Jim this way.

They called a code like on TV and rushed Ma to the Operating Room.
They heard Jim crying in the hallway. Annie heard their little brother had died and Ma had surgery.
After a long time, they brought Ma back and hooked her up to all kinds of tubes including blood
Jim didn't ask, he just went into June's room. He screamed at her and then plummeted her with his fists.

"What good are ya, bitch? Can't have a boy for me. Now you just blubber and act stupid!"
The girls watched Security pull him off her.

Annie thought he was just upset and would come back. She prayed that he wouldn't.
The girls walked the halls, slept on the chairs and the nurses got them lunch and dinner trays.
Annie comforted Susie in very way she could.
Social Services came up. Ma gave them a number to call Grandma Rainey, June's mother.

The girls stayed with Rainey for two weeks and then Ma came home. Rainey could barely care for herself. Annie was trying to take care of everyone.
Rainey said, "Your ma was sick in her insides, had to have her womb removed so no more babies for her."

Ma cried for Jim who was nowhere to be seen. Ma didn't get better. She didn't bathe, comb her hair or eat. She cried all the time and walked around like she was cradling a baby. She would even sing lullabies to an empty blanket in her arms. She was pitiful.

Annie knew her Ma had lost her mind.
Rainey had no choice, so she called Social Services.

A Case Manager was sent out to the filthy house. The food was spoiled milk, crackers and two cans of soup. Rainey was too old to raise them.
The girls were sent to a crowded state home until a foster family would take them.

Ma was sent to a "crowded, understaffed and dirty Regional Hospital for the Mentally Insane."
Annie was told that by her teacher.
Susie was sent to a foster family that very evening.
She and Annie hugged.

"I'll get them to come get you."
Annie smiled but she didn't believe it.
Because Susie was young, sweet and pretty, she was wanted and that is how things were.

Annie was going to miss her sister but loss was a theme in her life these days.
The room that Annie was sent to had three other girls with deep mental problems.
Annie thought, 'Susie would have broke down in here so God did the right thing'.

Karen was eleven and the first thing she said was a brag.
"Zeke, my step-dad, love me. He say I tighter then my Ma."

Suellen was retarded and no one wanted a "stupid kid."
She said her "Mama been doin lotsa drugs."
Tiny would sit on her bed rocking back and forth with a baby blanket singing, "Hush little baby, don't you cry."
She had soft thin blond hair and her eyes looked different. Annie felt a bond between the two of them.
The non-stop singing gave her headaches.

Karen would hit Suellen, she would stop for a while before she went back to the singing. Hitting her was like striking a baby.
Later Annie discovered Suellen had Down's Syndrome.

Annie knew that Susie was okay because on Sundays they could talk on the phone.
Susie was with a married couple that kept children until someone could take them. Right now she was the only child there.
Susie missed Annie but had lots to do with school and gymnastics.

When Annie was twelve, she heard the word Albino on a TV game show. It described how she looked. She found the word in Webster's Dictionary.
Albino: a human being that is congenitally deficient in pigment and usually has a milky or translucent skin, white or colorless hair, and eyes with a pink or blue iris and deep-red pupils.

Soon Annie was taken to a specialist to get corrective lenses. If the children had medical problems, a grant had been set aside to help them.
Annie worked so hard to learn, she gave 200% for what others gave 35% to 75%. She was a sponge and knew education was her way out to a much better life where she had control. Reading biographies and history books opened a new world.

Annie's teacher, Ms. Craig, was so encouraging. She told Annie,
"I want to give you extra lessons because you are so bright. You could be a doctor or lawyer."

Ms. Craig confirmed doors of opportunity open with education.
Ms Craig also told Annie, "I can look into your lovely eyes and see faraway places."

When Annie was fourteen, a biracial couple came to see her. Annie was excited because they wanted to adopt her.
Annie thought, 'just imagine, someone wants the ugliest kitten'.

The lady, Maryann, had gray hair and gentle green eyes that crinkled when she laughed. She had been a schoolteacher and her husband Dean, was a musician in the city orchestra. He was quiet but had brought a packet of paper called Origami. With it, he made animals and taught Annie how. She was a natural, picking up the craft easily.

Annie loved his soft smile and brown eyes. They seemed to dance watching her as she spoke.

He listened as if he cared about what she said.

"Annie, I don't want to rush this but I think we have a positive current going here."

She smiled and said, "You look like the man in my dreams that carried me away from a fire."

Maryann had a laugh that sounded like jingle bells. They all sat at a table outside with cookies and lemonade. Maryann said she was forty now and they had tried so hard to have children. She had to have her uterus removed.

Annie said, "Just like our Mom."
Then, "I miss my little sister so very much."

"I know you do, honey. Maybe we can arrange something," said Maryann.

One thing Annie had carried from her childhood was the jeweled bottle. She would open it each night and hope that Susie was thinking about her.

Maryann complimented Annie.
"Your hair is like spun gold. The lights shimmer in it, like angels live there. It says in the Bible a woman's hair is worth her weight in rubies."

Annie brought her a baby's brush, she loved having her hair brushed. Maryann instinctively knew she ached for a mother's touch. As Maryann brushed her hair, she also told her the fairy tale story of Rapunzel. Annie had found someone who loved books and fairy tales.

Annie knew her hair was thin and Maryann was so gentle. She brushed it like a baby's hair.
Maryann told her of one book that she might like about a girl that loved books and was poor, "A Tree grows in Brooklyn". She brought the book with her the next time.

They had three more visits with gifts of art materials and books. They also told Annie they loved her and gave her a hug.
On the fourth visit, they were late and Annie was frightened they had changed their minds.
When they showed up, they had Susie with a suitcase.

Annie felt total joy, like the women swaying in the church filled with the Holy Spirit. She felt her inner beauty that flowed throughout her body. She looked in a mirror for the first time in years and smiled.

They went home to a house with a real white picket fence and flowers in window boxes.
That night as Annie laid in her bed, she felt the cool breeze over her face. There was the clean crisp smell of sheets hung to dry and the sound of crickets.
They celebrated their Sunday together as a family with a roast and mashed potatoes. It was everyone's favorite meal and the finishing touch was cupcakes with angel frosting.

They had been living there for one month and all was going well.
It was midnight. Annie had a sudden sharp pain in the pit of her stomach like when her Mom had the stroke. She was terrified. She whispered to Susie and no sound was heard. Susie was sleeping. They had canopy beds in their room with quilts Maryann had made and many pillows. All was quiet so she said a prayer and finally drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Annie woke to the smell of maple syrup and thought blueberry pancakes, Susie's favorite.
Annie jumped up and ran to the kitchen.
"Where's Susie, dear?"
"I thought she would be in here eating pancakes already."

Maryann took off to their room.
"Susie, Susie, where are you?"

Without thinking, Maryann threw back the sheets and comforter, moving pillows and touching evidence.
The window next to the bed had a large slash in the screen. The window had been down but unlocked due to the neighborhood. No dangerous crime had ever happened there before.
Soon local police and officers from the nearby town were swarming all over.

An investigation found Jim Garris in jail. Their Ma, June, was in a drugged condition in the Mental Hospital. She was unable to walk, much less plan a kidnapping or worse.

Everyone was terrified. The neighbors put up posters and led searches. There was a child molester loose in the state of Iowa and the National News Service tried to connect the two crimes.
A small amount of Susie's blood was found outside the window.

After an anxious week, a woman that lived in the house next to Rainey's heard noise in the building outside. She called the police and Susie was found in there wrapped in a blanket. She was bound up with a baby bottle beside her. She had kicked a bucket over and Rainey was asleep beside her.

The police had questioned Rainey right after the incident in her house and neighbors but since no one knew anything and Rainey appeared fairly lucid, they wrote it off.

Susie knew Rainey was just confused but was afraid of the time going by and no one finding her. She was afraid to get away on her own. She didn't think Rainey would hurt her. Susie was supposed to be our Grandmother's baby with a diaper, bottle and pacifier.

No one pressed charges and both Rainey and Susie had court ordered therapy.

When Susie was tucked in bed the night she was returned, the whole family got on the bed. All took turns telling Susie how much she meant to them.

As a teenager, Annie began a support organization for people without pigment in their skin. It branched out to include people with other skin diseases. A very special man helped her with that. He had walked into her support group filled with people that were classified as "albino."

Gregory Simmons had very extensive psoriasis. He walked in and said, "Does this group discriminate?"

Annie walked up to him and said, "Not discriminating is what we are all about."

Gregory explained about his disorder. Psoriasis is a chronic skin disease characterized by circumscribed red patches covered with white scales, on his face. He told stories of what he had told people was wrong with him, like an allergy to snakes or he was kissed by a frog.
He was so personable, everyone loved him from the beginning.

He came up to Annie afterwards and said, "Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?"
Annie looked deeply into his copper soulful eyes and her heart opened.
Her reaction to his compliment made her realize 'this is it, my moment of truth'.



By Kathie Stehr
August 4, 2010