A Narrow escape

A Narrow Escape

"Mom, my car is giving me trouble, I am stranded here on I-90, it is getting dark and I don't know...." Lisa was saying on the phone.

"Lisa, tell me exactly where you are, did you call for help?" Kathy asked but she could hear somebody else in the background.

"Mom, here is this driver who just stopped for me and wants to help me, so let me go..." Lisa disconnected.

Kathy got restless, she joined Ron - they were in the middle of their dinner.

"Who is this other driver?" Ron was concerned. "She didn't say, but ran." They started to worry. What if she does get into trouble? What if the other driver is not an honest person but a crook or worse? What if she gets....? They did not want to think the worst but all the news you read or hear makes you very worrisome.

"I was telling you not to let her drive alone, but you wouldn't listen!" Kathy was reminding Ron about their conversation from the day before.

"Kathy, all kids drive to college, what's so big? She will be ok!" Ron tried to be calm. Kathy couldn't eat anymore. She just cleaned the table after Ron and kept herself busy with dishes and all.

"I called on her cell phone, but she is not responding." Ron came in and said.

They couldn't concentrate on anything, every fifteen minutes Ron tried to reach Lisa, but there was no answer. Finally after an hour, Kathy tried and Lisa responded,

"Mom, I am at this Motel, ""What Motel?" Kathy cut her short. But Lisa continued," The car won't be fixed until tomorrow. This other driver is a mechanic and he is staying in this town only, so he brought me to this motel and he will work on the car."

"Are you out of your mind, Lisa?" Kathy couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"But Mom, what do you want me to do?" Lisa asked.

"You should have gone to a proper gas station and used your insurance card. I still want you to do that."

"But I am already checked in and going for dinner, now." She was not disturbed at all.

"No! You are not going with him anywhere. Eat whatever you have with you and go to your room and wait for my call. I will find out what to do. "Kathy sternly instructed and asked Ron to talk to Lisa.

"Lisa, honey, do as Mom says. Please don't do anything stupid."

"But, Dad, this is not stupid, I am okay. When the car gets fixed tomorrow I will be at school in no time at all." Lisa was arguing.

"No Lisa, the car will get fixed but not by some unknown mechanic, okay? Just stay put! We will arrange something and call you. Lock your door and get in your room." Ron was stricter than usual.

"But, what am I supposed to say to him? He has helped me so far..." Lisa was confused by her parent's reaction.

"You don't have to say anything to him. Ignore him, and please don't see him or let him in your room." Kathy was pleading.

"You are impossible; I don't even know what the big deal here is?" Lisa was very unhappy.

"Honey, believe me, it is for your own good. Please listen!" Ron disconnected the phone.

Kathy was nervous and didn't know what to do. Ron started looking into maps trying to find the place. He located the Motel that Lisa had mentioned; it was about 120 miles away.

"It looks like there are a lot of gas stations near this motel, but Lisa probably has to wait until morning to get the car fixed" Ron reasoned. Kathy didn't think she could take it untill then. "You know, what I think Ron? You should go there and get her back or stay with her. "

"It will be a two hour drive, and she will not like it. She will feel that we don't trust her." Ron said.

"That is true, but if that other driver is a bad person and something happens to her, then....?" Kathy was restless.

"He may be good too, and we may be overreacting!" Ron considered.

"That could be true too! But I like to take care of things that worry us. If everything is fine, all we lose is two hours of driving effort. Don't you think? "

"Well, instead of sitting here worrying, may be we should start right away!"

"Don't you think, I should be here, in case Lisa calls?"

"But you will be a nervous wreck here, so it is better that we go together and we will keep on calling her from the car." Ron pulled out the car keys and they both walked out of the house.

The minute Ron started the car Kathy called Lisa, no answer after 20 rings.
May be, she is in the bathroom; she tried to tell herself that.
She was thinkig, they had a great summer this year. Three of them had gone for a vacation to Hawaii. Lisa didn't find a job this summer so she was home all the time but she had her friends around and they liked to hang out together. She seemed very happy, especially when she got her first new car. Ron wanted to give it to her for her 20th Birthday; Kathy didn't approve and thought it was unnecessary on a campus. But they won, and Kathy was disappointed. She had a bad memory of a car accident her friend had in college, which was the reason she was so reluctant to allow Lisa to drive alone. Whitney Houston was singing on the car radio but neither one of them could hum to the song. The storm in their minds was relentless. There was no traffic at all, so they probably will make it there in less than two hours thought Kathy. Kathy tried Lisa, again, no answer.

Ron suggested to call the Motel, Kathy got the number through assistance and called the Motel." Have you seen a young blond girl get out of the Motel recently? She checked in there an hour ago? Her name is Lisa..." Kathy asked the front desk. "I think she just left with a young man a few minutes ago." The receptionist informed.

"Are you sure, it is Lisa?" Yes Madam, We have only 4 rooms rented today, and most of the people here are older."

Kathy was really panicky now. "What? She didn't even listen to me?" Ron was shouting with despair. They couldn't believe that their daughter was so naive that even after their suggestions, she did whatever she wanted. Why didn't she hear the warning signs in our voice, she just didn't care to pay attention to the subtle messeges they are trying to give her. They both were worried sick.

Kathy tried to call her again, Lisa answered, "Mom? Now What?"
"Lisa, where are you? And with whom?" Kathy demanded
"Mom, I am just here at this restaurant across the street from the Motel. Jack just wanted to have a bite, so I went along."
"But you were told, not to leave the room."
"It is just for a bite, I will be there in no time. I promise."
"I don't want to repeat myself, Lisa. Please listen. Go to your room right now,"
"Mom, let me finish first! Don't worry. I will call you when I get there."

Lisa disconnected the phone and Kathy lost her cool. There was still about a thirty five-minute-drive left and she simply could not think straight. Thank god she did not have to drive in this situation. Ron was trying to concentrate on driving and hoping for the best. The road seemed endless and their worries were increasing by the minute. They were praying for their daughter's safety and hoping she would see the reason for their concern and act accordingly.

Finally they saw the sign for the Motel and turned into its parking lot, which was practically empty. They hurried to the desk and inquired about Lisa.

The receptionist said, "I don't think she is back yet. But let me check the room, "she placed the call but there was no answer.
That was the last blow. Ron started running to the restaurant Lisa had mentioned. Kathy was following him.

In its parking lot, Ron found a lonely car and in there were two people trying to kiss...Ron shouted Lisa's name and immediately Lisa jumped out of the car,

"Daddy! How did you know, I wanted you here?" She went into Ron's arms. Kathy was staring at them, sobbing softly.
Just then Lisa noticed her, "Thanks Mom, for caring so much for me! I should have listened to you and stayed in my room. But...." Lisa was sobbing now.
Kathy held her close, said, "Thank god! You are safe, my poor baby!"
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written on 5/12/08
word count 1494
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२०११ साली भरणा-या अधिवेशनाच्या स्मरणिकेची जबाबदारी मी स्वीकारली असून त्यासाठी तुमचे बृहन्महाराष्ट्र मन्डळाबाबतचे विचार मागवीत आहे.
अध्यक्ष या नात्याने आपल्या लेखात खालील प्रश्नांचा आढावा असावा अशी अपेक्षा आहे.
- अध्यक्ष का व्हायचे होते?
-दोन वर्षांच्या काळात तुम्हाला तुमचे मनातील सर्व काही करता आले का?
- मंडळ त्या काळात प्रगतीपर होते का?
-अध्यक्षाच्या प्रमुख अडचणी किंवा तक्रारी कोणत्या जाणवल्या?
- खांदेपालट झाल्यावर सुटल्यासारखे वाटले की चुकल्यासारखे वाटले?
-आता इतक्या वर्षांनंतर मंडळाबद्दल काय भावना आहेत?

याच बरोबर त्याच वर्षी झालेल्या अधिवेशनाच्या प्रमुख संयोजकालाही विचार लिहिण्याची विनंती करीत आहे.
त्या लेखात खालील प्रश्नांचा विचार अपेक्षित आहे.
-अधिवेशनाची जबाबदारी का स्वीकारली?
- सगळ्यात महत्वाची कामगिरी कोणती?
- तुमच्या कल्पनेप्रमाणे अधिवेशन पार पडले का?
-प्रमुख अडचणी किंवा तक्रारी कोणत्या जाणवल्या?
-अधिवेशनाबाबत मराठी लोकांचा उत्साह कितपत टिकेल?

आपले लेख कृपया माझ्याकडे नोव्हेंबर ३० पर्यंत पाठवावेत. शब्दमर्यादा ४००.( साधारण १ पानभरच)

जया हुपरीकर ,
इ-मेल : [e-mail]
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TUG OF CULTURES



"It will be best for you to work at McDonald's and go to a community college part time." That was her aunt's suggestion. Anita did not like the tone of it though she was not aware of the brutality of the statement at that time. She had recently arrived in the USA from India, with her parents and brother. Her father's parents, along with his brothers, were settled in USA. After her father's early retirement, they decided to join the family.

She did not feel a part of the family, since none of them showed any concerns for their well-being but were busy showing off the wealth and prestige they acquired in USA. Sometimes she felt like an alien, uprooted from the loving family back in India, a nice comfortable life compared to this real "family" who was treating her like anything but. Was it necessary to be here? How could she be sure if it is a country of freedom and opportunities?

The family in the USA did not bother to inform them about children's education so she found out herself that her brother could go to public school in 10th grade, without problem, but it was too late for getting admission in any college for her. Girls in India are not allowed to work, except in poor communities where there is no choice, so her father wouldn't let her work anywhere and definitely not at a place like McDonald's.

She found the life in America very different, everybody so bold and free, especially when she saw her elder cousins had cars of their own and were free to go in and out as they pleased. Her younger cousins had more freedom than she ever had. They even went to Europe last spring by themselves, with their friends. She heard once, just two days after she had arrived, her elder cousin telling her father, "You better leave Anita alone now, Kaka. You can not pester her all the time. You are in America now."

"Maybe, but I am still her dad, and that won't change," her father had snapped back. In India she wouldn't dare to talk like that to her uncle.

There is so much housework needing to be done by homeowners in America . Her aunt was getting a maid service once a week but daily jobs were done by family members. In India she never had to lift a finger. Her mom used to cook only special meals. They had a cook, driver, gardener and two other servants to do laundry, ironing, cleaning and miscellaneous jobs. That was a very difficult adjustment at the beginning.

Finding a job in America was not easy for her Dad, especially considering his age and lack of experience. But he had to find something, since they did not want to stay past their Uncle's welcome. Besides it was hard to stay there listening to Aunt's comments: how they dress, talk, even eat. It was painful to see her mother working in the kitchen all day long when her Aunt was busy shopping and gossiping.

Her mother found a job before her father did. That gave them a chance to move out just in time for her brother to start school. She decided to enter a community college to complete the prerequisites for college next year. It was a trying year, emotionally as well as financially, but that also taught them a lot about their "family" and new lifestyle in America. She and her brother became more independent and adapted to American lifestyle quicker than their parents. They became like consultants to their parents, changing roles.

The following spring, Anita got admission to college with full scholarship. After all she had been a merit scholar in India and ranked first in the class as a valedictorian. She decided to go to college away from home, wanting to explore horizons of freedom. It was harder on her parents than her. They were worried and wondering about their decision. They agreed reluctantly but insisted that she must call them every day. She was so excited that she agreed to everything they said, as long as they let her out.

During freshman year she lived in a dorm with her assigned white American room-mate, and that was great because Anita got a chance to learn first hand about the American lifestyle. The roommate was also curious about her, the differences in their culture and about her different looks, but eventually surprised to find out there were more similarities in them as the time went by. Both were liberal arts student and had lot in common, both liked to shop and look nice. The only difference in attitude was that Anita wanted to do that for herself but the roommate wanted to please her boyfriend.

"How come you do not have a boy friend, Anita? Shall I hook you up with someone? " That is the question Anita had to answer all the time.

"No, I don't need a man. You see, we are brought up to believe that there is appropriate time for everything in life. Right now is the time for me to study. Boyfriends, marriage comes later on. So the thought does not occur to me. We do not believe in dating -- at least our family does not. I feel this trial and error method is not very romantic-- I find it rather mechanical, the way it is done here, without any commitment. Anyway it is all in your mind set."

Nobody understood or wanted to believe in mind-set theory but they respected Anita's cultural belief and the strength of her mind.

The next year she had two more roommates and all four of them shared an apartment, The two newcomers were ABCDs-American Born Confused Deshis ( the term used in Indian community, referring to the children born to Indian origin parents. "Confused" means a cultural confusion between parental advice for Indian values and peer pressure for American life, and they have trouble balancing their act. "Deshis" means "from India" -"desh" means "country" in Hindi.)

All her roommates, including ABCDs, were busy on week-ends with their respective boyfriends. So Friday nights were the only nights to hang out together with a group of friends, to attend music concerts, taverns or bars or just to be together. Whenever drinking was involved, Anita would gracefully stay away from it and offered to be designated driver for them. At the beginning her friends tried to give her beer to drink but she didn't like it and then they did not force her. She could never understand the fun in losing self- control and crossing one's tolerance level. For her, to enjoy anything one had to feel it, remember it, not lose oneself in it. She was called "prude" often enough. ABCDs were not any different either in that matter. She was the only one in the group, direct from India to college in the USA. She had a lot to experience.

One day a boy asked her out. Her roommate was hinting at this for a while and when it really happened she did not know how to respond. For a second she thought why not? But after a long while she decided to turn it down and suggested going out with the group, but that was not what he wanted. Her roommates did not like her decision but it was her life and she was responsible for her decisions.

Since she worked on weeknights in the school's library, weekends were the only time for her to do her homework. She was amused that her ABCD roommates also needed to call their parents everyday. One mother wanted to call her daughter herself every night at 11 PM to check up on her, so they all had to be running from wherever to be there at 11.00. Their American roommate was totally amused by this parental attention-interference.

There was a lot of girlish talk about boys, makeups, breakups. They liked to hear Anita's stories from India, which were beyond their imagination. Anita sympathized with them whenever there was falling out or break-up with any boyfriends, though she never could understand how easily they changed their boyfriends and the way roommates were in and out love with such a frequency and yet each time it supposed to be a true love. They found it very odd that she did not feel like them and still did not have a boyfriend. They always teased her, " If you have never done it, how do you know the fun of it, or what are you missing?" Sometimes she used to wonder herself. But her strong values would not let her falter and she remained calm, thinking about her parents and their worries about her. She loved to shop with her friends and enjoyed it immensely. They went to many parties, where she met lots of boys and girls. Some would accept her, some would not, but she just tried to enjoy the freedom of choices. The widening of horizons was challenging to her and she wanted to explore every avenue of learning, as well as fun. She embarked on the journey by herself, delving, analyzing, and remodeling herself to fit into the culture without losing her integrity.

She was doing well in school, maintaining her 3.8 average grade, though her parents, like typical Indian parents, would question her about it.
"Why not perfect 4.00?"

Even though they knew perfectly well that she was supporting her education by working weeknights in the library. The question would sadden her but she did not argue. The only time she was very upset was when her French class offered a summer in Paris and she could not go, only because she could not afford to cover the expenses. If they were in India, her parents would have supported her but in America it simply was not feasible. She was so upset over it that she decided to sneak out and join her friends on a cruise to Bahamas, but did not mention it to her parents just to avoid unpleasant discussions. Even her friends were surprised at her action that time. But it was her decision and she was enjoyed the freedom and liked being responsible for her education, her decisions for her life.

She never judged her roommate's behavior even if it was strange sometimes for her. They found her adjusting very well by redesigning her old habits-- traditions and conventions-- which were a part of her as growing up in India, for example: going out with friends, especially with boys at night, with no curfew, going to taverns or bars without parent's permission. At the same time she never abused the freedom she had and never acted impulsively. Her ABCD roommates found that instead of being washed up on the shores of cultural confusions, like them, she survived the tug of cultures unharmed due to her inner strength which led her to adapt in harmony. She never abused the freedom like them, she learned to modify rather than defy. She had set values for do's and do nots and she always respected them, simply because she believed in them. She thought the four years of school were building blocks of her personality.

After graduation, the roommates went their own ways, but the bond will be there for ever. They may never stay together but the memories will keep them together for ever.

Anita had her first job waiting for her at the State National Bank where she had worked two summer internships, back in the same town where her parents lived. She would be with her parents again but, for her, America has turned out to be truly a land of freedom and opportunities.

Footnote : Anita married to an ABCD, but she feels he is AB only, not a trace of CD at all.

wordcount 1988
written on 4/2/10
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A special day

For a few years now, our family traditionally celebrated birthdays by going out to the restaurant, selected by the birthday person. The tradition continued on with our daughters-in-law, the only difference since then is our boys started treating us on our birthdays now.

Two years ago on my husband’s birthday we were to meet at his favorite restaurant. As we were approaching the entrance we met our nephew from Michigan with his family, wishing, “Happy Birthday, Uncle!” We were happily surprised, and with him we entered the dark banquet hall. The minute we were inside, the lights went on with, “Surprise, Happy birthday!” in a chorus. My husband was really perplexed and I thought he became little emotional too, by seeing all his friends present there for him, including his college friend whom he had not seen for over ten years. Our sons had planned the party for my husband and our daughter- in- law must have done all the leg work, I was sure. There were about eighty people in the group.

After appetizers and drinks the luncheon was served. There was a slide presentation prepared by our sons, depicting the last 40 years of our life with family and friends. Those moments were so precious, that everybody involved was moved by the memories presented on the screen. I know; I was. Then many friends decided to speak about us, our friendship. Some of them even presented a skit, about my husband’s dramatic activity. He had produced and directed about thirty two plays in last as many years. Many memories, many events, laughter and pains weighed high in the heart. A reverie was broken by our grandson who wanted grandpa to cut the cake. With him as a lead singer, “Happy Birthday, Grandpa, Grandma!” followed by cutting and tasting of the cake, and then lunch was served.

After lunch, my husband wanted me to make a gratitude speech on his behalf, he would say ‘Thank you’. But then he felt that the party deserves more than that and I should be doing it.
I picked up the microphone, and started expressing in the following poem:

Seven decades of the journey, now at the junction,
Spent many with friends from a station to station
Shared our joy, bear the pain
Lively memories still remain
Didn’t have a palace, diamonds or gold
enriched by the love and care to behold
Our precious sons, daughters and grandkids
Our treasures in the life and also real pride
Thank you all for being there for us,
The grace of the God to support us!

Then there was lot of hugging and picture taking in groups, to cherish the moments. That was an emotional moment for all of us and nobody wanted to part from it.
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Wordcount 464
written on 22/1/09

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