libretto 3

Draft 3
The Facts Concerning the Recent Carnival of Crime in Connecticut
Libretto by HJS
Based off of the Short Story by Mark Twain

Characters:
Narrator:
The Dwarf
Aunt Mary
Boy – played by a member of the Chorus
4 Part Chorus

Opening
(The Narrator is seated alone on stage. At the end of the Overture, he lights a cigar and picks up the mail, which is rests on a table near him. While reading the mail, he reacts to the words of the Chorus, as the Chorus is his inner dialogue and thought)

CHORUS
I was feeling blithe, almost jocund.

(The narrator opens an letter and seeing that it is from his Aunt Mary, reminisces on this relationship with his beloved aunt as the Chorus sings on.)

A thrill of pleasure
Aunt Mary’s handwriting
She was the person I loved, honored most in all the world.
My boyhood’s idol

(The narrator looks thoughtfully at his cigar)
Long after everybody else's do-stop-smoking ceased to affect me in the slightest degree, Aunt Mary could still stir my torpid conscience into faint signs of life.

But all things have their limit in this world
(The narrator begins to smoke with more deliberate action and enjoyment than before.)

At last Aunt Mary’s words could no longer move me.
I could not have enjoyed my pet vice more
The one alloy that was able to mar my enjoyment of my aunt’s society was gone.

NARRATOR
I am very eager to see her again.

CHORUS
She was coming
I could expect her at any moment

NARRATOR
I am thoroughly happy and content.
If my most pitiless enemy could appear before me at this moment, I would freely right any wrong I may have done him.

(The Dwarf enters by flinging open the door. He moves as though inflicted by a strange infirmity, half-tragic, half-mocking and an exaggeration of the Narrator’s movements. The Narrator and Chorus look on with disgust.)
CHORUS
A conspicuous deformity
Nicely adjusted deformity?
Vile bit of human rubbish
Covered all over with a fuzzy, greenish mold
Nauseating sight

The dim suggestion of a burlesque upon me...

(The Dwarf inspects his surroundings and settles on a chair too big for him, and puts his feet up on a table. He snatches up the Narrator’s tobacco box, produces a pipe from his pockets and fills his pipe with tobacco, making himself welcome and completely at ease.)

DWARF
Gimme a match

CHORUS
Some incomprehensible sense of being legally and legitimately under his authority...
Obey his order.

(The Narrator applies a lighted match to the Dwarf’s pipe. The Dwarf smokes languidly, inhaling and exhaling at his leisure. When he sings its with a casual and almost condescending air.)

DWARF
Seems to me it’s devilish odd weather for this time of year.

CHORUS
An exasperating drawl.
A mocking imitation of my drawling speech.

NARRATOR
Look here, you miserable ash-cat You will have to give a little more attention to your manners, or I will throw you out of the window

(The Dwarf smiles maliciously at the Narrator and continues to smoke at his leisure.)

DWARF
Come now, go gently. Don’t put on too many airs with your betters.

(The Chorus and Narrator are both shocked and subjugated by this remark. The two stare at the Dwarf, who stares back at them, sneering. The Dwarf doesn’t address or formally acknowledge the Chorus, but does appear to recognize their presence at least as a function of the Narrator. For a moment they are at a standoff.)

DWARF
You turned a tramp away from your door this morning.

NARRATOR
Perhaps I did.
Perhaps I didn’t.
How do you know?

DWARF
It isn’t any matter how I know.

NARRATORVery well. Suppose I did turn a tramp away from the door.
What of it?

DWARF
Oh nothing; nothing in particular. Only you lied to him.

NARRATOR
I didn’t
That is, I-

DWARF
Yes, but you did. You lied to him.

CHORUS
A guilty pang
Guilty pang-
Felt forty times before that tramp traveled a block from my door.

NARRATOR
This is a baseless impertinence. I said to the tramp-

DWARF (This time addressing both the Narrator and to some degree the Chorus)
There-wait
You were about to lie again.
I know what you said to him. You said the cook was gone downtown and there was nothing left from breakfast.
Two lies.

CHORUS
Two lies

DWARF
You knew the cook was behind the door and plenty of provisions behind her.

(The Narrator is astonished into silence but the Chorus jabbers on-)

CHORUS
Wondering speculations
How could this cub have got this information?
Culled the conversation from the tramp
What about the concealed cook?

DWARF (Almost as if interrupting the Chorus)
It was rather pitiful, rather small, in you to refuse to read that poor young woman’s manuscript the other day.
She had come so far too, and so hopefully.
Now wasn’t it?

CHORUS
I had felt like a cur every time the thing recurred to my mind.

NARRATOR
Look here, have you nothing better to do than prowl around into other people’s business?
Did that girl tell you that?

DWARFNever mind whether she did or not. You did that contemptible thing. And you felth ashamed of it afterward.
Aha You feel ashamed of it now

NARRATOR
I told that girl, in the kindest, gentlest way, that I could not consent to deliver judgement upon anyone’s manuscript. An individual’s verdict was worthless.

DWARF
So you did, you juggling, small-souled shuffler
And yet when the happy hopefulness faded out of that poor girl’s face, you saw her furtively slip beneath her shawl the scroll she had so patiently and honestly scribbled at-
so ashamed of it now, so proud of it before-
when you saw the gladness go out of her eyes and the tears come there,
when she crept humbly away-

NARRATOR
Oh peace

CHORUS
Peace Peace

NARRATOR
Blister your merciless tongue.
These thoughts torture me enough without your coming here to fetch them back again

CHORUS
Remorse Remorse

Every sentence an accusation.
Every accusation a truth.

(The Dwarf leers and chuckles at the Narrator’s suffering as the Chorus goes on.)

Every slow dropping word burning like vitrol
Reminding me of times when I had flown at my children in anger and punished them for faults with they had not committed.
Reminding me of how I disloyally allowed old friends to be traduced in my hearing; too craven to utter a word in their defense.
Reminding me of many dishonest things I had done-
Which I had procured to be done by children and other irresponsible persons
Some which I longed to do and kept from performance by fear of consequence only.

Calling to mind item by item, wrongs and unkindnesses I had inflicted.

Exquisite cruelty

DWARF
Take the case of your younger brother, when you two were boys together.
He always lovingly trusted you, following you about like a dog, content to suffer wrong and abuse if only he might be with you.

The latest picture you have of him in health and strength must be such a comfort to you!

You pledged your honor that if he would let you blindfold him; and giggling and choking over the rare fun of the joke, you led him to a brook thinly glazed with ice, and pushed him in. How you did laugh!
You will never forget the gentle, reproachful look he gave you as he struggled, shivering out. Oho! You see it now!

CHORUS
Beast!

NARRATOR
I have seen it a million times!

CHORUS
I shall see it a million more.

NARRATOR
And may you rot away piecemeal, and suffer til doomsday what I suffer now!

(The Dwarf chuckles meanly.)

CHORUS
This accusing history of my career!
The merciless lash.
And suffering in silence-

DWARF
Two months ago, on a Tuesday, you woke in the night, and fell to thinking with shame about a peculiarly mean and pitiful act towards a poor ignorant Indian in the wilds of the Rocky Mountains in the winter of eighteen hundred and-

CHORUS
Stop!

NARRATOR
Stop a moment devil!
Do you mean to tell me that even my very thoughts are not hidden from you?

DWARF
Didn’t you think the thoughts I have just mentioned?

NARRATOR
If I didn’t may I never breathe again!
Look here- friend- look me in the eye. Who are you?

DWARF
Who do you think?

NARRATOR
I think you are Satan himself.

CHORUS
The devil!

DWARF
No.

CHORUS
No?
NARRATOR
Then who can you be?

DWARF
Well, I am your Conscience!

(The Narrator springs to his feet and jumps at the Dwarf, the Chorus sings with agitated joy.)

CHORUS
Joy!
Exultation!

NARRATOR
Curse you! I have wished a hundred million times that you were tangible.

CHORUS
That I could get my hands on your throat once!

NARRATOR
Oh, but I will wreak a deadly vengeance on you!

(The Narrator attempts to attack the Dwarf, who seems to float easily out of his reach. The two chase each other around the room, while the Chorus sings. The Narrator knocks over tables, chairs, books, making a mess of the place. The Dwarf meanwhile snubs his nose at the Narrator and laughs at his attempts to catch him.)

CHORUS
Folly!
The poker! The bootjack!
Hurl any missile handy!

(At the end of it, the Dwarf is sitting happily on a table or bookcase while the Narrator is panting for breath.)

DWARF
My good slave, you are curiously witless - characteristically so.
You are always consistent, always an ass.
It must have occurred to you that if you attempted this murder with a sad heart - a heavy conscience, I would droop under the burdening influence instantly.
Fool!
I should have weighed a ton, but you are so cheerfully anxious to kill me, that your conscience is light as a feather and I am out of your reach. I can almost respect an ordinary fool, but you- pah!

CHORUS
To be heavyhearted.
To take his life.
The ill luck that denies me a heavy conscience!

(The Chorus changes from anger to a mood of contemplation)

This hour’s strange adventure...
There are some questions for this fiend to answer-

(A boy enters- played by a member of the Chorus. He leaves the door open.)

BOY
What has been going on here? The bookcase is all on riddle of-

NARRATOR (alarmed at the door being left open and the possibility of his son seeing the Dwarf)
Out of here!
Hurry!
Jump!
Fly!
Shut the door! Quick, or my Conscience will get away!

(The Boy runs away slamming the door behind him. The Narrator runs to lock it. He looks up at the Dwarf)

CHORUS
My owner is still my prisoner…

NARRATOR
Hang you, I might have lost you!
But look here –friend, the boy did not seem to notice you at all. How is that?

DWARF
For a very good reason. I am invisible to all but you.

CHORUS
Kill this miscreant now.
No one will know it.
If I got a chance…

(Though the Chorus is mainly speaking to itself, the Dwarf seems to feel the Narrator’s lightheartedness at these remarks and becomes as light as a feather, barely keeping his seat. The Narrator tries an approach to get closer to the Dwarf.)

NARRATOR
Come, my Conscience, let us be friendly- fly the flag of truce for a while. I am suffering to ask you some questions.

DWARF
Very well. Begin.

NARRATOR
Well, then. Why were you never visible to me before?

DWARF
You never asked to see me before- that is, in the right spirit and proper form.
You were just in the right spirit this time, and when you called for your most pitiless enemy I was that person by a very large majority.

NARRATOR
Did that remark of mine turn you into flesh and blood?

DWARF
No. It only made me visible to you. I am unsubstantial, just as other spirits are.

CHORUS
A sharp misgiving.
Unsubstantial?
Unsubstantial!
How am I going to kill him?

NARRATOR (after a pause – The Narrator is clearly separating himself from his inner thoughts- the Chorus in attempt to trick the Dwarf.)
Conscience, it isn’t sociable of you to keep at such a distance. Come down and take another smoke.

DWARF
Come where you can get at me and kill me?
The invitation is declined with thanks.

CHORUS
AH!
A spirit can be killed after all.
There will be one spirit lacking in the world presently-

NARRATOR
Friend-

DWARF (addressing both Narrator and Chorus)
There, wait. I am not your friend, I am your enemy.
I am not your equal, I am your master.
You are too familiar. Call me “my lord.”

NARRATOR
I am willing to call you sir. That is as far-

DWARF
We will have no argument about this. Just obey, that is all.
Go on with your chatter.

NARRATOR
Very well, my lord-

CHORUS
Since nothing by “my lord” suits you.

NARRATOR
How long will you be visible to me?

DWARF
Always!

CHORUS
Outrage!

NARRATOR
You have dogged and dogged and dogged me all the days of my life.

CHORUS
Always invisible!

NARRATOR
That was misery enough; to have such a looking thing as you tagging after me like a shadow all the rest of my days is an intolerable prospect.

CHORUS
Intolerable prospect!

DWARF
My lad, there was never so pleased a conscience in this world as I was when you made me visible. It gives me an inconceivable advantage.
I can look you straight in the eye:
Call you names;
Leer at you, jeer at you, sneer at you,

What eloquence there is in visible gesture and expression, more especially when the effect is heightened by audible speech.
I shall always address you henceforth in your o-w-n s-n-i-v-e-l-l-i-n-g d-r-a-w-l baby!

(The Narrator hurls a coal bucket in the direction of the Dwarf and the Chorus howls incoherently with rage.)

DWARF (laughing)
Come, come! Remember the flag of truce.

NARRATOR
I forgot that.

I will try to be civil and you try it too, for a novelty.
The idea of a civil conscience!

CHORUS
An excellent joke!

NARRATOR
All the consciences I have ever heard of were nagging, badgering, faultfinding, savages!
Always in a sweat about some poor little insignificant trifle or other.
I would trade mine for the small pox and seven kinds of consumption.
Why is it that a conscience can’t haul a man over the coals once, for an offense, and them let him alone?
Why is it that it wants to keep on pegging at him, day and night and night and day forever and ever, about the same old thing?

CHORUS
Day and night and night and day

NARRATOR
I think a conscience that will act like that is meaner than the very dirt itself.

DWARF
We like it; that suffices.

NARRATOR
Do you do it with the honest intent to improve a man?

DWARF (smiling, amused)
No sir. We do it simply because it is “business,” our trade.
The purpose of it is to improve the man, be we are merely disinterested agents.
Appointed by authority, nothing to say in the matter.
We obey orders and leave the consequences where they belong.
(pausing, smiling sarcastically)
We do crowd the orders a trifle when we get a chance. We enjoy it.
Instructed to remind a man a few times of an error,
I don’t mind acknowledging that we try to give pretty good measure.

And when we get hold of a man of a peculiarly sensitive nature, but we do haze him!
On special occasion, I have known consciences to come all the way from China and Russian to see a person put through his paces.

NARRATOR
You are a precious crew.
I begin to see now, why you have always been a trifle inconsistent with me.
In your anxiety to get all the juice you can out of a sin, you make a man repent of it three or four different ways.

You found fault with me for lying to that tramp, and I suffered over that.
It was only yesterday that I told a tramp the square truth, that it being regarded as bad citizenship to encourage vagrancy- I would give him nothing.
What did you do then?
You made me say to myself,
“It would have been so much kinder and more blameless to ease him off with a little white lie. If he could not have the bread, the gentle treatment was something to be grateful for.”

Three days before, I had fed a tramp, fed him freely supposing it a virtuous act.
You said “O false citizen, to have fed a tramp!”
I gave a tramp work- You objected to it
After the contract was made, never beforehand.

Next I refused a tramp work,
You objected to that
I proposed to kill a tramp
You kept me awake all night oozing remorse at every pore!

CHORUS
Is there any way of satisfying that malignant invention called a conscience?

DWARF
Ha ha! This is a luxury! Go on!

NARRATOR
Answer me. Is there any way of satisfying the conscience?

DWARF
None that I propose to tell you, my son.
I don’t care what act you may turn your hand to- I can whisper a word in your ear and you’ll think you have committed a dreadful meanness.
It is my business and my joy to make you repent of everything you do.

NARRATOR
Many and many’s the restless night I’ve wanted to take you by the neck.

CHORUS
If only I could get hold of you now!

DWARF
Yes, no doubt.
But go on, go on. You entertain me more than I like to confess.

NARRATOR
I am glad of that.

CHORUS
Lying a little to keep in practice.

NARRATOR
I think you are about the shabbiest, most contemptible, little shriveled up reptile that can be imagined.
I am grateful you are invisible, I should die with shame to be seen with such a mildewed monkey of a conscience as you are.

DWARF
Oh come! Who is to blame?

NARRATOR
I don’t know.

DWARF
You are, and nobody else.

CHORUS
Confound you!

NARRATOR
I wasn’t consulted about your personal appearance.

DWARF
You had a good deal to do with it, nevertheless.
When you were eight or nine years old, I was seven feet high, and as pretty as a picture.

CHORUS
How I wish you had died young!

NARRATOR
So you have grown the wrong way have you?

DWARF
Some of us grow one way and some the other.
You had a large conscience one; if you’ve a small conscience now, I reckon there are reasons for it.
However, both of us are to blame, you and I.

You used to be conscientious about a great many things; morbidly so, I may say.
I took a great interest in my work and I so enjoyed the anguish which certain pet sins of yours afflicted you with that I kept pelting at you until I rather overdid the matter.
You began to rebel.
I began to lose ground, then, and shrivel a little-
diminish in stature, get moldy and grow deformed.

The more I weakened, the more stubbornly you fastened on to those particular sins; till at last the places on my person that represent those vices became as callous as sharkskin.

Take smoking for instance.
I played that card a little too long, and I lost.
When people plead with you at this late day to quit that vice, that old callous place seems to enlarge and cover me all over like a shirt of mail.
It exerts a mysterious, smothering effect and presently I, your faithful hater, your devoted Conscience, go sound asleep!

(To himself)
Sound?
It is no name for it. I couldn’t hear it thunder at such a time.

(To the Narrator)
You have a few other vices-
perhaps eighty or ninety-
that affect me in much the same way.

NARRATOR
This is flattering; you must be asleep a good part of the time.

DWARF
Yes, of late years I should be asleep all the time, but for the help I get.

NARRATOR
Who helps you?

DWARF
Other consciences.
Whenever a person whose conscience I am acquainted tries to plead with you about the vices you are callous to, I get my friend to give his client a pang concerning some villainy of his own.
That shuts off his meddling.

My field of usefulness is about trimmed down to tramps, budding authoresses, and that line of goods.

But don’t you worry- I’ll harry you on them while they last!

NARRATOR
If you had only been good enough to mention these facts some thirty years ago, I should have turned my particular attention to sin.
By this time I should not only have had you pretty permanently asleep, but reduced to the the size of a homeopathic pill.
I could get my hands on you, and I would give you to a yellow dog!
That is where you ought to be!

CHORUS
Not fit to be in society.

NARRATOR
Do you know a good many consciences in this section?

DWARF
Plenty of them.

CHORUS
I would give anything to see some of them.

NARRATOR
Could you bring them here? Would they be visible to me?

DWARF
Certainly not.

NARRATOR
I ought to have known that without asking.
But no matter, you can describe them.

(He thinks a moment)

Tell me, do you know my Aunt Mary’s conscience?

DWARF
I have seen her at a distance, but am not acquainted with her.
She lives in the open air altogether, as no door is large enough to admit her.

NARRATOR
I can believe that.

Do you know the conscience of that publisher who once stole some sketches of mine for a series of his, and then left me to pay the law expenses I had to incur in order to choke him off?

DWARF
Yes.
He has a wide frame.
He was exhibited a month ago, with some other antiquities.
The publisher’s conscience was to have been the main feature but was a failure as an exhibition.
The management had provided a microscope with a magnifying power of only thirty thousand diameters.
Nobody got to see him.
There was great and general dissatisfaction of course, but-

(Footsteps are heard on the stairs and then a knock at the door.)

CHORUS
An eager footstep on the stair?

Aunt Mary!

(Aunt Mary enters, and she and the Narrator embrace.)

Joyous meeting!

(Aunt Mary and the Narrator appear to talk amongst themselves, exchanging pleasantries while the Dwarf looks on. He is completely unnoticed by Aunt Mary.)

Bombardments of questions!
Cheerful answers.
Family matters brought up to date-

AUNT MARY
You promised me, the day I saw you last, that you would look after the needs of the poor family around the corner as faithfully as I had done it myself.
Well!
I found out by accident that you failed of your promise!

CHORUS
Splintering pangs of guilt.
I never thought of that family!
Not a second time.

(As the Chorus sings, the Dwarf seems to suddenly grown drowsy. The Narrator and Chorus notice, and look on. He struggles to keep his eyes open and his place on the bookcase.)

AUNT MARY
Think how you have neglected my poor protégé at the almshouse.
You hard-hearted promise breaker!

CHORUS
My tongue tied.
My guilty negligence.

(The Dwarf begins to sway back and forth, blinking rapidly to stay awake.)

AUNT MARY
Since you never once went to see her,
maybe it will not distress you to know that the poor child died months ago.
Friendless and forsaken!

(The Dwarf falls to the floor and tries to get to his feet, but seems to be held down by some unseen weight. He yawns and strains his muscles to rise, writhes in pain, and appears quite afraid. The Narrator watches and begins to visibly clench and unclench his fists, and tenses his muscles as if he is about to pounce.)

CHORUS
Lock the door!

(The Narrator runs to the door to lock it. Aunt Mary is disturbed by his sudden agitation.)

To begin my murderous work-
My fingers itch!

AUNT MARY
What can be the matter?

CHORUS
Excitement, uncontrollable!

(Aunt Mary appears to follow the Narrator’s gaze with her own, but does not see the Dwarf lying there. The Narrator is breathing heavily, holding back his excitement for the right moment.)

AUNT MARY
Oh!
Do not look so! You appall me!
What can the matter be?
What is it you see?
Why do you stare so?
Why do you work your fingers like that?

NARRATOR
Peace woman!
Pay no attention to me.
It is nothing- it will pass in a moment.
It comes from smoking too much.

(The Dwarf looks at the Narrator with horror in recognition that the Narrator is purposefully trying to put him to sleep. He tries to reach the door, but still cannot stand.)

AUNT MARY
I knew it would come to this at last!
I implore you to crush out that fatal habit while it may yet be time!
You must not be deaf to my supplications any longer!

(The Dwarf seems to droop even further and cannot rise from the floor, he writhes in agony.)

Promise me you will throw off this hateful slavery of tobacco!

CHORUS (watching the Dwarf)
Enchanting spectacle!

(The Dwarf gropes at the air frantically with his hands, staring at the Chorus with terror.)

AUNT MARY
I beg you! I beseech you!
Your reason is deserting you
There is madness in your eye!
Hear me and be saved!

(She falls to her knees before the very agitated and panting Narrator.)

I plead with you on my very knees!

(The Narrator watches with malicious glee as the Dwarf tries one last time to get to his feet and reach the door. He looks at the Narrator, as if to plead for mercy, but falls asleep at last as Aunt Mary speaks her last lines.)

AUNT MARY
Oh promise, or you are lost!
Promise and be redeemed!
Promise and live!

(As the Dwarf takes a deep, calm breath and falls into slumber, the Narrator gives and exultant shout and springs past Aunt Mary and grabs the Dwarf by the neck.)

CHORUS
Mine at last-
Tear him to shreds
Tear him to fragments
Fragments to bits

Cast him into the fire.
My burnt offering.

At last and forever,
My Conscience is dead!

(The Narrator throws the small body into the fire, where it is consumed by the flames. He inhales the smoke deeply and grins to himself, ecstatic in triumph. He turns to Aunt Mary who watched the scene with horror and confusion.)

NARRATOR
Out of this with your paupers, charities and reforms.
Out of this, with your pestilent morals!
You behold before you a man whose life-conflict is done,
whose soul is at peace
my heart is dead to sorrow, dead to suffering, dead to remorse.
A man without a Conscience!

In my joy I spare you, though I could throttle you and never feel a pang.

Fly!

(Aunt Mary flees. The lights dim on just the Narrator and the Chorus, who now have become almost separate entities, the Chorus singing in the present and the Narrator singing of his accomplishments since we have left that gruesome scene.)

CHORUS
All my life is bliss.
Bliss, unalloyed bliss.
Nothing in all the world could persuade me to have a conscience again.
I begin the world anew!

NARRATOR
I killed thirty-eight persons during the first two week- all of them on account of ancient grudges.

CHORUS
Settling old outstanding scores.

NARRATOR
I burned a dwelling that interrupted my view.
Swindled a widow and some orphans out of their last cow.

CHORUS
It is a very good one.
Though not a thoroughbred.

NARRATOR
I have enjoyed my work exceedingly.

CHORUS
It would formerly have broken my heart.
Or turned my hair gray.

(The lights dim again to just the Narrator alone. He grins pleasantly at the audience and continues in a serious, business-like tone:)

NARRATOR
In conclusion, I wish to state by way of advertisement that medical colleges desiring assorted tramps for scientific purposes, either by the gross, by cord measurement or per ton, will do well to examine the lot in my cellar before purchasing elsewhere.

These were all selected and prepared by myself and can be had at a low rate because I wish to clear out my stock and get ready for the spring trade.

(The lights go out.)

FIN