On Toilets

On the Difference of Toilets
Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome
You are now entering the bog, men to the left, ladies to the right!

Now ladies, depending on your fortunes your senses shall either be assailed with warm pot pourri or fresh mountain spring
Eyes left merrily to float about
Perhaps stopping for a time to examine the ingredients of the hairspray or marvel at the uv warmed brushes and combs?
Or perhaps simply considering one's own reflection in the gold framed mirrors
The mellow tones smoothing out the wrinkles?
And suddenly the creak of a door opening
The tinkle of urine that has escaped its cover of velvet tissue paper.

Or perhaps one's nostrils shrink with the stench
Ones ears hum to drown the wretching stomachs
The plonking of faeces and the torrents of urine.
No cans of spray adorn these mirrors
Except perhaps a foaming beer can struck as one slips into unconsciousness beneath.
One's feet become uncomfortable
Quickly they jump aside to avoid the growing river
Reminding one of why it was they entered here again
Vacant it says but is not someone or ones within?
For what purpose? Do they sit half on one side, half on t'other

Gentlemen may also be assailed with the gentle spray of water
Splaying away the residue of the last man's urine
More time for reflection here
Standing up their manhoods in view
Must be more nervous of slipping in that position.
Until a drunken lady stumbles in accidentally on purpose
Falling into a vacant latrine apologizing profusely but mentioning the queue.
Is that two men in the other cubicle? What goes on behind closed doors?

Toilets are indeed a great source of mystery and one where females definitely win the battle of the sexes.