A DARK SECRET

A DARK SECRET

I stood in the graveyard with my friends and family. My swollen eyes were well hidden behind the dark glasses, looking back I can't tell why they were so swollen, was it out of crying or maybe staying up the whole night. I could still vividly remember the events of last night although it was one experience I would give anything not to remember. I felt Ajay's hand shake me. That was enough to take my mind off what happened last night and return my attention back to what was happening on the graveside.

I looked up from the grave which now stood directly ahead of me, everyone was staring. Why were they all staring at me? My God, I caught my breath, had they found out my dark secret? seeking for reassurance I took a quick glance at Ajay, my accomplice, he looked calm so I felt reassured that they had not found out anything, at least not yet.

It only took a few minutes for me to realize why they were all looking towards my direction. It was my turn to offer my condolence to the bereaved family and the priest was wondering if I had anything to say. I stepped ahead, said how sorry for the family I was and then started saying how special it was the short time that I had known little Gina. All this time I avoided looking at Ajay and little Gina's family too.

After I had my share of eulogizing which I believed to be my obligation, I immediately left the graveyard. Everyone looked in bewilderment as I pushed Ajay out of my car. But I did worry because they understood, yes, perhaps in their own way. They understood how much I had loved little Gina as my own daughter and how diverstated I was now that she was dead. Oh God! If only they knew what really happened.

"They will never forgive me if they find out am the one who killed their little girl", I said to myself over and over again. It was also the same thing Ajay had told me all along. And that Ajay, he is the cause of my misery. If it weren't for him, maybe my conscious would have been clear.

I stopped my car in the middle of no where. My hands were not only sweaty but shaky too. I felt as if I would collapse at any given time. I had been driving for almost an hour now towards the nearest police station. Yes, towards the police station, I had already made up my mind, I was going to give myself up. at least by giving myself up little Gina's soul would rest in peace and my conscious would be clear but what if.........................................

They find out they are going to hate me for the rest of their lives. " I am so scared of losing them, they are the only family I have, I am too sacred to be alone," I said to myself.

I started wishing that I wasn't at my home with little Gina that terrible night, maybe she would still be alive. I wished that I wasn't so close to Gina, that she would follow me everywhere I was.

I let my mind walk down that dark, painful lane of memory, which occurred only two weeks ago. Little Gina who is my little niece and her parents had come to visit me at home. As usual Gina who likes to follow me around was right behind when I was getting car keys to go get some grocery. I got in my car and reversed not having the full knowledge that the two year old Gina was standing right behind my car. The poor soul was run over!

I saw my fiancee, Ajay, who was just getting out of the house waving me to stop. Thank God no one else was at the scene as Gina's parents had decided earlier to go shopping leaving her at my house.

I was too shaky to even defy Ajay's wicked advice when I saw the lifeless body of little Gina lying infront of me. Yes it was Ajay's brilliant idea that we throw Gina's tiny body in the nearest river and then tell her parents that we gave her to Julia her nanny to bring her to them. Yes, the brilliant idea was for us to pin Gina's disappearance on Julia.

The plan worked out perfectly alright, but not for me. Everything that happened was perhaps too much for me to bear. Julia was found dead in her prison cell a few days later. It was all too much for the young woman to bear. She had loved Gina as her own flesh and blood. The idea of killing Gina let alone hurting her really shattered her. No one really knew how she managed to get her hands on the bottle of sleeping pills which she drained thereby ending her life.

The death of both Julia and Gina whose body was found floating in the river a few days after we disposed it really started haunting me, I spent sleepless nights and the ones that I managed to grasp a few minutes sleep I woke up suddenly sweaty and shaky. The only way to end all this was to give myself up once and for all but I was still cautious that it would cost me my family and friends.

But I had reached a decision and there was no turning back this time, I was heading to the police station to give myself up. I sat up and started my car only to look up and see another car blocking my way. I t was a familiar car, I started recollecting my mind where I has seen such a car only to dawn o my mind that it was my fiancee's car.

Ajay, oh he sure knows when to come. He comes always when I've already made up my mind to do something only for him to convince me to change it. He was knocking hard on my window for me to open it. I reluctantly did. " Bea, whatever is wrong with you, I've been trying to get you open the door for almost twenty minutes now," he asked me. I swore to him that I didn't hear him although I knew that he will never believe me. Afterall, how could he believe me if he didn't understand me ? He didn't try to understand, me. He didn't try to understand that it was important for me to give myself up so that Gina and Julia's spirit could rest in peace, so that my conscious would be clear, he didn't want to understand. He said it was because he loved me, didn't want to lose me, that made me angry if he love me he would have supported my decision.


Ajay told me that it was easy to find me because he guessed that I was on way to the police station to give myself up, But he told me there was no need for me to give myself up, that he had some good news for me. I waited eagerly for the good news to be spilt out, maybe the news that it was all a dream I was having and that I should wake up.

"Gina's mother is already two months pregnant and she is expecting a baby girl," he dropped the bombshell. I looked at him sheepily wondering what her pregnancy has to do with me not giving myself up".I found out myself just now, she says that the baby girl she is expecting will be named after Gina and she will be replacing her in everyone's heart," Ajay told me what I perceived as really good news.

"But what about Julia?" I frowned. The smile on Ajay's face too suddenly faded. Ajay took my hands in his, looked at me directly in the eyes" the rebirth of little Gina will also be like a second chance to Julia too, Bea. Julia really loved little Gina and there is nothing she would want more in this world that giving her a second chance to live. Seems like everyone has been given a second chance Gina, Julia and even you ,Bea. Don't be too hard on yourself forget about what happened and give yourself a second chance. There is nothing which will devastate everyone than you telling them now about what happened when they are all starting all over again. Forget the past and lets all begin our lives at a new page" Ajay concluded.

I hugged Ajay tightly and began crying. He had really convinced me, it won't change anything anyway by telling. I let Ajay guide me to his car, we left mine behind we will send someone to drive it home." Am going to start all over again, only this time I will te sure to stay clear of little Gina II. And about the accident, I will keep it a secret, Ajay too is willing to keep it so it will be our little dark secret"I concluded as I made myself a cup of coffee and settled down to read my favorite magazine this time with less guilt.