Undecided

I felt like a hero in my own movie, like the world had my back. I was marching to my own theme, fighting for a higher purpose. I had the drive, and the ability. But all that meant nothing. It means shit down there. You could have balls the size of Jupiter and still be crying on your knees for the savior once you cross the void.

You'd never know there was a god until you feel the true horror of his absence. I wasted my tears the moment I entered. The incomprehensibility of it was too much. No time, no life, no air...utter nothingness. I blacked out before I could grasp it all.

When I awoke, I was in a pillow of my own blood. My ears were pouring it, my eyes leaking it, my entire body coughing it up like it was a foreign substance. Flashes of pain seared through my head. My fingers were covered in dry sticky hair when I looked at them. My skull cracked and I let out a blood clogged scream. The real hurt came when my veins ran dry, my stomach tugging and drying humping every bone and organ in my body. The only moisture I could feel was the fluid from my exposed and torn brain, dripping down my nose.

I didn't want to die anymore, that part already passed. I couldn't think straight. I didn't wish for the pain to stop, I didn't know any better. Some angel of mercy, or maybe it was just my own will, allowed me to pass out again before insanity took over.

The battle must have been over. I lost. I woke up back in my bed; safe in my one bedroom apartment. My entire body bandaged and bundled. I went through it all for nothing. My loss hadn't changed the world at all. Would my victory have done any different?

To my strange relief, the girlfriend I left behind entered the room. She was the last person I saw before I dropped. We never thought we would meet again. She knelt in front of me, her eyes wet with tears, a cup of hot tea in her hand. She didn't say anything while she poured the scorching liquid down my throat. I yelled in protest as the boiling excess burned my skin.

When the cup was emptied I opened my eyes to see that my entire smiling family had entered the room. My mother simply laughed while tears of blood ran down her cheeks.

My two youngest brothers began to hack and stab away at my legs and abdomen as the elder of the three forced my jaw closed with surprising strength and cried out insanely," Be quiet Max or I'll eat your tongue!"