Forsooth

WC 490

Forsooth

By Jack Rawlins

“Friends, writers, cohorts, I come to pardon Caesar (a.k.a. Bill) not to praise him.”

“Whoa! Antony, this is supposed to be a conversation between you and a judge, not a soliloquy.”

“Ah, true. But the evil that men do lives after them, while the good is oft interred with their bones.”

“Antony, what the hell are you talking about? Is procrastination an evil? Well, I don’t happen to think so. I think it’s a virtue. Do you realize procrastinators have more time for reflection and delayed judgment? Does that not improve their deliberations?”

“Perhaps. But sometimes, Bill, a quick knee-jerk reaction is all the depth of jurisprudence we need to plumb. As my aunt Maud always says, ‘Is it not better to have shot and missed than never to have shot at all?’ “

“Why would she say that?”

“She’s a perennial optimist, always looking for the good in people and making excuses for their screw-ups or dereliction of duty.”

“Are you insinuating I’m guilty of dereliction?”

“Oh my, no. In fact, since I’m no toady butt-busser, I went to chat with my aunt Maud about The Dialogue 500 Contest to get a second opinion. Truthfully, I sought her counsel to support what I’d already decided.
.
“She carefully put down her martini, closed The Complete Works of William Shakespeare she was browsing, and offered these insights:

“Since the judge eventually (though somewhat belatedly) responded to everyone, none could complain of love’s labor’s lost. What’s more, she said, it appears there has been much ado about nothing. Those who see it otherwise, she continued, may be experiencing a midlife crisis in an early midsummer night’s dream.

“I asked what she thought of the contest’s future. ‘The way I see it,’ she explained, ‘in every city and hamlet... To be or not to be---that is the question. But there should be no question, because alls well that ends well and this event did indeed end well. The contest must go on. The judge must keep his robe.’

“She also pointed out that the judge is usually the one petitioned to give some felon a break. However, in this case she advised everyone should ‘Ask not what the judge can do for you; ask what you can do for the judge.’ Her suggestion: ’Give him a break.’

“In classical fashion Aunt Maud summarized the whole discussion: ‘When establishing our priorities we must always remember, defecation happens.’ (Aunt Maud would not use the ‘S’ word if she had a mouthful.) ‘What’s more,' she said, ’The tempest that follows a little defecation is often spread by the comedy of errors that stalks us all. Yet, when these errors are corrected--- viola! ---Things are once again just as you like it.'


“So, Bill, the only thing I can add to her comments is--- forsooth.”

“Say what?”

“You know, forsooth… like indeed--- or right on, Aunt Maud.”

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