Realism in Relationships

Audra’s thoughts - God help the world

  Relationships?  Hmmm . . ., or rather the misconception of relationships.  I read and hear people everywhere saying they desire a 50/50 relationship.  I’m sorry to put it bluntly, but that's crap; that doesn’t make a great relationship.  Sure, you are probably thinking, "Who does she think she is?  She’s probably not even in a relationship."  But you're wrong, we're all in relationships.

  I’m in a mom/son, daughter/parent, sister/brother, employer/employee, even ex-wife/ex-husband relationship.  And, yes, even a committed relationship.  This article comes not out of my frustration with my own life, but more a world of people with views of self-entitlement.  While I admit all of my relationships aren’t successful ones especially the boss/employee one, I have learned from them. 

    A successful and joyous relationship is not 50/50.  You have to really know the other person and truly care enough to realize that some days are 80/20, others 60/40, some 50/50, some 10/90.  The thing is you can’t be scared to be taken advantage of once in awhile, and yet you have to have enough self-pride (pride isn’t the word I’m looking for - maybe worth) to not allow yourself to be taken advantage of continuously.  Maybe that only makes sense to me.  The thing is if we are only willing to give 50/50 we aren’t taking into account the needs of our loved ones or considering  what is currently happening in their life.  Plus, if you are only expecting fifty percent sometimes you are carrying too much of a heavy load yourself - not letting them help you - not letting them know your need.

   
    You can’t keep score, and you can’t be afraid to let yourself be vulnerable.  As I write this I realize where I fall short.  I don’t keep score, but I seem to lack the strength to let the world know I'm don't always feel strong.  I’d much rather take care of it myself.  Hmmmmm - why?  Is it because I don’t want to seem weak or I don’t want someone to fail me?  Heck, I don’t know.  And truth be told, I don't want to know.  That would mean digging deeper into myself than I want to.  Maybe it’s because I’ve just taken care of me for so long.  Maybe its just habit.  Maybe that’s a cop out.

    I've strayed from the topic. I didn’t write this to analyze me.  I wrote it because the 50/50 thing is a set up for failure.  I could quote scripture, successful couples, history, and psychologists to support my ideology on relationships, but I'm sure others could find just as much evidence to support an opposing view.  The examples I could give you from my own life would turn this article into a book, but again, that's just my life. 

    The bottom line I wish to express is we should expect more from ourselves and our loved ones.  We should be able to adjust to what is needed without always being told, but at the same time we shouldn’t be afraid to tell.  It doesn’t mean the person doesn’t love us if they can’t see that we need something; it might just be we are too guarded to let them see into us.  Look less for blame and more for love.