Emotional Battle

EMOTIONAL BATTLE

I'm an emotional soul
This is beyond my control
These tears flow like a river
And I am starting to shiver
As my thoughts drift to you
Cannot believe we are through
Felt something special between us
But you just let it slip thus
Thinking that I'd take it light
But no my heart it is tight
This pain within me so strong
I find it hard to move on
Cause every time that I try
It only leads me to cry
And I am bleeding inside
And I am lost in the tide
Of this emotional battle
That's never going to settle
I'm only living with hope
That you will knock on my door
But that will never be true
Cause you decided we're through
Why did you do that to me?
Were you too blind to see?
That we have clicked here and fast
Why didn't you want this to last?
I told you I fell for you
And I thought you felt so too
But guess this isn't to be
Cause now you're ignoring me
I cannot stand being rejected
And deep inside I'm affected
So there's no reason to try
To make some sense of my life
In terms of guys and their love
Because for me it is tough
To figure out their desires
And just how to satisfy 'em
So maybe I should give up
I'll never find true love
At least it doesn't seem real
My heart don't know what to feel
It sings a sad song inside
And senses all is not right
And while it craves for romance
It doesn't see any chance
Of that becoming a fact
There is no one I attract
Inside and out I'm a beauty
I find it weird that I'm free
Because I yearn to be taken
And for true love to awaken
I wanna be swept away
Into a land free of pain
Where there’s much more to gain
Where my life is not plain
And where that special someone
Will not reject me and run
Where I'll be swimming in bliss
And get to savor his kiss
And feel the tingling romance
That makes my beating heart dance

Written January 24, 2007

Story Behind The Piece:

I fell in love with this guy who lived in another state. I really wanted him to be in my life. I wanted us to be a couple. That sadly didn't work out because he told me he didn't want to have a long distance relationship. When he flew in to see me for three days, he said that they were just three days, while to me they were very special and quite unforgettable. When I found out that we would never be, I was torn, fighting an emotional battle that I could not seem to win. And I was trying to figure out what I am doing wrong that guy come into my life but then vanish soon after. I just didn't get. It seemed I was doing nothing wrong, yet something had to be off for them to flee. And while I craved for that special guy, I felt like giving up. I felt like there was no pointing in going out with guys because nothing would come of it in the end. No point of getting myself hurt again and again.