Who Am I

I want to retreat inside, deep
I want to crumble into a pile, a heap
I want to quit, give up, halt
I want to say, "It's just not my fault."

I keep on going, I have to
I keep on trying, it's what I must do
I keep guiding, it's my task
I keep helping, "How can I?" I ask.

When alone, I try not to cry
When alone, I ask, "Why, oh why?"
When alone, I fall asunder
When alone, I struggle not to go under.

Others ask, "Why don't you say 'No'?"
Others ask, "Why don't you let it go?"
Others ask, "Do you think they care?"
Others ask, "Do you think it's fair?"

My mother says, "I'm worried about you."
My father says, "Do what you got to do."
My brothers say, "A tough spot, for sure."
My doctor says, "I'm sorry, I have no cure."

I resolve to try a little bit more
I resolve this, but I wonder what for?
I resolve to do my very best
I resolve to not fail this miserable test.

I feel dishonored, dirty, used
I feel I don't matter, I feel abused
I feel I don't have much choice
I feel no-one's listening to the pain in my voice.

I don't know if I can continue to try
I don't know how much more I can cry
I don't know if I have the strength within
I don't know if I can ever really win.

Who am I, but someone who cares
Who am I, but one whose life is laid bare
Who am I, but a model for others
Who am I, but someone's step mother.