Lesson 8 - Assignment - Basic Dialog

Assignment

**In my search on writing.com, I found a short item which effectively exhibits the
use of dialogue. Read it as part of the assignment for this lesson and comment on the story. What did you learn about the characters? Were the tags explicit and easy to follow? Did the dialogue reflect the speech of real people? Could you sense the emotion? Did it seem natural? How did it move the story along?

"Girl in the Mirror" (Rated: 13+)Title: Girl in the Mirror. Description: Two teenage girls contemplate the world in which they live - Dialogue 500 entry, by, iKïyã§ama (378) 2005

Honestly, I had to read it twice to figure out who was saying each line. I thought it should have had many more tags so that I didn’t get confused. The dialog did a great job of describing the characters. It did a good job of portraying the differences between Afro-Americans from now and from the sixties. I thought the characters showed major disparities caused by the difference of the era they came from. The dialog did an excellent job of reproducing the way real people talk without being superfluous.

The author did a good job of giving the two characters their own distinct personalities. The emotion seemed authentic and was supported by implied arguments characteristic of their respective eras. The modern girl used more slang and the sixties girl spoke better English. The author made a good case for what I think the theme of this piece is. It is that today’s Afro-Americans don’t appreciate the sacrifices their ancestors made in the civil rights movement but instead take advantage of the opportunities their ancestors created by doing things their ancestors would disapprove of. And the author makes a good case for there being a lot of truth in it.

For the Second Part of Lesson Eight: rewrite a small scene in your story using
all dialogue. I think this is a great exercise because it challenges us to construct the scene differently. What may have been just narration and exposition now becomes dialogue and will invariably change the emotion, the pace, the conflict and the actions of the characters as they engage in conversation.

Remember, try not to use extravagant and excessive details which will just create superfluous speech, inevitably making your dialogue stilted, dry and boring. Give your speech life and energy and most importantly, make it as natural as possible. Listen to everyday conversations around you to learn the ease with which people speak. (NOTE: This is just an exercise. Normally, you wouldn't write more than three paragraphs of dialogue without a break describing the scene, activity, etc.)

You can post a link in the forum. Keep in mind, your story can't be rated over 13+, and your post should tell the rating. I look forward to reading your homework and I hope this lesson has given you insight on how to write "The Natural Flow of Conversation".

Lessons 9 and 10 will be in editing your story and submitting it for comments. Do your edits and rewrites, remembering the previous lessons on theme, conflict, characters, POV, Show, Don't Tell, and writing with Pizzazz.

I have faith in your creative abilities! I've seen your stories flourish and grow as you enriched and enhanced your writing. You should be proud of your efforts. I am!

Original:


Ben-ghari, a lieutenant belonging to special forces, led Crump into the sitting room. Etchings of dark art of battles between evil spirits and those of the white powers blanketed the walls. A painting of the weighted hand where a white palm is lifted high in the air and a black palm holding a human soul tugs the hand down held a flask of Juice on a scale. A large black tapestry with red and purple strokes depicted the abyss to which a fallen soul could fall.

Ben-ghari pulled out a chair for the reformed gambler in a rare act of setting aside place on the behalf of the demon. A table was situated permanently in the center of the floor of the secret cave Ben-ghari led Crump to. Potters had cast it in place.

Three other demons sat around the table. Crump tried to tell a difference from them on the basis of their physical makeup but could not.

The only way Fiston could identify the demons from each other was by the way they were dressed. Ben-Ghari had the symbol of a hand plucking something out of a flask. Fiston knew the something was a soul, and decided Ben-Ghari was a Soul-Collector along with his espionage duties. The other demons wore green, blue and orange lightning bolts on the breast of identical robes to Ben-Ghari’s. Fiston decided they denoted different ranks, but didn’t know one from another and didn’t care.

“How are you feeling?” asked Ben-ghari. The senior spy didn’t introduce him to the remaining secret agents.

“I’ve been better,” said Fiston.

“I’ve been told you have almost recuperated enough to receive the second half of your sentence.”

“Not enough as far as I am concerned.”

“I’m here to offer you an alternative,” said Ben-Ghari.

Fiston remained quiet.

“Intelligence tells us you’re quite the gambler. Nearly flawless intuition combined with snap-finger decision making. You could be of use to us."

“What would I be capable of doing that you can’t do for yourself?”

Ben-Ghari pointed his baton at the officer with the orange slash on his chest and seated himself. The police man rose. “I work for Intelligence. What I’m about to tell you goes no farther. If we find that you’ve shared this with anyone outside these rooms not only will we drain you to death, we will torture you first. Do you understand?”

Crump nodded his head. He thought to himself, they must be really serious.

Messengers of Abbas’s have returned to Fleghorn from off-planet,” said the police man. “Babies with uncontaminated Juice are being born. The oldest have showed up at five years old. Having never faced temptation to delve into the arts of the dirty, it’s rare that they will sample dirty Juice so that we can bring them over to our side.”

“How do I fit in?” He worried over what he’d hear next.

“The Messengers are able to shroud their hiding places from us demons. We need humans to infiltrate them as our spies.”

“I don’t have any choice, do I?”

“No,” said Ben-ghari.

“I’ve always lived by the policy of looking out for myself first ,” said Fiston. “There’s no reason to change now.”



Altered
Ben-ghari, a lieutenant belonging to Top-Level Demonhood, said “Come into the sitting room, Crump.”

“The battle pictures of battles on the walls are appropriate,” said Fiston. “The black hand would be out tugging match a white for a human soul.“

Ben-ghari said, “Sit, at the table, gambler. Crump, you don’t need to know these three demons in the chairs. Just know they are here for a reason.”

“I can’t tell them apart,” said Crump, “anyway, other than the way they’re dressed. You’re symbol of a hand picking something out of a glass means you must be a Soul Collector. I don’t care about the three stooges around you. They are wearing different color lightning bolts on their chest I couldn’t care why.”

“How are you feeling?” asked Ben-ghari.

“I’ve been better,” said Fiston.

“You know you’re almost recuperated enough to receive the second half of your sentence.”

“I’ll never be that recuperated as far as I am concerned,” said Crump.

“I’m here to offer you an alternative,” said Ben-Ghari. “Intelligence tells us you’re a top-level gambler. You’re gifted with a rare combination of nearly flawless intuition and snap-finger decision making.”

“Just what did you have in mind? And why should I want to help you? Demons are not my favorite creatures just now.”

“We’ll waive the second half of your sentence.”

“I’m getting more and more curious.”

"Borne, brief him,” said Ben-Ghari.

The police man rose and said, “What I’m about to tell you goes no farther. If we find that you’ve shared this with anyone outside these rooms not only will we drain all your juice, we’ll torture you first. Do you understand?”

“You have my complete attention.”

“Messengers of the white wizard Abbas’s have infiltrated Fleghorn,” said the police man. “Babies with uncontaminated Juice are being born. They have never faced the temptation to delve into the dirty arts, so that makes it almost impossible to seduce them into sample our juice. We have no way to turn them.”

“Where do I fit in?”

“The Messengers are able to shield their hiding places from demons. We need humans to infiltrate them as our spies and report their locations back to us.”

“I don’t have any choice, do I?”

“No,” said Ben-ghari.

“I’m in,” said Fiston. “I've always looked out for myself first and I’m not changing now.”