The Worst Day Of My Life

Yesterday was the worst day of my life;
I’ve never felt such searing pain before;
I’ve never known such agony and strife
As I felt playing Grand Theft Auto Four.

I queued all night before the game’s release;
Slept on the street, defiant of the dangers
Among obsessed, unhealthy and obese
But undeniably familiar strangers.

We knew each other’s poison and delight
And shared the same compulsion and affliction
That brought us all together on that night
To satisfy our powerful addiction.

The purchase made, I darted for the door
The game inside my coat, pressed to my chest.
I ran until sweat crept from every pore:
There was no time to waste, no need to rest.

Back home at last, I shut myself away,
Locked out my parents and annoying sister,
Switched on the Xbox and began to play
Until my thumbs were sore enough to blister.

The missions were completed, each in turn;
My enemies defeated with aplomb;
Their bloody deaths were none of my concern:
I executed each and every one.

I couldn’t eat and wouldn’t dream of sleep.
GTA 4 topped 1 and 2 and 3.
As long as they keep making them I’ll keep
Annihilating everyone I see.

I played for two-days-straight - I couldn’t stop;
I had to reach the ending of the story.
I wouldn’t quit ‘til I had reached the top
And got so close that I could taste the glory.

When suddenly the TV screen went blank;
A red light on the Xbox blinked and flashed.
My eyes welled up with tears and my heart sank:
The game was over, and my hopes were dashed.

So ends my tale of sadness and of sorrow.
My Xbox died and so did part of me.
I’m going to see Microsoft tomorrow,
To undertake a real-life killing spree.


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