Resignation Letter From My Muse

Dear Miss Lindsay,

This is to inform you that I am giving my two weeks notice and as of 7/1/2008 will no longer be working as your “inspirational guide.”  I found the job too stressful and for the sake of my sanity, I am searching for another writer to inspire.  I wish you the best and hope you will get along without me.

I have a few suggestions for you if you wish to keep another muse in the future:

1.          Do not expect every idea your muse gives you to be great and produce extraordinary writing.  After all, we can only give you the idea, it is up to you to turn it into a great piece of literature.  Besides, you are only human and we are only, well, half-human.  Not all of our ideas are award-winning, just as not all of your writing is.

2.          Do not expect your muse to be at your beck and call 24/7.  After all, we need sleep too. Waking up in the middle of the night with an idea of your own and an urge to write, expecting us to supply more inspiration, is not acceptable.  We are fickle creatures with a strong sense of independence, and will come to you on our terms.

3.          Do not get frustrated if we are absent.  You take personal and sick days from your work, don’t you?  We are entitled to the same.  Just because we are mythological creatures doesn’t mean we don’t have a life of our own.

4.          Give us some credit!  I am tired of the phrase “Just something I came up with off the top of my head…” adorning authors’ writings.  You know darn well that your muse had a little something to do with it. 

5.          On the other side of the coin, when we are absent you attribute it to your writer’s block.  There is no such thing.  “Writer’s block” is another way of saying “my muse isn’t here and I am helpless without her.”  Admit it, you authors need us and would be nothing without us.

6.          Finally, show some appreciation.  We have no use for flowers, candy, or jewelry, but a “thanks” every once in a while would be nice.  If you really wish to flatter your muse, take pride in your writing and don’t litter it with typos, grammatical errors, or incorrect punctuation.  We really do enjoy inspiring a writer who actually has the ability and motivation to become a master of words.

I hold no resentment and hope you will consider my advice. Best of luck in your future writing endeavors.

Sincerely,
Your Former Muse