The Magic Garden of Eating

WC 549

The Magic Garden of Eating

By Jack Rawlins

“How do you plead, Mr. Zacarini?” asked the giant pumpkin who presided.

“Confused, your honor,” I answered. “Totally confused.”

“You can’t plead ‘confused.’ You must plead guilty or not guilty.”

A loud murmur grew among the fruit and vegetable spectators. “Quiet in the pergola,” the judge barked as he flapped his vines, “or I’ll have you all picked immediately.”

“Your honor,” I continued,” I don’t understand the charge.”

The giant pumpkin sighed and said, “Will the Court Cucumber please refresh Mr. Zacarini’s memory.”

“Mr. Ziggy Zacarini,” said the cucumber, “you are charged with using a commercial product--- known as Miraculous Growth Gooser--- on your organic garden in violation of the Organic Grower Association’s code of conduct that restricts your right to label products as organic when they really ain’t.”

“Not guilty, your honor. I kept a bottle of Gooser on display so customers would think I got my marvelous fruits and vegetables by cheating. ‘The Magic Garden of Eating’ fruit and vegetable stand has become famous. I was concerned about my image and the impact on sales if customers suspected my garden was really magic. Cheating they can understand, but magic is scary.

“So, you see, your honor, I was faced with a moral dilemma…well maybe not a moral dilemma; Should I take down my organic label that lets me charge outrageous prices, or reveal the true secret of my incredible green thumb?

“You all know what would happen if I told the truth. I would be labeled a wacko. That’s why I’ve decided to drop the organic label, and just charge fair prices for products that are just as safe, nutritious and tasty as organics. “

“Well, Mr. Zacarini,” said the judge, “we’re all pleased that you stood up for what’s right and stopped trying to fool the public.”

Suddenly there was a ground swell of questions in the pergola. “Quiet!” yelled the judge. “Mr. Zacarini, perhaps you should share the real secret of the magic garden for those here who might think all gardens are the same.”

“Of course, your honor: When my aunt Bess was a young woman traveling in Tibet she met a mystic who fell in love with her. To show his devotion, he gave her The Rutabaga Stone which gives one the power to speak fluent fruit and vegetable.

“Aunt Bess dropped the mystic like a rotten potato, but she hung on to the Stone. She died a spinster at 109 here on this farm. On her deathbed, she blessed me with the Stone and made me swear never to share the secret with anyone except fruits and vegetables.

“So you see, the secret of ‘The Magic Garden of Eating’ is all about good communications. I know what you guys need because you tell me. When you say you prefer a well-balanced diet of nutrients (which some insist on calling chemicals) rather than all that repulsive animal crap that not only smells badly--- but is also full of creepy, crawly creatures that you would rather not have in the garden ---I give you a shot of Miraculous Growth Gooser.”

“Mr. Zacarini,” said the judge, “Would you please put us all back out in the sun? Case dismissed. Court is adjourned.”

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