Lifetime Of Pain

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Lifetime of Pain

You shattered my innocence in one vicious thrust,
making it hard for me to ever learn to trust.

You were supposed to be a close friend;
I just want the fear and the shame to end.

You devastated the child in me,
          enslaving the girl—never to be free.

You grunted, cursed and writhed atop of me,
            a black blur; when I opened my eyes to see.

The humiliation and guilt, even now, still grows;
            your words, your tone, the tearing of my clothes.

These horrific images torture me nightly.
I scratch and claw; my Steve holds tightly.

My screams no one ever hears.
I have held this in for over ten years.

I have not found a way past my trigger,
    to me—every black man is a nigger.

When I pass one in the store or on the bus;
        my heart pounds and my thoughts rush.

You betrayed me, you son of a bitch!
Tell me, what is the hitch?

I cannot seem to get past the pain;
dark clouds roll in as it begins to rain.

Believe it or not; I do not hate you.
I just want to find the way to get through.

S.R. Hawkins
2003


Lines: 35