Oh, My Friends ~~ (EPISODE 1)

EPISODE 1

Oh, My Friends, I Love Them So, But . . .

By WDC's Nation City Girl

          I have these strange friends that I cannot fathom. Sometimes I wonder if I should just ignore what they do and let them be, but their individual attitude and dishonesty sometimes get to me and I lose sleep over it. I want to do something to make them behave better, but it’s probably futile. They’re not bad people, although some might think they are committing misdemeanor crimes, but you don't dare tell my friends that. They believe everything they do is justified.

          Let me introduce my friends to you.

         CLAIRE is a beautiful and vibrant thirty-one-year old from Mission Bay, California. Everybody loves her, especially children whom she spoils with lavish gifts. She is the world traveler and explorer. No home to call her own, she scatters pieces of herself wherever she goes. The world is her home, and she leaves her belongings wherever she goes . . . to her friends, relatives, and boyfriends.

          Two years ago, she divorced her architect husband of four years, and even though she is technically homeless, she has been living comfortably from the divorce settlement, and there's always a place for her to stay. Except for jewelry and clothes, most of her valuable belongings are in storage, but lately, she has started taking some of her things to her new boyfriend's house in Del Mar where she is gradually nesting. During the past three months, she has been staying with this boyfriend whenever she's in town. One of the closets is now full of her new clothes, which she has purchased during the last few months. She finds it so wonderful that she does not have to worry about household bills anymore – those pesky utilities, phone, taxes, water and repair bills.

          In Claire’s mind, she is not taking advantage of her boyfriend; instead, she thinks he should compensate her for living with him. Why? Let me tell you why. Before she moved in, the house was not decorated. In her first week, she bought new window dressings for the entire house. In no time, the house started looking as though it was decorated by Homes and Gardens. Then she bought expensive designer beddings and comforters, and sheets with accessories to match. To complete the décor, she bought and scattered plants all over. When she was done, it was hard to imagine how the house had survived all these years without Claire.

         One day, I was riding in her car when she inadvertently turned the station to Talk Radio with Dr. Laura Schlesinger. Something caught her attention and she listened to the discussion. The caller had just finished saying that she'd been living with her boyfriend for several years, and still, he had not proposed marriage to her. "You know what I think about women like you," Dr. Laura had said. "Unpaid whore."

         "Unpaid whore?!!" Claire exclaimed angrily as she slammed the palm of her hand on the radio's power button. "Who is she to call women like me unpaid whores? I am probably getting more in my relationship with Daniel than he is getting from me. I live in a beautiful home, have fantastic sex, and I can leave anytime I want."

         I can't argue with you there, I said to myself. Isn't that amazing? One minute she says she is giving more in her relationship with her boyfriend, and then later admits she's getting more.

         DIANA is twenty-nine, married with two children, and living in La Jolla. She is highly-educated, but she has never worked in her whole life. Her husband of nine years is a successful engineer who provides well for his family. She is a simple woman with very few interests. Gardening and movies suit her well, and she doesn't care to do much of anything else. However, she's got this obsession about returning things she buys and uses when she's unsatisfied for any reason. I have watched her many times how methodically she organizes her returns. I will describe this to you in detail, but first, let me tell you that she doesn't have to do any of these because she is what many people might consider rich. I just think she gets bored sometimes and needs something sort of challenging or daring to do.

         I watch her unpack the new digital speaker/answering machine and compares it with the used one to be sure that all the manufacturer and model information are identical. She has made sure of this before at the store -- making sure that the data she has written down on her notebook fit the description on the box, the UPC Code numbers below the bars, the model number and some other numbers she cannot decipher.

         Satisfied that it is exactly the same phone, Diana installs the new phone. There is a dial tone. The new phone works. "I wonder how long this one is going to last," she says. "I am so annoyed that inferior products are being sold on the market." Granted that she only paid $39.95 for the device; still, to many people that is still a lot of money. She is convinced that what she does is good for consumerism. More products that are returned might force manufacturers to start improving their designs and manufacture of products so that people like her won't have to waste time scheming a return like she does.

         Diana grabs the Windex from the cabinet and cleans and shines the used phone thoroughly. In case the return clerk examines the phone, she will see that it looks new -- like it has been purchased only yesterday, as shown on the ticket. She packs the phone and the accessories in the plastic wrappings that came with the new one. The cords are still in the same plastic bags, as well as the instructions. She doesn't need the new cables and line cords -- she used the old one. She replaces everything in the new box and tapes the receipt on it. She puts the box in the same store bag and puts it in a large shopping bag that contains other boxes with receipts in them. This is one of her bags containing merchandise to return. She goes to her fire-safe file box and takes a small record book, adding the phone to the list of items that she needs to return.

         "I bought this phone only three months ago," Diana explains. "I've hardly used it – only when I call businesses that normally require time to get through with all the options to select before I get the right person. I find that the speaker phone is a convenient way to get my balances from bank accounts or the balances and payment information from my credit cards. After only a month, the phone started buzzing whether or not the speaker button was depressed. It had also stopped working."

         She checks her records to see where it was purchased. It was from Target, but she has exceeded the period for allowable returns. The receipt is of no use to her. "I do what I usually do in this situation," she explains. "I buy a new one, and tomorrow or sometime soon, I will return it, but I will not ask for a refund or cash; instead, I will ask for a store credit to be used for other merchandise purchases within the store. This way, I feel good showing that I am not taking without giving anything back to the store. It’s just the right thing to do, am I right?"

         "Don't you think that's still a little dishonest?" I ask.

         "Not at all! If these manufacturers made products that work, no one would be returning anything. Don't you agree?"

         I know better not to argue with her. I've tried that before. I lost the argument. She is pretty adamant at what she does. She thinks she's Ralph Nader's disciple and that she's doing a huge service for consumers.

         MEREDITH . . .that's Dr. Meredith Mitchell, is my best friend of all. She is thirty-two years old, beautiful, smart, fun, and a very good listener-- Why are you smiling? What could possibly be wrong with her? Well, let me tell you. She is cunning, opinionated and manipulative. She puts words in my head and my mouth, making me think and say things to suit her beliefs. I think that's wrong, don't you think?

         You want an example? Well, for example, she thinks that I am a very lonely person, and that I've made up all these friends that I am talking about. Imagine that! Such nerve! I am a very popular person. Everybody loves me. I am the author of a TV drama series.

         What do you mean I've never sold a single story? The series has been going on for two years now. I think it's going to be nominated for an Emmy this year.

         You are just like Meredith. You think everything I say is a fabrication of my fertile imagination. You think that my friends and I are one person. You think I am delusional, that I am suffering from a Multiple Personality Disorder. Preposterous! My friends are very real, and I don't do those awful things they do. Not in a million years. For one thing, there is no such thing as MPD. I think some people just manipulate others into feeling sorry for them to get what they want.

         What? Is that what I am doing? That's ridiculous!

         Do I think that you are trying to mold me into acting like I have MPD when I really have some other mental disorders or schizophrenia? Let me think about that for a minute. Hmm . . . I don't know. Do you? Are you trying to mold me into acting like I have MPD when I really have some other mental disorders or schizophrenia . . .Dr. Mitchell?

         Why do you keep calling me Angela? My name is Claire!

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Please continue to the next episode. Generous Auto-Reward GPs offered.

ID: 1455495   (Rated: 13+) Oh, My Friends, ~~ (Episode 2)  A woman preaches and pontificates about her issues with a liberal friend. by BE-BEV