The Nights Without Sido

Sido in Hijazi Arabic means "Grandpa"


The nights are hard when I am alone. It is hard to slip into bed like I always did, only wondering what I would dream about. It is hard because I know the happy obliviousness and companionship of the day will slowly dissolve and I will feel the hurt of your absence from the churning wheel that is my life.
  It is when I am alone, that I miss you so unbearably and it is when I am alone that tears rush and rush that they surprise me. The ache inside attacks fighting through the restraint that I swear I never forced…and my chest heaves, spilling out such a fountain of sadness that I never realized I had throughout the day.
  I don’t cry properly around other people because I don’t know how to. I can only share my weeping with the silence of solace.
  I am ashamed of mentally questioning, once long ago, whether I would miss you so much if you left us…
I do. I am paying the price for such a question even though I never voiced it.