Brave yet Shattered

Another lonesome night, alone in a bed that had been shared many years by a couple entwined in love. Molly Lang's precious memories don't keep her warm. Tears feel more like ice as they trickle over worry lines into her mouth.

Molly remembered how Charlie had been a strong man. He could handle the situation if it was reversed. God above knew she was trying to be the mother her boys could depend on.

At four, crows start to call out. She gives up trying to sleep. She pulls sheets tight, her Wedding Ring quilt cover has the same number of inches falling down on each side. Pillows are the finishing touch, in different shades of reds. Putting away her velvet robe her hand touches and lingers on Charlie's soft plaid robe. The faint smell of his spicy aftershave remains. She shuts the door gently.

Ready for the day, Molly puts on a smile, pulls on work jeans and one of Charlie's soft denim shirts.
Dover, their Calico, follows her to the yellow country kitchen. She starts the coffee, puts on a coat then steps outside.

She drinks in the fresh air each morning, thankful for the peace it gives. No matter the weather, this is her Land of Oz. The rooster crows as their farm is waking up. The rising sun is a beauty; surrounded by rich golden, rust and copper colors of the Harvest. A crisp wind gives a Red Delicious blush to her cheeks.

Charlie always seems to find Molly in the wind with messages of hope.
"I'm here, darling, take my hand. It will get easier."

She goes into the chicken shack, struggles to open a new bag of feed and spreads it, calls to the twenty-five hens they have. While they eat, she puts warm eggs from nests in coat pockets. The lean-to will need repairs soon, always something for the small check she gets. The farm is getting harder to manage without Charlie's strong shoulders.

It is over one hundred years old, has been added on to many times for children and to modernize. Some furniture was lovingly made from trees here by her family. Of course, most of their furniture is from Harrison's in town but she treasures those few pieces cut from hand saws and chiseled. There is a cradle, a child's chair, a toy box, cedar chest, one bed, a bread box and the butter churn on the porch.

She remembers the prayer her Grandpa used to say.
"God has lovingly provided for us. We were born here to care for and live off crops from this blessed land. When we die, our souls are planted in the earth like the giant oak trees. Our family will always be a part of this soil. Thank you, Lord."
'Those very oaks were watered by her ancestors' blood in wars to keep this land’. Her heart was full at the thought of those men dying here.

Walking into the kitchen, Molly catches a fleeting shadow of her recently dead mother turning from kneading bread. She was losing it at the end and now haunted Molly as Keeper of Morals.
"Before the sun goes down, you’ll pay for your sins."

Molly has no time for ghosts. Breakfast needs to be cooked and her two sons must be hurried off to the fields. Danny is fourteen and considers himself "head of the house" now. He is a blessing. What would she do without him?

He has already set the table and started oatmeal. Molly hugs him.
"You are so big. Almost as big as your Daddy was."

He shrugs away.
"Ma, quit that. I got a long way to catch up with Pa."

Then, in his grown up voice, Danny means business.
"Hey, Johnny, get your butt down here or I am going to bust it!"
Johnny is only seven but must work.

As he drags down the steps, Johnny is rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Suddenly he becomes a ball of energy. The two tease each other over breakfast and then head out for the fields. As Molly watches her boys, she wishes a portion of their playful energy would transfer to her.

Charlie has been gone a year now. Molly sips coffee from the "Best Dad" cup the boys bought their beloved Dad. The radio is playing "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. Molly uses the broom for a partner. She is floating across the kitchen with Charlie to their favorite song. Her eyes spill over with tears.

Suddenly, over the music Molly hears a bloodcurdling scream from the cane field. It is Danny's voice. She remembers her mother's words this morning. A chill grips her heart.
' Must she pay for her sin?'

The sight is horrifying. Danny's color is chalk white, without blood or a way to stop the flow of life, Molly knows she is too late to save her son. She flips the machine switch off. The majority of his blood is already on the saw dust floor. She sends Johnny to fetch their neighbor.

As she cradles him, her apron is covered with his life force, so much blood. There is a pale, cold almost severed leg. Shock has set in; no more pain. His femoral artery is quiet, nerves are dead. He has not quite lost consciousness despite the certain fatal outcome.

His eyelids flutter but he gasps out the last important words.
"Don't be sad... I love you but I gotta go... Daddy is here."

She cradles her red headed boy as her tears fall on his head. Her first born child's spirit has flown. Warm memories flood her heart to comfort the loss of her dear child.

When Danny was born, Molly had passed him to Charlie.
"Thank you for a son," he said with pride and love.

Now, she is turning over their son's care to his father for eternity.

Their love story was considered a sin by many, including family. She knew better and still believed a gentle loving God sent Charlie her way. Perhaps that is why she could be as strong and independent as she was.
Charlie Redmond had not been her husband. He had been a devoted lover to her and dedicated father to both their sons.

For the first five years they had known each other, Molly was the waitress at the local cafe where Charlie ate breakfast. Their friendship was immediate and he had requested her. The rumors started.

Charlie's spouse, Janey, had been in a coma for years but she had all she needed physically. Of course, that wasn't all she needed. Molly agreed it was a tragic story and if she could change things, Janey wouldn't be ill.
In a small town with more churches than stores, people had a soap opera to gossip about and Molly was Hester Pyrne. Charlie and Molly had been lovers for one year when Danny was born despite precautions.

Janey had died just five years ago, never regaining consciousness. Molly didn't want to marry then. It would be like saying the boys weren't born from a good loving relationship.

Molly's Mother, Lottie, had never forgiven her for sleeping with a married man. She had died from Alzheimer's three years ago and living with Molly had been cruel. Lottie had never been a delightful person. Her constant nagging had run her Dad off when Molly was only ten. Molly had decided then she never wanted to marry.

Charlie stayed away except when Molly put Lottie in a Day program all week for Alzheimer's patients. Then Lottie needed a nursing home for the last year of her life.

Charlie and Molly had one year of complete bliss on the farm without Lottie. Then he had an apparent silent heart attack at night. Molly felt his heart stop as she lay on his chest. She was almost sure he had no pain.

As with Charlie's death, Molly took no time to grieve for Danny. She felt like if she stopped, her mind and body would melt into a lost child that couldn't function. After the funeral, Molly found the farm too much to deal with emotionally and physically.

Then Johnny began to have horrible nightmares. She suddenly knew she had to put her one child left first or she might lose him. She took him to a therapist.
She also found her pillow soaked with tears every morning although she didn't remember dreaming.

One evening, after dinner, Johnny asked, "Ma, do you think we could sell the farm?"

They hugged each other and really talked. Both spoke of their wonderful memories but admitted each day was another reminder of the past. Both of them were struggling to sleep and get through the day. Joy was a feeling of the past.
They knew memories would move with them but not haunt them.
So, they rented out the farm and moved to Birmingham.

They found an apartment and new friends. Molly took classes for computer technician work. She is finding how much she missed meeting other people and is gaining a sense of self-esteem. It is a whole new way of life but just what was needed after the tragedies.

Johnny is on a basketball team and has a German Shepard named "Charlie."



By Kathie Stehr