Our Beautiful Dawn Marie

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Hi my beautiful little angel,

         I can’t believe it has been 30 years…. I still miss you as if it was just yesterday. I know I talk to you every day and whisper my “Love You” and “Sleep Tight” every night, but for some reason, mommy is feeling the need to write to you on this 30th anniversary of your leaving.

         I don’t know, honey, maybe it’s just everything that has happened in the past few months that has made me remember and miss you more. I know when Josh found his friend Von the way he did, it brought back that August evening when I found you. My heart hurts so very bad to know that my son will live with that awful picture of one of his best friends in the back of his mind forever. Thirty years of pushing that night to the back of my memory came rushing forward and it was like I lost you all over again.

         So much has happened since that August evening 30 years ago. I know you have been watching it all as our lives have unfolded. I remember thinking, when your brother Jason was born in October 1982 how I was sure you had picked him out, batted those beautiful blue eyes of yours and asked that he be sent to your daddy and mommy. Then in January 1985 you sent us the precious gift of your sister Sarah, our little princess. April 1988 brought to daddy and mommy the most wonderful unexpected gift of your brother Joshua.

         You know people always say things like ‘Boy, you were so lucky’ or ‘Wow, lady luck was sure on your side.’ My sweet angel, you and I both know that luck has nothing to do with things that happen or could have happened in this thing we call life. There is always someone much greater then us watching over the big events that happen to us. I remember those remarks being said on many occasions.

         I remember when Jason, at about 9 months old, somehow lifted his walker sideways through the doorway and fell head first down the garage steps. Mommy was sure he had broken his neck…but you were there and he was fine. I knew then that you had appointed yourself our family’s personal guardian angel. We sure have kept you busy these 30 years, haven’t we? All the little childhood falls, bumps, and bruises of your brothers and sister over the years. A few of which, I‘m sure, could have been more serious without your watchful eyes.

         But the real knowledge that you have been with us are the serious events that have taken place in our lives. I feel the need to thank you and our Lord for the outcome of some of these events.

         First of all, a great big thank you for being in that operating room nine years ago to make sure that the doctor got all the cancer out of daddy. I know it must have been very hard for you to not let it go the other way so that you could have daddy with you. I am so proud of you for helping him to stay here with mommy and your brothers and sister.

         Then there was the night that Jason fell asleep driving home from work a few years back and drove into a tree. Thank you for keeping your brother safe and the only injuries in that event being to the car and Jason’s pride.

         Last year in May I thank you once again for wrapping your angel arms around that little blue Kia as it rolled four times in the desert with Sarah and Tomek inside. I know that you had to be there because there is no other way they could have walked away from that with nothing but a few cuts. Also, thank you for letting little Peanut be found safe and sound two days later. It would have been so hard for your sister to live with thinking she had killed her little puppy.

         Finally, my beautiful little girl, thank you for watching over your brother Josh these past few months, it seems the Lord has decided to test him much more then he should be at 20 years old. That day just after his birthday when he found Von, the questions and hurt that I saw in his usual gleeful eyes broke my heart because mommy couldn't make his pain go away. I am so very proud of him for getting through all that he has.

         Dawn, even though I know that spiritually you are always here with us, there are times I miss you so very much. I think with Sarah’s wedding coming in December, I am missing you even more then usual...makes mommy wonder what if? I don’t think that your sister knows how much she emotionally touched my heart when she told me that there will be a single white rose in her bouquet to represent you, a sister she never even met. Oh, my little angel, how I wish you could be here to see your sister on her very special day!

         Well, babe, I think mommy has rambled on enough. I love you and await the day that we will be together again! Please, until then, give my love to and take care of Papa Ed, Ma Myrt, Grandpa Dick, Grandma Cay, and Uncle Scott.

All My Love,

Mommy

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God’s Lent Child

“I’ll lend you for a little while a child of mine,” God said
“For you to love the while he lives, and morn for when he’s dead.”

“It may be one or two years, or forty two or three:
But will you, till I call him back Take care of him for me?”

“He’ll bring his charms to gladden you and should his stay be brief
You’ll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief. “

“I cannot promise he will stay, since ALL from earth return:
But there are lessons taught below I want this child to learn.”

“I’ve looked the whole world over in search for teachers true;
And from the throngs that crowd life’s lane I have chosen you.”

“Will you give him all your love? Nor think the labor vane?
Nor hate Me when I come to take this lent child back again?”

I fancied that I heard you say, ‘Dear Lord, Thy will be done.
For the joys Thy child will bring, the risk of grief we’ll run.’

‘We will shelter him with tenderness. We’ll love him while we may.
And for the happiness we’ve known forever grateful stay.’

‘But should Thy angels call for him, much sooner then we’ve planned,
We’ll brave the grief that comes and try to understand.’