Explanation

I can't describe
the way I feel
after speaking
with you last night.
Thoughts of you
swirling in my head ~
my heart's pounding
with sheer delight.

I don't deserve
to hear your voice
for the way
that I treated you ~
I hate myself
more than you know,
I expect you
to hate me too.

You think I'm strong,
truth is I'm weak.
Five years was more
than I could bear.
The thought of
being all alone
completely filled me
with despair.

Complications filled
my life
and I needed you
by my side.
I had no way
to visit you,
so many nights
I laid and cried.

The pain was real,
it hurt so deep,
I allowed my heart
to grow numb.
Frightened by
a life without you ~
to fear and grief
I did succumb.