Searching for Jaymie

         “After five perfect years of marriage, a random magazine article changed my life.  You see, Philip had never been interested in anything that involved being outdoors. 

         ”’Why would I go outside and sleep on the ground under a tarp when I have a perfectly good bed in a solid house right here?’ he had demanded when I suggested we go camping for vacation one year.  The only activity he did outside was yard work and that only when the neighbor’s son wasn’t available to do it for him.

         "Then he found ‘the article’.  It outlined the survivalist lifestyle and listed twenty reasons why every self-respecting family in America should be interested.  This too will pass I thought. I laughed when the mail-order packages of hunting equipment and camping gear began to arrive, but when he registered for civilian combat training courses, things got scary.

         ”When I refused to support his extremist behavior any longer, he promptly filed for divorce and then custody of our two-year old son, Jaymie.  The family court judge gave Philip the benefit of every doubt, doing independent research into the activist group and asking extensive questions. 

         ”Unable to find any problems or evidence of illegal activities surrounding the group, the judge offered joint custody but Philip refused, screaming and swearing as he left the building. 

         ”’This isn’t over yet!’ Philip shrieked.  ‘Mark my words, Bonnie, this is not over.’

         “In his rage, he wrote letters threatening to kidnap our son and he harassed the judge both at work and at home, prompting an order of supervised visitation only.

         ”Philip stalked me for months; the police chased him off but could never catch him.  I sold the house and got an apartment, but Philip followed.  Sightings of him dwindled, then stopped.  He discontinued his fight for custody and visitation although I was still required to take Jaymie to the courts building every other Saturday in case Philip decided to show up.  After Jaymie’s fifth birthday, even that stipulation was dropped and life settled into a calmer pattern.

         ”During the second week of Jaymie’s first grade year I was pulled out of a meeting for an urgent phone call.

         ”’Recess ended ten minutes ago and we can’t find your son,” the principal said.  “Teachers and students are searching the campus and the police are on their way.'

         ”I dropped the phone and ran from the building without a word of explanation.  At the school I was met by several police officers and teachers.  A detective was sitting in the library with several of Jaymie’s classmates.

         ”’He walked into the woods to get the soccer ball and the bell rang.  He never came back,’ I overheard one boy say.

         ”’Had you seen anyone else in the woods?’ the officer asked.

         ”Two of the little boys shook their heads but the third said, ‘I saw somebody the other day; like a hunter.’

         ”Philip!  My heart caught in my throat.  It had to be Philip!

         ”The initial search of the area yielded nothing but the soccer ball after which Jaymie had gone.  An hour and a half after Jaymie’s disappearance, a search team found tufts of his hair indicating that someone had shaved his head.  Further on they found his school uniform along with garment tags.  Philip had changed Jaymie's appearance to make him harder to spot!

         ”Early the next morning searchers came across tire tracks made by an ATV.  Nothing else was ever found and neither Philip nor Jaymie has ever been seen or heard from again.

         ”That was twenty years ago.  Jaymie would be twenty-seven now.”

         As I finished speaking I looked down at my hands on the table.  Twenty years had passed since my hands had held my son; still, they longed to tousle his sandy hair and stroke lightly down his soft cheek.

         I’d done nothing in twenty years but search for him, writing letters, posting fliers, touring the news programs.  Looking at the crowd gathered for the candlelight vigil, I was touched by their concern but saddened by the realization that I knew none of them.  I had no friends; no one I’d even call an ‘intimate acquaintance’.  The only person I could name who’d stood by through all those years of searching was Detective Martin Phipps, and he was there because it was his job. 

         Feeling his presence behind me I turned and looked up into his face.  For twenty years this man had stood beside me and I knew nothing about him. 

         ”Why do you keep coming?” I asked, tears stinging my eyes.

         He looked puzzled and laid a hand gently on my shoulder.  “Because I have hope,” he replied.

         ”Everyone else gave up hope of finding Jaymie long ago,” I answered, almost cynically.  How could he have hope left when I was so close to admitting defeat?

         ”Philip wanted to hurt you, not Jaymie.  He didn’t want to be found and has used his survival skills to remain hidden.”

         Detective Phipps paused and I looked at his face in the candlelight.  There was a glow in his eyes I’d never noticed before; a gentleness in his manner that made me want to know more about him.

         ”Then why do you come?” I asked again, wondering what I was feeling.

         He sighed and patted my shoulder.  “I come because I have hope that you’ll eventually find peace.  When you do you’ll need someone and I want that someone to be me.”  His voice cracked with emotion as a tear slipped from his eye and splashed on the back of his hand.

         I swallowed hard, feeling a different sadness than what had possessed me all those years.  I’d lost more than my son that day; I lost my heart, my love, and my life.  I’d given up all possibilities of being happy, all hopes and dreams for my future. 

         ”After twenty years, is there still hope?” I questioned.

         I felt both peace and relief as he embraced me.  Why had it taken so long?



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