Splendid Torture...

Splendid Torture

A stupor wraps around me
As along my life I go;
I find such little solace
In the people that I know.
For deep within my being
Lies a questioning of pride -
Have I replaced my former self
To be Thy useless guide?

It’s hard to find life’s meanings
Deep within a battered soul;
My constant stream of struggles
Have exacted quite a toll.
And even though I go to Thee
In humble, loving praise;
My faithfulness - I squander
In my nights and in my days…

Thy realm – it overwhelms me
With Thy girth, so justly vast.
To share Thy truth seems daunting
And to this, I’ve been miscast…
Thy soldiers – You have many
Who stand by and give results;
My manner is not worthy –
And my ways, they just insult…

I cannot seem to muster
Driven drives that hide within –
I rarely ever answer them
(Unless upon a whim.)
Dishonor rides upon me
As I buck and as I stray;
I talk the talk without the walk –
With little right to pray…

My God! Thy splendid torture
Grows more potent through the years –
How many times I’ve challenged Thee
In anguish and in tears.
My inner force awakens
Deep within Thy Holy Space;
I sit upon an empty throne –
Ashamed to share Thy Grace…