Gone Nuts

The rhythmic slap of her sneakers on concrete set a steady cadence to her pace. Each controlled inhale and exhale of her breath kept her focused on putting one aching leg in front of the other. The early morning sunshine flickered through the trees as she ran, feeling her heart pounding in her ears.

Every morning, Elizabeth jogged the same path; a half-mile to the park, four complete laps through the one-mile jogging trail, and then a half-mile run back home. Often she would pass pets and their owners out for morning exercise and the occasional cyclist. They would exchange the customary nod and continue along their chosen path.

Today, however, she happened to come across an older man walking a long-legged German shepherd. She tried not to laugh as the dog, panting and choking with excitement, dragged his owner along.

“Slow down, Rudy.” The man kept one hand on his brimmed hat, and another on the leash. “The grass will still be there.”

Elizabeth jumped to the side as the dog dragged his helpless owner directly in front of her. “Hey, watch out!”

She tried to turn sideways to avoid colliding with the man and wound up tangled in the leash instead as the dog stopped in front of her. The canine’s brown-eyed gaze met hers and for a moment, she could have sworn the animal was laughing at her.

“I’m so sorry.” The man wiped sweat from his forehead. “He's a little excited today. Are you okay?

“Yes, ” Elizabeth said and unwound the leash from around her legs, trying not to sound impatient. "I’m fine."

“Nice legs.”

“Excuse me?” Elizabeth stared at the man before her, her mouth hanging open.

“What?” The man looked at her, puzzled. “I didn’t say anything.”

Elizabeth looked but could see no one else around. Her eyes narrowed as she backed away to continue down the path.

“Hey, I’m talkin' to you.”

Elizabeth jumped. The man’s mouth hadn’t moved. He continued to stare at her. “Are you alright, miss?”

“Did you hear that?” She looked around again. The man shook his head and began to look at her with concern.

“Wow, you’re hot, but you’re dumber than a poodle. Down here, blondie, the German shepherd.”

Elizabeth froze, unwilling to believe her ears. Slowly she looked down at the dog as it sat facing her, tongue lolling.

“Hi there, gorgeous. The name’s Rudolph, but you can call me Stud.”

Elizabeth took a step backward. “You have got to be kidding me!”

“Does this look like the face of a dog that would kid you?”

“But,” she took a deep breath, “how is it you can talk?”

“Just lucky I guess. I can read too.”

“You mean street signs?”

“Sure, books and magazines too. I just love a good Playboy, they have the best articles. I'm trying to learn French right now. There’s this cute little French poodle down the street, not too bright but she’s teaching me. Wee Wee, if you catch my drift.” Elizabeth could have sworn the dog’s eyebrows waggled at her. "Wanna learn French?"

“I’m sorry, I have to get going.” She edged away from the dog and his owner, watching the dog the whole time.

The man stretched a hand out to touch her. "Miss, are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine." She turned and sprinted down the path.

“Hey, can I get your number? Maybe call you later?” The dog shouted as Elizabeth began to put distance between them, running full speed down the trail. Thirty minutes later she arrived at her front doorstep, drenched in sweat, her breathing hard and erratic.

“I really need to lay off the Gatorade.” Elizabeth shook her head as she tried to fit her key into the lock."Must have gotten a bottle with too many electrolytes or something."

A loud noise made her shriek and drop her keys. She turned her head to look behind her. A squirrel sat a few feet away, sniffing in her direction, paws outstretched. Elizabeth giggled and reached a trembling hand down for her keys. Giving a whimper of relief when the key slid home, she opened and closed the door behind her then leaned her back against the door. Elizabeth closed her eyes, and wiped the sweat from her face, trying to catch her breath.

A soft female voice interrupted the silence. "Just what took you so long, young lady? I've had to pee for ages now."

Elizabeth screamed and stared down at her shitzu, Missy. The dog looked up at her, brown eyes peering through the white fur surrounding them.

"Well, don't just stand there. Let's go." Missy walked toward her leash and tugged it from the wall as Elizabeth fainted, her body crumpling to the floor.

~~
4/17/11 Word Count: 792
8/30/08 Word Count: 804
8/29/08 Word count: 821
8/25/08 word count: 729