A Guardian's Beginning

My heart was broken. I was afraid that I was going to bleed out inside. I never imagined that it would hurt this much. I guess this is why Angels have eight hearts. The broken heart still hurts; but you are able to continue on. It’s like breaking a finger. Having ten fingers doesn’t make the broken one hurt less. It just makes it easier to continue on.

My first assignment, Michael, was much harder than I had expected it to be. The head Angel, Gareth, had told me that the first assignment was not an easy one. They throw everything at you on your first assignment to see what you would do. In my eyes, I had failed miserably.

I could not wait to become a Guardian. It had been all I had thought about for the last eon. I had studied and watched the Guardians. All my preparation work failed me when I finally got into the field.

I thought it was going to be a piece of cake. I could not have been more wrong. Michael had everything going for him. He had a loving family, was top of his class, and had the girl of his dreams. I didn’t even know why he needed a Guardian.

Apparently, boredom is one of the worst afflictions that can attack Humans. Michael had it all; but he was bored. It started out small. He began imagining himself doing little crimes. “Little crimes” is what Michael called them. From my experience, no crime is little when it comes to the Humans.

Soon, his daydreams were not enough to keep him occupied. Boredom struck again. He started reading crime novels and learned how to pick locks and hot wire cars. The next step was to try out his newfound knowledge. It started with joyriding. I tried to stop him. I had no idea how difficult it would be to try to stop a Human once they had their mind set on something. I threw all the curves I had learned, and they all failed.

The thrill of joyriding soon died out. He never once made the news. The people whose cars he had ‘borrowed’ didn’t even know their cars had been missing. It wasn’t exciting enough. I sent Michael dreams and signs. He failed to heed my warnings. Their was so much he could do in his world. He didn’t seem to care.

Finally, Michael was caught in the act of robbing his neighbor’s house. He was given a light sentence as it was his first offense. I knew better and so did Michael. I was afraid that jail time would not straighten him out. I watched them put Michael in his cell and went to report to Gareth.

I had let Michael down as much as he had let me down. My wings were trailing feathers as I flew to Gareth. The tears of my soul were welling up in my chest as my heart was breaking. I was falling apart, and I knew it. Gareth recognized the signs immediately. I’m sure it helped that he had been monitoring my progress closely.

I told Gareth everything, even though he already knew my story. By this point, my wings had drooped completely and were touching the clouds at my feet. When I told Gareth about watching them put Michael away, the tears burst from my heart and rent it in two. I didn’t know how an Angel recovered from a broken heart. I didn’t care if I had eight hearts or eight hundred. There was no way that I could recover from this. I had failed my first assignment completely. I was going to resign from the Guardianship and fall.

Gareth’s compassion was clear on his face. He tried to reassure me. I was not to be comforted. My heart was broken and that was that. I was done but Gareth would hear none of it.

“Almost everyone fails their first assignment, Lejeina.” Gareth’s eyes tried to see into my soul.

“Gareth, I’m not everyone!” I couldn’t make him understand. “My heart is broken.”

“Lejeina, if you had not broken your heart, I would have been disappointed. A broken heart is an Angel’s initiate into Guardianship. You cannot understand the Humans unless you have broken a heart.”

“That doesn’t make sense. How can I help people when my heart is broken? It is consuming me.” At that point, I was ready to slip through the clouds.

“Lejeina,” Gareth was sounding very stern, “Angels do not fall when they break a heart. That is why we have eight. You break one and keep going.”

I was despondent and no coaxing or scolding was going to change my decision. I was going to fall. “It doesn’t matter. I feel as though all eight of my hearts were broken.”

Gareth looked like he was backed into a corner. I was glad of that. Perhaps it would help him see how helpless my situation was. He looked at me and grabbed my hand. I was taken aback. I tried to pull away. Holding hands is a very intimate thing among Angels. It is how we connect with each other and unite. He held on tighter.

“Do not fear. I want to show you something. Close your eyes and look at me.”

I did as he asked. With my eyes closed, I could see into his essence. I was shocked at what I saw. His hearts, all eight of them, were covered in scars.

“I have broken every one of my eight hearts many, many times. Yet I am still here.”

“How have you survived? I want to fall and only one of my hearts is broken. How did you break all eight of yours?”

“Well, Lejeina, I did not break them all at once.” He had that look he has when I’m being silly or not thinking. “I have failed many of my Humans and fellow Angels. I have also failed myself. That hurts worst of all. I understand what you are feeling. I wanted to fall after I failed my first assignment too; but you cannot give up. If you give up, you will truly fail.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how I could repair my broken heart. I thought about Gareth’s scarred hearts.

“If you can continue on with eight scarred hearts, I can continue on with one broken heart.” I felt the clouds solidify beneath my feet. I would not fall. Not that day anyway. Thus, my life as a Guardian began.