My Punishment

I can feel you in my dreams, they're so lifelike, so real
Yet I know if I try to reach you, to touch you, you'd fade away.
And still I try, I follow you, and I try to reach out
But, you start to fade, so I stop, all I can do is look.
Somewhere in my mind I know it's not real.
But I feel the loss so strong, I cry out.
My heart screams, do you hear me in your dreams?
I just want to touch you, to hold you again
To feel your heart beating against mine.
Feeling your breath against my cheek
My hand in yours, is this so wrong?
Why do you seem so far away every time I close my eyes?
Yet I feel you, this presence at my side.
In my heart I feel you but still I can't touch you.
I torture myself knowing it's my fault
So when I close my eyes you're there.
But I'm not allowed too close, I know
For where I'm at, I don't deserve that pleasure yet
Right now it's just time for the pain
But when I am done and have paid my dues
Then and only then will it be allowed.
The pleasure of your loving touch.
Until then, my dreams are my punishment
And I continue to hope, til that day, please don't fade away.