|"I can't do this." Sitting in the car outside my parents' house, I start to tremble slightly.
Putting his arm on my wrist, Jason tries to comfort me. "You are making this more difficult than it has to be. It's like ripping off a bandaid. It might be a little painful but once you do it you will feel so much better."
"How is this anything like that?" I stare at him, unsure.
"Well, it isn't." Looking up at my house, he adds, "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. But the longer you wait on it the harder it is going to be to actually do it. Do you want to have to keep hiding half your life from them?"
I nod, looking down at the steering wheel. It has been a rough couple of years, almost getting caught several times, and I don't want to have to keep doing it like this.
Putting my hand on the door handle, I finally decide. "Okay. I can do it. I will tell my parents that I am gay."
Getting out of the car, we both headed towards the front door. Just before knocking, I add, "thanks for coming with me."
"No problem." He smiles back.
I really am thankful. He may be only a friend but is the one that is always there for me when I really need someone. I can't count the number of times he has answered his cell at 3 in the morning to listen to my venting. I return the favor as much as possible but there is no way I can ever top or find a replacement for his friendship.
My mom opens the door. "Andy, you're home. Who is this?" She asks after hugging me.
"This is my friend, Jason. Jason, this is my mom."
They both shake hands and Jason is overly polite. He keeps a little distance from me, at least a little more than usual.
After all introductions were done we sit down to a tense dinner. Well, it was tense for me. I kept trying to steer the conversation to a point where I could make my announcement but kept psyching myself out. After almost an hour, we finished and I still hadn't even gotten close.
"On the phone you said you had something you wanted to tell us." Mom finally brings it up.
As I swallow, painfully the last bit of mashed potatoes, I start to panic. I can feel myself sweating and don't like it. "Um..." I end up not being able to do it. "No, I don't think so. Excuse me for a minute." Getting up, I leave the room pretending to go to the bathroom but stopping in the living room. Jason follows.
"It's okay." He says as he reaches over to touch my shoulder. "If you're not ready then don't tell them."
"Why is this so hard?" I don't want to panic or cry but my mind is racing at a hundred miles an hour about how weak I must be. "I mean, it's even national coming out day and I can't muster the courage. It's not like I live here anymore or am dependent on them, and yet even now I can't do it."
Putting his arms around me, he pulls me into a hug, trying to make me feel better. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You will come out one day when you are ready."
There is a pause as I rest my head against his shoulder. I know deep down he is right.
Moving away, don't want to spend too long holding him, I look up into his eyes for probably the first time that close. I never noticed how deep they were before. Before I can think about it, he presses his lips against mine. A rush of emotions floods over me as our tongues meet for a brief second.
I stare at him once he pulls away. He gets a strange look on his face, staring past me, so I turn around to see my mom standing by the door staring.
My face turns bright red and for some odd reason the only thing I can manage to say is, "surprise."