You Might Have A Mental Illness If...

You Might Have a Mental Illness If...

You are currently receiving telepathic messages from outer space.

An army of talking frogs is living in your mattress.

No one shares your belief that the sky is falling.

You alternate between swimming in a sea of pickles and falling from a cheese-cliff into a vat of strawberry toe jam, all while sitting in the middle of your living room.

Your fridge is stocked with fossilized ferns.

Purple polka-dotted camels sing to you in your sleep.

Thomas Edison still hasn’t gotten back to you about that light bulb idea you had in 1653.

People look at you funny when you put socks on your ears.

Your roof is made of dancing pencil sharpeners.

You’ve been trying to channel the spirit of George Washington in your washing machine for several months; sadly, the farthest you’ve gotten is putting a powdered wig on it.

The magical cactus man comes to you every morning, bearing seashells and sticky notes.

You’ve knit several sweaters for your dog out of spaghetti.

Fuzzy aliens from a planet you can’t pronounce the name of have sent you birthday presents for the past ten years, mostly shrunken heads made of cardboard.

You made the mistake of taking your toaster outside for a walk; it floated away like a stray balloon when the grass started doing the can-can.

Do any of these apply to you? If so, please stay away from me.