Who, Me?

 

Word Count: 298

    “What?” I replied incredulously, “You’re kidding right?”

    The officer with the beady little eyes didn’t really look like he was kidding.  The officer that had eaten a dozen or seven donuts too many didn’t appear to be kidding either.  The gun barrels pointed at me appeared to be of a large caliber, like Howitzer cannon caliber.  I decided it was in my best interest to perhaps put my hands behind my head and lay face down on the pavement as the beady-eyed one had so politely requested.

    “Mr. Maltin, this is not a joke, your butt is in serious trouble here, just do as we say and we won’t break your face.”  I couldn’t see who was talking because I was busy admiring the texture of the concrete I was kissing.  It must have been the donut cop as the voice was higher pitched than the beady-eyed guy. 

    “Would it be out of line to mention that I am in fact not Mr. Maltin?”

    “Mention it all ya want Leonard, your still under arrest,” the donut fan again, “My wife thinks you walk on water, but she and I never agree on movies either.”

    “Listen officers, I am not Leonard Maltin, the movie critic guy right?” I was kind of whining like Leonard Maltin though.  “Mr. Maltin seems like a rather innocuous guy, what could he have done to warrant being arrested?”

    “Yeah right, like you don’t know about the baby oil and the statue Maltin.”  That was the beady-eyed guy.

    “Okay officers, before this goes any further let me just mention that I happen to own Assault Of The Killer Bimbos, and Killer Bimbos From Outer Space.  Both, I might add, are excellent movies.”

    “This guy can’t be Maltin, those are good movies,” they said in unison.

Word Count: 298