A Rant from the Deep

WC 466

A Rant from the Deep

By Jack Rawlins

“Listen up, assholes! We’ve had it with your greed, stupidity, and cruelty. If it wasn’t for your prehensile thumbs you’d all be nobodies; you certainly didn’t gain your advantage over all things great and small because of the size of your brain.

“My name is Ipod (pronounced ‘eye-pod’) and I am spokesman for the world’s remaining population of whales. We are sick and tired of your attitude and we’re not going to take it any more.

“We’ve been ruled through the millenniums by pacifists who are content to swim and hide rather than stand and fight. Well you know what? Get ready for a big change.

“Nobody knows how many of us are spread around the world, and that’s a good thing. Just believe me, there are enough of us to cause serious financial loss to your recreational and commercial fishing industry and to your use of the world’s waters for shipping and recreational pursuits.

“While we are thankful to the handful of humans who are trying to help us out, there are just too many others who don’t give a rat’s ass about our problems. So, it’s time for us to take action.

“Force, seems to be the only thing humans understand. They invest huge sums of their resources to build military forces to breaks things and kill people in the name of keeping peace and spreading democracy, socialism, communism and all kinds of other isms.

“What nonsense!

“This rant is simply an attempt to begin … and I hate to use the hackneyed term … a meaningful dialogue.

“And just how do we do that? Well, your scientists have ignored the obvious. While they’ve been busy studying sound projections as exemplified by recordings of our everyday chatter, they’ve ignored our real language of communication. We communicate by transmission of visual imagery through thought waves. It’s the most effective way to communicate: mind to mind.

“Try it with your family pets and you’ll see how effective it can be. Don’t ask your dog if he wants to go out. Picture walking him to the door and opening it. He’ll get the message. Watch a school of fish or a flock of birds all turn or swoop in unison. Do you think they’re talking about each move or picturing it, and then doing it? The answer is obvious.

“So, here’s our request—no, here’s our warning: If you won’t communicate in a way that works, i.e. through thought imagery, we’ll have to assume that you don’t really care. That would be a big mistake.

“Ultimately, we believe reason will triumph over greed, stupidity and cruelty, Give it a try. We’ll be expecting to hear from you. If we don’t, don’t go near the water.”

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